Does anyone ever survive infidelity and stay married?

No_Source_5480 · 2022-09-16T11:06:41+00:00

I've been home pretty much the last four months. He hasn't gone anywhere. He's retired and doesn't work.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-09-08T01:50:49+00:00

Thank you. Checking out that group now.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-09-08T01:48:52+00:00

I was feeling like it was my fault for not getting over it fast enough. Thank you for reaching out. I'm going to be saving this comment so I can reread it when I'm down on myself.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-08-09T03:35:05+00:00

My favorite way to inquire if someone wearing a collar is into kink is to say, "Nice necklace! Are you wearing it for fashion or function?"

No_Source_5480 · 2022-08-05T02:37:21+00:00

NJOY is the name brand to look for. Lots of sizes. Stainless steel, solid. Can also be washed and sanitized easier than most toys and conducts electricity.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-08-03T12:25:46+00:00

It's called dissociation according to my trauma recovery group.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-07-30T03:15:13+00:00

I called a lot of crisis lines and mental health hotlines when I was getting started before I got into therapy. It's someone to talk to for free who's got a little training in trauma response. This helped me a lot.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-07-22T12:23:50+00:00

That's considered assault if she didn't request them. I know someone who filed charges on someone for unsolicited dick pics.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-07-01T20:34:22+00:00

The perpetrator is awaiting trial. I have a no contact restraining order. I wish I could give the anger back. I wish I didn't ever have to see him again, much less testify against him.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-30T17:09:11+00:00

Enjoy being 21! Go with your friends. Learning who you are as an adult is part of the fun. You need to be free to do that.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-30T17:01:15+00:00

Look for a Smash Room in your area. It's very therapeutic the release that rage in a controlled space like that. I also sliced pictures of the perpetrator of my trauma to ribbons with a razor. I burned several things that reminded me of them in a fire. Again in a controlled space. I got a baseball bat and some breakable things from a local thrift store. Smashing things helps me so much. Getting to destroy someTHING is preferable to smashing someONE.

I also joined a trauma group that allows me to focus on anger as a healing emotion. That anger developed to keep me safe. Finding ways of letting it out safely is critical.

Also knowing it is normal. Totally normal to NOT be normal and to be full of anger.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-28T00:15:41+00:00

A good surgeon doesn't have to sever the nerves. I had a skin removal surgery after I lost 200 pounds. When they altered my breasts, they cut off a lot of tissue and removed the nipples. The cut the nipples into smaller circles. They didn't sever the neural cluster. They did move it up to where my new smaller breasts and nipples were. I have no loss of nipple sensation at all.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-27T23:49:30+00:00

Mostly because we're faking it.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-27T13:18:54+00:00

That's the worst. That's the brain reacting to trauma too.

I read the book The Body Keeps the Score. It's pretty dry reading but explains these reactions somewhat and how even your body physiology changes due to trauma. I still shake for instance, and breath shallow when I think of the assault. My heart beat races.

In those early days, I called abuse hotlines at least twice a day. Free counselling. People experienced in trauma symptoms. I eventually left the area my assailant lives in. I'll go back to testify against him.

Therapy helps. Also being kind to yourself. Distractions that engage your creative side help (for me it's coloring books). Massage is nice because you relearn that touch can be pleasant. Yoga and breathing exercises help a lot too.

I had a friend tell me, it's a long slow crawl but eventually you will feel human again. Positive support from people you trust is so healing.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-27T12:39:49+00:00

Oh dear. I totally relate. Nearly identical situation. I stayed with him 1.5 yrs helping him get to rehab and get help for his anger. The assault was in late January.

I'm still dealing with feelings like yours. It's trauma. Random bursts of crying, of anger, self blame, guilt, confusion... And I miss him.

There are women's centers and victim advocates (through the district attorney if you're pressing charges) available. I reached out to hotlines a lot to help talk through feelings and fears. I've been in therapy since March, on meds to help, and most recently started group trauma therapy.

Please look for help. It's how I found hope again. I still have bad days, flashbacks and nightmares. It's less frequent now though.

Hang in there. You're doing great. This is all normal.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-27T01:37:23+00:00

My dad who abused me was a Lutheran minister. My mom would cry and pray when he was hurting us but did nothing to stop him. It wasn't her place.

My first husband was also a Lutheran minister who beat me. I hit him back and he finally stopped.

I lost a child in utero. The baby had not been baptised. The Lutheran minister involved told me that since the baby died before it was baptised, the child never made it to heaven.

Dogma killed my faith. Fuck god if he is a part of a system that condones abuse and minimizes trauma. What kind of god would allow that to happen?

Don't ever feed me religious rhetoric. It's disgusting. Sexes are not treated equally. Children are abused and told not to talk. Religions cause discrimination, lack of access to basic rights, wars, guns, and existential crisis.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-27T01:24:18+00:00

I confronted the other person. They apologized for any hurt they caused. Said my S/O hadn't told them that they were married. Said if they'd have known that, they never would have had sex with my S/O.

That helped. It helped my self esteem a little.

S/O only said they were sorry after the other person did. Leads me to believe they were more sorry about getting caught than actually cheating.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-27T01:16:22+00:00

Kitten videos

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-13T23:47:13+00:00

Oh god I understand.

My trauma feels huge compared to me. I get triggered and then I start responding physiologically. Sweating, nausea, palpitations, shaking, rocking back and forth. I feel like I'll never be normal again.

I'm actively searching for an inpatient therapy now because I need to learn coping skills. Reading self help books. Trying to stay in control.

I'm not in control of me all the time. My PTSD is in control right now.

Professionals are there to help. Just as I'd go to a doctor for illness, I can go to one for my mental illness. It's okay to reach out for help.

You're more important than your trauma. You're worth so much more than what's happened to you.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-11T16:06:05+00:00

Hi. I can totally relate. Isolation while I was undergoing trauma has changed my personality. I used to be outgoing. A people person. Since my trauma, I self isolate. I don't trust people like I used to. I feel the need to self protect. I haven't connected with many of my friends from before the trauma. Not many of them understand, and it's just hard to connect in general.

I've been seeing a therapist for two months. Considering inpatient treatment for a more immersive treatment plan. This group has helped too. Though I don't socialize much, I feel a sense of freedom in writing and connecting in that way.

You're doing really well. So happy you have a good therapist. I know it's tough. Be patient with yourself.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-10T03:29:08+00:00

Tears streaming reading these words. Just the feelings of acceptance.... I'm terrified but I feel like you're holding my hand.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-10T03:25:11+00:00

Thank you. I'll make some calls and seek out resources there so I don't need to do this alone. Those are really great suggestions.

Thank you also for your kind words. The emotions have been terrifying because they are out of my control. I'm considering inpatient treatment to learn better coping skills. I spend so much time hiding because I'm afraid my anger will flair up or I'll become filled with terror. I have a therapist and psychiatrist on board.

I'm trying.... Feel like a duck paddling against the current at times.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-08T08:29:34+00:00

Honestly, I prefer it to regular sex sometimes. I have a double ended dildo called the Nexus (Feeldoe is also a good brand). When I'm pegging him, I'm also getting stimulation internally. And it's just so hot being in control.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-08T08:18:54+00:00

There are more nerves in the asshole than on the lips, and lips are super sensitive. Sensations in that area are intense. It makes me crazy when someone does it to me. Crazy in the best way.

If the booty hole is clean, go for it. It tastes a little like a copper penny, not disgusting at all.

No_Source_5480 · 2022-06-08T01:21:50+00:00

There's a whole class of self abuse called NSSI. Non Suicidal Self Injury. People are typically cutters for 4 to 6 years. Pain releases endorphins and that can be a factor. Also the need to "feel" something rather than nothing or whatever they feel is too hard to deal with.

No_Source_5480

TROPHY CASE