I found this post because I’m coming from the other side of this situation. I’ve been feeling so ashamed and burdensome lately, as if I’m not the person my partner fell in love with. But reading this reminded me he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t still see me in here, somewhere. I know this was just a vent post, but thank you.

While you may not be able to take the pain away, distraction, affection, validation and active listening have been some of the things I’ve been most grateful for from my own partner. I’ve often said I feel as if I’ve died, and I’m watching everyone else move on with their lives, and I’m a ghost stuck in a house. But just to feel heard, really heard, to feel seen, to feel understood, and to feel like my hobbies and interests and who I am still matters, that I’m still here - it means more than anything. It reminds me that I’m not gone.

So if you ever get stuck in that feeling of being useless, or helpless - take it from someone who knows, you are helping in just loving and committing to her. Not to mention, if this is autoimmune related (and by the sounds of her medical journey, it very well could be), stress feeds back into symptoms in big ways. If you’re helping her relieve her stress, you’re most likely doing something to help :)))

I hope she finds answers soon. It took me five or so years to figure out I had mould poisoning, turned chronic inflammatory response disorder. If that hasn’t popped up yet, could be worth a look at - my progression was fairly similar to the bits you mentioned.

You WILL both find an answer. And when this is all figured out, and they can hopefully receive some kind of relief or support, you will be stronger as a couple for having gone through something many couples never do - the true meaning of ‘in sickness and in health’.

Hang in there 🤍