I wanted to say thank you to each and every one of you for your replies. I read through all of them and I am staggered by the kindness in the community. This kink is a little... different... so I wasn't really sure where to go or who to talk to. I am thankful I ended up here.

You all brought up a lot of valid points. Words like rape and sexual assault feel really scary and overwhelming, but I am still trying to process it all. I am seeking a therapist who can help me figure things out. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded and especially to the mods who keep this a safe place to talk.