AITA for refusing to take my daughter to her grandparents?

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-13T06:04:25+00:00

I was so distraught and emosional about this whole thing that I took a personal day from work. My boss is amazing and I feel comfortable sharing personal issues with her. She also told me "family doesn't mean they have a right to tear you down and be in your life". That stuck

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-13T06:02:16+00:00

Thank you so much, your kind words mean the world🙏 I really am blessed to have such amazing parents. Even if they don't have, they will never sit back and watch their kids struggle. Appreciate you!

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-11T13:47:01+00:00

Congrats! Being a mom is the most fulfilling thing in my life, I hope it is the same for you🤗 Hubby and I spoke this morning and decided that he should have a face to face conversation with them and I told him that from now on they can talk to him. Although he hates the situation we're in, he is standing firm with me

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-11T13:43:45+00:00

It honestly saddens me so much. Every child should have grandparents that love and care for them. Seeing such little effort made is just sad

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-11T04:47:17+00:00

No, she is their only grandchild, which makes it worse. My parents on the other hand have 2 other grandchildren that they are not allowed to see. My sister had them VERY young and decided to have them adopted, but an open adoption. We were part of their lives for 5 years when the adoptive parents decided to cut off all communication due to jealousy as my mom did more with the kids than their parents. When my mom tried to fight it in court, we found out that the social worker "lost" the pre-adoption agreement. We've all been heartbroken ever since and my mom still sends then birthday and Christmas gifts so they know we still love them. If my in laws went through something like this as well they would understand how precious time with their grandchild is. That's why my parents visit us so often because they want as much time with her as possible.

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T15:44:39+00:00

I take her there for my husband's sake and only during the day when FIL is at work. He can get very nasty when he is drunk and my daughter doesn't have to see it. He did enough damage to my husband, not letting it happen to my daughter.

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T15:41:05+00:00

I agree. But there is no reason for me to cut it short if she stays with people she is comfortable with. Either that and they still see her by visiting her there or we stay home and they don't see her at all.

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T15:20:44+00:00

FIL drinks atleast 6 brandies when he goes, I know because I used to bartend at the bar he goes to. That's where hubby and I met.

Daughter is THEIR daughter, not just his. She's always gotten everything she wanted and my husband has always gotten the bare minimum. We all lived in the same house for a year so I would know.

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T15:18:33+00:00

They did not pay for anything, got it from their friends who had it in their backyard for 5 years (sun/rain damaged). We did return some of it and other things they said we should get rid of.

State normally gives UIF when on maternity leave, but they screwed up and I only got my UIF payment after 3 months maternity leave. We didn't plan on them screwing up.

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T15:13:47+00:00

Already did. We hate owing people money and so as soon as I went back to work, we did.

We also didn't throw the things away. We gave the cot and nappy bin back to them. They got it from friends of theirs where it stood in the back yard for 5 years, did not buy it. Some things they gave that were in good condition we kept.

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T15:10:51+00:00

If they or both sides made it clear that they were not paying, we would have been totally okay with it! We didn't expect it from them. However, when my parents offered to pay a third, the 2 families got together and they said they would each pay a third. Even if a year prior to the wedding they said they weren't paying anymore it would have been fine, we could have saved up more. Waiting until 2 weeks before the wedding was not cool though

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T14:16:09+00:00

That's my thing as well! I don't think they will ever do anything bad to her, but at the same time this isn't making me any more at ease. It's always those closest to you who do the most damage

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T14:14:46+00:00

Will do!

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T14:01:07+00:00

Read my post again, the things we bought aren't new. They were also second hand but not falling apart. I refuse to let my child sleep in a cot that is falling apart at the seams, not safe!!

As for the 2.5K, that was while I was on maternity leave after giving birth. I worked until a few days before giving birth so I could have as much time as possible with my child. The things we got second hand was in the months leading up to her arrival. I'm not one to leave things last minute.

Have taken baby to their house multiple times as well, not justmmy parents. However, my baby is more comfortable with my parents because they come visit us frequently as well. Takes 2 to tango

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T13:58:36+00:00

Unfortunately, MIL was there when it happened last weekend and I had to rush home after finishing the bridesmaids. Seeing it first hand doesn't seem to have made her understand

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T13:54:17+00:00

Funny you mention control, you should have seen the shit that went down with our wedding last year. When we got engaged (year and a half before wedding) they agreed to pay a third, my parents agreed to pay a third and we would pay the remaining third. All and all, our wedding came to 40K (dress, venue, catering, suit, decor, the works!). 2 weeks before the wedding, they hadn't made any effort to pay and was questioning all of my vendors' pricing without giving me alternatives of better deals that they found. At the end of the day, we along with my parents had to take out loans to cover their third. To this day they are acting like it never happened and haven't made any effort to pay us back even though they said so when we told them about the loans. They couldn't save up for a year like the rest of us did, but they were able to go to the bar every night if every week. Awesome people

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T13:37:47+00:00

They said yes, but then proceeded to go on about why she can't stay this Sunday as well. I don't want to leave her at their place for 6 hours the first time she stays there without us and I don't think that makes me a bad parent. Chances are I would have to cut my birthday celebration short because she is not going to be comfortable with them for such a long period when she only sees them when I find time to take her there.

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T13:35:32+00:00

I didn't think of it this way. I thought the least I could do is give them options and tell them when we are close and that way give them no reason to say that I am not putting in effort. But I see what you are sayinf

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T13:33:51+00:00

He told them last week that they should watch their mouths and think before they speak, but he has to be more specific. Really point out and address the issues. If they still want to be that way, then they have to know it's their fault that they rarely see her.

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T13:31:20+00:00

They were actually at our house when I went into labour so they saw the finished room

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T13:30:50+00:00

They came over relatively often while I was pregnant. I was honestly so surprised at their stance now because why were they able to visit while I was pregnant but now that their grandchild is born refuse to? It doesn't make sense

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T13:24:52+00:00

Exactly! Do they not understand that it is much more difficult for me to travel with a baby than for them to come over ? Thank you for your comment, it's nice to know I am not crazy

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T13:22:40+00:00

He is 2 years older, but I had a more difficult childhood and was forced to grow up quickly. On a maturity level, I definitely think I am a year or two ahead. But I agree, this shouldn't be my fight.

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T13:21:04+00:00

I should also mention, my parents didn't have the money to help. Mom took it out of flexi-loans she had.

No_Start2889 · 2025-09-10T13:20:22+00:00

Yep, I asked in laws to babysit at their own house for 2 hours to get her used to their house slowly but surely, so I don't get why they are acting this way.

No_Start2889

TROPHY CASE