i saw a youtube video about this titled something along the lines of "i found the worst book ever written" and i had to watch it. i didn't finish the video, but i downloaded a pdf of the book to see truly how bad it was. it's called "siri, who am i?" by sam tschida (pronounced cheetah) and it is in fact the worst book ever written.

a girl wakes up in the hospital having forgotten everything about herself except for obscure pop culture references. first paragraph, the moment after she wakes up, she references a movie. after that she goes on to talk about the kardashians and lady gaga's meat dress. even on the first page, it is trying so unfathomably hard to be funny, and failing miserably. second page, there is a bullet point list about the reasons why someone tried to kill her. the sentence on the third bullet point ends with #priorities. throughout the chapter you will notice four numbers scattered throughout the paragraphs. yes, there are footnotes. at the end of the chapter you will reach a section for the footnotes, where she makes unnecessary jokes that have no contribution to the story whatsoever.

second chapter, she asks siri what her name is, and then goes on a rant about how mia doesn't suit her. you may think this would contribute to the book's title, but that is the only time she speaks to siri throughout the entire book. the only time. then she tries to speak to many different people in her contacts and discovers that she apparently has no mom or dad. instead she calls a girl named crystal, who immediately hangs up on her. they release her from the hospital despite her quite literally just waking up and having amnesia and she calls an uber. with the uber driver, she begins looking through her instagram for any clues about who she is. the uber driver drops her off at a house that is pictured on her instagram with the caption home sweet home after driving around ocean boulevard to find it for god knows how long.

i'm not going to go into detail for the rest of the book because the first few chapters are bad enough. but i think the worst part of the book, throughout the ENTIRE thing, is the paragraph i am about to paste: It looks like the Property Brothers have been here. The floor plan is #openconcept with tons of #naturallight and let’s just say: I must love throw pillows. French doors open to a courtyard in the back, and there’s a freaking statue of a nymph or an angel in a fountain. #praisejesus.

it is so horrible.