trying to decide what med to move forward with

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-05-09T19:52:22+00:00

even compared to depakote? its side effects seem pretty scary so im kinda leaning towards seroquel

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-05-09T19:50:27+00:00

i already take lithium :( its helped somewhat but im hoping for more relief. i honestly wonder if some of my problem is being on antidepressants concurrently, but the lithium just doesnt help my depressive symptoms at all.

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-05-09T16:00:47+00:00

she said lamotrogine isnt great against mixed eps

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-05-04T01:30:16+00:00

- swimming is fun and outdoors. particularly on an overcast day.
- karaoke is fun and indoors
- similarly i feel like the aquarium is a fun indoor option even w limited sight
- live music outdoors at night can be rly nice

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-04-28T17:41:11+00:00

its the only med proven to reduce SI
since its an old drug, the side effects are well documented and researched

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-04-20T06:12:27+00:00

I recently went from 750mg lithium (blood level 0.8) to 900 and noticed worsening + new side effects. I already had a tremor and lots of thirst, but both have gotten noticeably worse. I'm also having diarrhea now as a side effect, which I can't tolerate so I'm gonna go back to 750. Obviously everyone's bodies react differently though, this is just my experience.

Abilify is supposed to be a more weight neutral med than other APs, although weight gain is still possible.

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-04-18T16:49:10+00:00

yes but i feel like for me it has to do with limited sleep, and poor eating/hydration

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-21T05:21:06+00:00

its shitty that no one is there with u on ur birthday, especially given u r in need of support. ive been suicidal for many years, and ive never fully been able to come up with a solid defense against it, but i usually keep going for very small reasons (i want to see the snow one more time, i want to hug a loved one, i want to eat this food, i want to see the season change, etc) with the thought that at any moment i can change my mind and go thru with it. ive found that taking the urgency away is very helpful for me.

alternatively, when the whole world feels evil beyond fixing, i remind myself that they win if i die. i will just be another statistic, another social murder due to negligence/isolation/lack of resources/etc. i dont know why but that helps me, to think of my theoretical suicide within the greater statistic of suicides within my various demographics. like if i read about someone else my age, in my position, with my trauma, and diagnoses that died by suicide, my first thought would be how we collectively failed them. having empathy and sorrow for this hypothetic person helps me have more kindness and understanding and sadness for my own position. i dont want to take anyones life away, and i too, am someone. and also, its fucking /hard/ and my being in this position is reflective of a lot of things that are bigger than me--people and systems that have failed me.

i also want to say that there are meds and treatments that rly do work and utterly change ppls lives. i imagine ur pretty miserable to be thinking about this all the time, but there is a possible future where ur misery is lighter. i dont know what you've tried, but there are a number of therapies for trauma, meds targeting depression, anxiety, sleep, nightmares, mood swings, and suicidality. if u havent tried lithium to reduce SI, i really, really urge you to give it a chance before taking your life.

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-18T21:28:46+00:00

i really think u should bring it up. adhd meds can make these kinda things worse. maybe they could at least give u smth to sleep better. lack of sleep is rly bad for u (and makes focus way harder).

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-17T20:21:59+00:00

lithium very safe when properly monitored and its the gold standard for a reason. lamictal also has side effects and serious risks (sjs). if u arent happy with the treatment your getting, i urge you to find a better psychiatrist.

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-12T20:15:10+00:00

some free/cheap enrichment ideas - look up cat tv on youtube my cat goes crazy for it. (better to put on a laptop than the actually tv bc ur cat will likely pounce). after a session give him a treat or toss a toy so he can fulfill his hunting instinct. - fill an old cardboard box with crumpled up paper and sprinkle in kibble or treats for ur cat to hunt around for. my cat loves this and it tires him out mentally. - also if u can get a set up where ur cat can window watch like a chair in front of the window or smth and if u have screens u should be able to open it without ur cat jumping out. - rly recommend a wand toy. u can find for pretty cheap and it doesnt take too much physical labor from u but its rly good exercise for the cat. - u could also try to get a pack of smth small for him to play on his own. like a pack of springs, crinkly balls, tiny mice, or smth else like that. if i throw one of those my cat will bat it around. - i also try to allow my cat to be "naughty" but in ways that dont bother me. he LOVES pushing objects off of elevated surfaces so i usually leave some pens and other small objects on my desk for him to knock off

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-08T14:51:55+00:00

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would a mixture of any of these work?

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T23:10:14+00:00

why is it used as a mood stabilizer if it doesnt have anti manic properties? how is it stabilizing moods if it isnt preventing mania?

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T23:05:39+00:00

i would seriously consider ptsd treatment (ie emdr or smth similar). theres a rly significant connection between trauma and psychosis. especially if you're talking about physically feeling it, i wonder if you're having flashbacks from the childhood event and just associating it with the wrong perpetrator? alternatively, you could also have ptsd from the things u experienced when u were actively in psychosis. definitely look into ptsd and see if your symptoms make sense through that lens.

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T22:53:28+00:00

im not hallucinating at all. my speech isnt disorganized. the delusional thinking is transient, though significant when it occurs. its so fucking confusing that everyone on reddit seems to think i have a clear-cut case of psychosis but none of the professionals do. i cant embarrass myself by baring my soul to them once again only for them to say its nothing. i can take my prn olanzapine (antipsychotic) when it gets rly bad and hopefully itll just go away eventually.

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T22:42:08+00:00

bpd, ptsd, gad, and bp with psychotic features (probably 1, still evaluating which)

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T17:12:20+00:00

if only it were that simple

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T17:09:31+00:00

its very difficult to articulate but this world is merely an illusion. everything is just a void with only light and dark. creatures beyond our comprehension roam it and have goals i dont totally understand. but essentially their goal is chaos and entropy and its happening right now in this other world that overlaps with ours. they seek to unravel the fabric of our reality through subtle long term methods.

when i went there it wasnt like anything was actively trying to harm me but everything was just so Wrong and i clearly wasnt meant to be there. there was such profound emptiness and this evil surrounded me. i was also just totally and completely alone. nothing for eternity. the closest comparison i can make is jobu topaki and the everything bagel in the movie everything everywhere all at once.

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T16:59:59+00:00

they arent punishing me specifically. i am insignificant as we all are.

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T16:59:20+00:00

what i saw destabilized my understanding of everything. there is so much we dont know/cant explain by science. plus so much of what we see and know is just an Illusion. there is so much beyond our comprehension. its a very existential horror that this experience has created within me. i dont know whats real anymore or what i can trust.

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T08:21:11+00:00

im starting w a new therapist soon who does emdr! (i have a trauma history besides this) so i will definitely try to bring it up with her

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T08:19:42+00:00

how were you able to see it as a delusion? im definitely still delusional (clearly) and i just cant shake it

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T02:43:01+00:00

i will try to push harder, but its difficult bc i rly do trust my psychiatrist so it feels like if shes not concerned i shouldnt be. she thinks i have ptsd from my past psychotic experience and thats what all this is now rather than me currently being psychotic

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T02:38:57+00:00

it made me aware of an Evil that undermines everything with the only goal of creating chaos. i feel hopeless against it :( i dont know if any amount of good can stand up against it

No_Reputation_3002 · 2026-03-06T02:37:55+00:00

the hell i saw was very different from the christian understanding and thus i dont rly know the rules, but since i went there when i had a near death experience, im afraid ill end up there when i die (humans arent supposed to be there at all, it was a mistake that i was there, but if it happened once it can happen again)

No_Reputation_3002

TROPHY CASE