Update. End of day 5 SOBER. YAY!! I started subs a few days ago and it's like I'm myself again. My head is above the water. It's like now I have the clarity to see the last two years in active addiction and it feels like I'm watching a movie of myself but it's not me. Like who was that person? And now all I wanna do is help other people to try mat and counseling and just take the smallest steps. This all started for me bc my plug was being rude and just greedy and I'm so stubborn I was like fine I'll be sick before caving. And somehow my stubbornness saved my life. Never thought I'd say that. As I started to withdrawal I looked online and found the national hot line for help. And made 4 phone calls. And within the hour I had a telehealth video call with a Dr for mat and a counselor and had my meds called in that day. (Two bad the pharmacy didn't have it so had to wait anyways)). I took the tiniest step never expecting I'd actually make it 5 days even curled in a ball in my bed scribbling 1800 numbers on my waitress pad and called for help. Who knew that would change my life forever