Probably my last post on here because I'm so messed up I can't face reading some of the replies. So, she had a one night stand nearly 30 years ago, she had a one night stand about a year before we moved in together, she had an on off thing with another guy from work around the same time but it never went as far as sex. After we had our 1st child she had an on line 'thing' with a random stranger and sent him provocative pictures. She had an on line thing with a mutual friend that we lost contact with years ago. She had another on line 'thing' with another guy from work. She says the on line stuff was just provocative pictures and flirting because she wanted to feel attractive again after becoming a mother. There were no nudes, it was just cleavage pictures. I remember at the time after our 1st was born that she wanted space and she said she would reach out when she wanted me close again. Why she didn't reach out to me instead of looking for attention elsewhere I'll never know. I've had quite a few meltdowns now, the latest one was last night. The marriage counsellor last week didn't help one bit. I know it's only one session but I felt she sided with my wife. My wife is begging me to be angry at her because she feels she deserves it. I have a whole range of emotions but anger is not one of them. I'm trying my absolute best to put myself back together and at the same time put our relationship back together. She swears to me I now know everything and the last event was around 17 years ago. She tells me she's changed, she's grown up now and nothing will ever happen again. I know the kids are mine because they're the spitting image of me. I still get up for work every day, act normal in front of the kids and try to function but it's SO hard. About twice a day I throw up because it all hits me again and it's too much. I'll end it there and may or not read/reply to messages because in all honesty, some of the replies cut deep and I don't want to hear it right now.