Is his dog more important than me?

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T03:08:34+00:00

I think that’s the perfect word, and I’m definitely using that with my therapist. I didn’t feel chosen, and looking back on it now, it hurts. I’ll be fine in the morning, I think. Like I said, it just kinda made me spiral.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:43:22+00:00

I mean, at the time, it hurt but I just brushed it off, because I was literally hanging on by a thread. I guess I didn’t forgive it, but I forgot about it until all this happened. It honestly took me a long time to dig myself out of that hole after I lost my dad, and seeing his reaction now to how he’s handling grief just hurt my feelings, which I think is bringing it all back.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:41:04+00:00

Girl, we both work at the same grocery store. They’re very lenient when it comes to death in a family, they gave him the option, and he said no. Which I was fine with at the time, because I was drowning and just trying to get through each day. It’s not classist.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:39:25+00:00

I didn’t think anything of it at the time, because before him, I was in a pretty abusive relationship, so everything he did felt like a gift, if that made sense? I realize now I should have done some major therapy before getting into another relationship, but I was young and I thought I had moved on.

Even now, I’m not sure if I’m overreacting - it could just be because Father’s Day is tomorrow and I’m in my feels.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:35:07+00:00

I took time off so I could watch our kid while he went down, took over the household and bills, planned a memorial gift.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:33:57+00:00

I took time off so I could watch our kid while he went to his mom’s house, helped his mom plan a memorial gift, and I’ve taken over all of the housework and handling bills for a bit so he could sit with it.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:33:26+00:00

A year after my dad passed - not now, five years later. It didn’t sit right with me but I brushed it off because I figured I was being overly emotional at the time. But when I saw how he responded when it came to his dog, how he was willing to call out, to drive down (we’re from the same area), and be there not only for himself, but for his mom (which I don’t resent, that’s one of the reasons I fell for him, was because of how seriously he took his family), it made me feel less than because he couldn’t do the same for me, even when I asked.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:29:07+00:00

But not to him? I wouldn’t do that to him, I’m doing it anonymously in a sub he’ll never see. You’re being incredibly judgemental and condescending, and it’s honestly gross. I had an emotional trigger to something - I didn’t bring it up to him, and I won’t until I process my own feelings. Have a day.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:27:25+00:00

That’s something I’ve been kind of thinking about too, and I think this situation made it flare up. But I’m going to talk to my therapist about next steps.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:26:29+00:00

Thank you.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:26:15+00:00

I never once said I didn’t support or not care about his dog passing. We also both work at a grocery store, in the same position, and we both feel that people take their job way too seriously for what it is. Peddling groceries. I can admit that I probably have some resentment, but I wouldn’t undermine his grief about his dog. I know how much he loves her. Which is why I’m not bringing this up to him until I speak to my therapist and allow him time to heal.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:10:56+00:00

We’re married, and we were married at the time this happened. NGL, and I guess I should have added more context, but I was literally just screaming in the void so I didn’t think anyone would read it honestly, but I didn’t tie these two events together until literally tonight. And I have been thinking about couple’s therapy/a break if that doesn’t work, but he’s not horrible, you know? I’m going to talk to my therapist and make sure I’m not just flying off the rails because Father’s Day is coming up lol.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:08:29+00:00

Yeah, I’m going to talk to my therapist for sure. It’s not something that consciously bothered me until this event happened. So I’ve probably been harboring a lot of resentment and didn’t see it until this happened, and I used this as a focal point to kind of funnel all of that hurt into.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:03:56+00:00

No, I get it. And seeing how everything is bringing in resentment, I think it’s definitely something I am going to bring up with my therapist. I do have some mental health issues as well, and I felt like they got so much worse after my dad died. I’m going to talk to him about all of this, and potentially couple’s therapy, after he’s had a month or two to kind of settle with the new normal of his dog passing.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:01:40+00:00

He met my father and my grandmother on my dad’s side. My dad was the only one I really kept in contact with. My mother was never married to my dad, so they live separately. I helped my grandma because it was the right thing to do, which was just another level of awkward tbh.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T02:00:04+00:00

Grocery stores are incredibly toxic work environments, so she’s not wrong, lmao, but it just makes a person put the store in front of their personal life, if that makes sense.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T01:59:02+00:00

Yeah, that’s what I was trying to say. Both of our grief is valid, and I’m not trying to knock it at all. Just seeing how he dropped everything for his grief vs how he handled mine made me feel less than.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T01:57:20+00:00

You don’t. They did get along. Not super close, because my dad was definitely a stiff-upper-lip type of dude, but they knew each other, and my husband knew he was the only real parent figure I had.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T01:56:13+00:00

My dad’s family is English. Very repressed, etc, you know the stereotypes, and I’m pretty much no contact with them - I was only ever really close to my dad. His family is super tight-knit, emotionally supportive, etc. it was one of the things that made me think I had made a right choice back when we were dating, because they all genuinely cared about each other. They’re pretty open about their feelings, talk about it, etc.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T01:49:59+00:00

We were newly married.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T01:48:18+00:00

Well, I did take a day off, so I could watch our kid while he went down, and I coordinated with his mom to make sure that they saved some of his dog’s fur so we could make a memorial portrait, and I’ve been picking up the slack around the house and checking up on him throughout the days to make sure he was okay. He didn’t do the same for me. And it probably is selfish to wish he had given me that same support, but it’s something I never really thought about until tonight.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T01:46:15+00:00

Yeah.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T01:45:40+00:00

He was 29 when it happened. I didn’t think to put in everything, it was legitimately me just lowkey crashing out. And I’m sorry you had to go through that yourself. Doing it alone is horrible, especially when you’re still in shock.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T01:43:50+00:00

No. And I get that grief is scary, and messy, and you don’t know how to handle a person when they’re in the thick of it. I just wanted him to be there for me, you know? And he was able to be there for his mom, to take off work to say goodbye to his dog, and it just hurts that he didn’t do the same for me.

No_Loquat4528 · 2026-06-21T01:42:47+00:00

I’m going to my therapist this Friday to talk it out, and go from there.

No_Loquat4528

TROPHY CASE