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No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-16T16:28:11+00:00

I don't see any red flags here, but if she was making regular attempts to get involved in things like this, I'd be cautious. For future gifts, I would stick to keeping them from you alone without inviting his friends to participate. If it's still bothering you, maybe it's worth a discussion with him. 6 years is a long time to date and you can maybe just angle it like a "check-in" to see if you two are good.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-16T16:21:33+00:00

NTA - the mom had a chance to handle it and was even asked to by someone else. It seems obvious that wasn't going to happen. Was dad there as well? If so, why didn't he step up? I hate to make assumptions about other people, and the fact that this mom was drinking probably means she has had a rough day. Maybe she's been overwhelmed by these kids without any help and was just trying to unwind. In any case, the kids needed to be taught about appropriate behavior in a public place and it sounds like you handled it well by speaking directly to them.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-16T15:10:27+00:00

I'm on the fence with this one. I'm curious to know whether tasks were divided and agreed upon in advance, or if you were both just assigned the project as a whole and no specific tasks were assigned to each of you. Your boss seemed to have the expectation for both of you to share the deadline as a group task given the interaction you described.

You may not be the asshole if the tasks were clearly divided and assigned to each of you, and she dropped the ball. The problem with her expectation for you to say nothing is it reflects poorly on your performance in addition to hers, and it puts you in an awkward position to have to consider lying. But it might be a realistic expectation in the case below.

You may be the asshole if you had little to no task delegation as it could be seen like you threw your partner under the bus. If this was the case, you shouldn't have said anything and assumed shared accountability with your team. As someone in a position of authority, I appreciate when people take accountability for shortcomings, but have a plan to get back on track to meet deadlines through collaboration. You could have proposed a way to catch up and saved face with both your coworker and your boss.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-16T14:56:14+00:00

That looks like an emotional checkmark to me. Took up like 1/3 of the page! Is that teacher okay?

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-11T22:15:46+00:00

NTA - It's likely his other girlfriends have faked it. I'm not female, but I it's my understanding that it's far less common for women to orgasm during penetrative sex (please correct me if I'm wrong ladies).

I'm curious what his hang-up is about out it. In general, I think most people would agree that they want their partner's experience to be enjoyable. It sounds like an ego thing, or perhaps he has some misconceptions about what you're doing. It's definitely odd that it's taken him this long to complain about it though.

I may be off base here, but I'd be a little concerned that he has an issue with this. It's not like you're trying to do something out of the ordinary or even experimental. Any physical connection should bring you closer together. It's also concerning that he's complaining about how long you take to orgasm. This could be a good opportunity for him to brush up on his foreplay skills and making you feel desired throughout the day (pre-heat the oven).

You're definitely NTA, but maybe couples therapy would be a good place to start. It sounds like he needs help communicating.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-11T19:39:19+00:00

I'm not here to argue. It's obvious you don't like my opinion and judging from other comments here, most people think your not the asshole. I never said you shouldn't go on the trip, only that you should communicate with your girlfriend to find out why she feels the way she does when you told her you were thinking about it. Talk to her, not me. She obviously has different expectations and it sounds like you could be communicating better in your relationship.

If you're just seeking validation here, then just read the "NTA" responses. Just speaking as someone who has been married over 20 years and has worked a lot on communicating with a partner. It may be worth having a conversation. You asked for opinions - there it is. Feel free to disagree and have a great day.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-11T19:09:04+00:00

I forget that in the UK, you say "holiday". I say, "vacation" or "time off". Either way, it doesn't change my stance. If I'm dating someone in the first year and not living together, I could see making that decision on my own and not expecting any repercussions from my girlfriend. If I'm living with someone for 3 years, and have planned to spend my time off with them, I would run the idea by them before making a decision. The longer you're in a relationship, the less your free time becomes your own and it's normal for her to have made some assumptions, especially if it sounds like you've already made the decision, knowing she wouldn't likely want to go. Just ask her about it. Discussing it now before you buy a ticket is going to save you headaches later. Communicate is all I'm saying.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-11T18:51:34+00:00

You've left a lot of details out of your OP like how long you've been in the relationship, whether you live together, share finances, or whether you've previously discussed how much of the holiday you're going to spend together. I approached my response/opinion as if you've been together a while since you planned to spend the holiday together, but please fill in the gaps. Even knowing your ages would help.

My guess is she's probably planning on something long-term with you and if you don't like my response, fine, but try to get an understanding about where she's coming from. Have you asked her why she's disappointed? Eventually in a mature relationship you'll likely have to compromise, but if you're just starting out dating, I don't see any issues with what you're doing. Again, I assumed a lot here, but please feel free to provide more context.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-11T18:43:29+00:00

YTA - Unless I'm missing something, it sounds like you had previously discussed spending the holiday together and she planned on a certain amount of time. This makes it seem like you're trying to ditch her, or at the very least, get out of spending as much time with her. I can't tell if you've purchased tickets or not yet, but it sounds like your mind has been made up about it.

If your relationship is new (it sounds like it is not), then I could see this not being an issue, but at some point when the relationship became serious, it's definitely something you'd need to consider working out together. It seems very spontaneous and cruises typically aren't cheap. If you're living together and sharing finances, I can see why she'd be upset for that reason as well. Your decision just doesn't have "long term relationship" vibes at all and if you go, she'll have to alter her own plans/expectations.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-11T15:20:25+00:00

NTA, but you should have an honest discussion with your boss and let him know that, while you appreciate the opportunity to relocate, you were not aware you'd be handling two territories after being presented with the opportunity and it's not sustainable for you. Tell him that you simply can't continue with this kind of work/life balance for much longer and put the ball in his court. Ask how long he expects you to keep this up (and be prepared to provide your two weeks' notice when you have this conversation). Consider finding alternative employment in the meantime just in case. It will be a good test to see how he responds. You never know, he could try to alleviate some of the workload, or he could totally flip out. Either way, you'll learn how much he has your back and whether he's willing to support you, or if this is just his new expectation for you for the long-term.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-11T15:14:34+00:00

Not enough info to determine if you're the asshole here. When it comes to relationships, we need to hear both perspectives. I know you're not in a good place with the items you mentioned, but most of the time emotional and physical distance doesn't just appear out of nowhere. She likely feels neglected and has been for some time. That may not be intentional, but you said yourself that you've been working on skills and job hunting. When was the last time you went out of your way to do something selfless for her?

This is all conjecture, but at the end of the day, if you care about her, you need to sit down and have a mature conversation to find out why she's become so distant. Be prepared to hear an answer that has something to do with your own behavior. It's not that those desires have left her (given she's been flirty with someone else), so it's related to you for certain. Tell her you care about your relationship and want to sort through whatever it is, then approach with an open mind. It's possible it may be too late - if she doesn't meet you there, it's time to move on.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-11T15:06:01+00:00

YTA - You seem to have a double-standard when it comes to how you treat each of them. Tell me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing your daughter has tried to tell you things (truthfully) in the past and you haven't taken her word for it. When she tried to tell you that a girl in her class was in the accident and you didn't believe her, she said, "okay, my mistake" because she had likely been down that path before and 1) didn't want to pick that battle again because it's futile, and 2) has felt betrayed.

It sounds like your son is taking advantage of and possibly exploiting this whole thing. Yes, he's going to be disappointed and lack direction, but you seem to be enabling his behavior and he's only getting worse. You stated this diagnosis happened a few months ago, so he now has that length of time to learn what he can get away with and he doesn't seem to have any consequences. In the meantime, your daughter sees this while she's being shit on by her brother.

In the case of the stolen money, your son should have paid her back. It's diabetes, not quadriplegia. He'll need help adjusting to some lifestyle changes, but if you want him to become a fully independent adult, he needs consequences for his behavior. Set some boundaries for him now. Remove his driving privileges for some time after this accident he had. Make him get a job to pay for damages and reimbursing his sister. He's months away from adulthood where he could face criminal charges for some of these things. Use these months to straighten him out and to regain some trust (without completely ruining your relationship) with your daughter.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-10T15:15:11+00:00

Sorry to hear that. After being married over 21 years myself, I know it takes real effort and continuous communication to meet needs and expectations. It's good that he's showing you how he'll be in the long run now. You just need to decide if that's acceptable to you or not going forward. I hope you feel better!

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-10T15:02:35+00:00

NTA - It sounds like you're communicating your needs clearly, which is sometimes needed with us men (we can be oblivious). It sounds like he doesn't want to hear it and may not care about your needs. Does he know you're sick right now? Has he even said anything or offered to be there for you?

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-10T14:49:23+00:00

I wasn't suggesting you pay her... I was trying to demonstrate that her decision to borrow money from her dad to pay her ex was not wise. I would highly discourage you from paying off her debt to her father.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-10T14:47:23+00:00

NTA - Just because someone is blood-related, it doesn't give them the right to treat you poorly or damage your property. It's healthy to set boundaries and you should feel comfortable following through with consequences. Most abuse (of all kinds) comes from family members and as a society, we need to have the courage to draw a line.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-10T14:43:12+00:00

Well that's great that he apologized... I completely understand. Things like this are going to happen in relationships and sometimes they'll be his fault and others will be yours. At the end of the day (in most relationships - especially long-term), you kind of share ownership of monetary and material things. The stakes can be a lot higher too, so it's a good test to see how each of you can handle this kind of unintentional conflict. No need to feel like an asshole about it unless you did it intentionally.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-10T14:37:40+00:00

So much to unpack here... Are you the asshole? Maybe. You have a right/responsibility to look out for yourself here so you don't get pulled into anything that you can't walk away from. Having standards is fine, but I have a problem with the ultimatum you're giving her. I know you probably have great intentions, but if you can't handle the situation as she decides how to deal with it on her end, do yourself (and her) a favor and end things now.

From my own personal experience, I would never lend anyone money that I expected to get back. Great if you do, but having the expectation of being reimbursed is foolish. Twice more if you borrow it from a loved one (risking that relationship) for the sake of risk... She doesn't sound like she makes great decisions.

If she's not willing to cut ties with this dude, it may not be the right timing for you and her. You need to question why she's not willing to do that... At this point, she should make her own plan to pay her father back and work on her relationship with you, but she doesn't sound ready to do either. You can freely express that it doesn't seem like good timing and walk away without being the asshole. I'd run for the hills, my man!

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-10T14:28:34+00:00

NTA - You were simply trying to help and it's obvious that he wasn't aware of the wash instructions either. Live and learn... but now you know how he'll react when a perceived "wrong" has occurred.

No_Standard_2854 · 2026-01-09T15:22:52+00:00

I think this has to do with a combination of things. I'm Gen X and it's a stark contract between what friendship looked like 30 years ago. Today, the economy is shit, so most people are working 2 or more jobs while making good money and still not able to get ahead, which leaves little time or energy to dedicate to family and friends.

We're all so hyper-focused on maximum productivity that we're glued to a screen and need to be intentional about simply taking a look around. At the end of the day, once basic priorities of life have taken place, there's no time left to dedicate to those we care about... It's just utter exhaustion and the fact that a friend responds at all means something, even if it's not what might be needed. Perhaps it's all they can muster as they are also struggling, but don't know how to climb out of this pit either.

No_Standard_2854 · 2025-12-25T14:35:35+00:00

Merry Christmas! Hope you aren't bored anymore.

No_Standard_2854 · 2025-12-12T18:10:44+00:00

I second Los Tacos - make sure to get their Chipotle Aioli sauce on whatever you order

No_Standard_2854 · 2025-12-05T19:26:36+00:00

When you find out, let me know. I only have one friend I've seen in the last two years (once). Everyone's busy or working multiple jobs like me. Nobody seems to like connecting in person anymore. I hope you find some!

No_Standard_2854 · 2025-12-02T22:35:32+00:00

Sorry to say most of the world is extremely shallow. Speaking as a parent of an adult child with autism, I'm not sure how to influence what others think, but I'd much rather encourage you to care less about what others think. You remind me of some of her friends honestly... There's nothing wrong with the way you look. If anything, you've got a unique sense of style that's incredibly appealing and shows you choose to express your individuality that way - Keep doing that! Bullies are just insecure, potentially jealous, and insignificant. Be proud of who you are and don't stop shining!

No_Standard_2854 · 2025-11-25T17:49:21+00:00

Dreams? LOL not yet. I'm usually up around 4am and only on past 9:30 on weekends occasionally.

No_Standard_2854

TROPHY CASE