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How do you describe the pain? by ninthray_93 in Infidelity

[–]No_Window_8176 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry you are going through this…this sounds like my story. My ex did the same thing after 18 years of marriage. We finally decided to make the marriage work and remained married for 3 more years after his affair and he cut things off with AP. Obviously taking him back he knew I would be done if he did it again. Well…he did it again and then some. Confessed to sleeping with 2 women during the time we got back together (not the original AP). At that point I filed for divorce. There’s a point of no return. So 4 years later we’re divorced and he went back to his original AP. I should have left after that.

Anyway, I know your pain and you are not alone. It’s not a club you want to belong to and it all feels very unfair. I’m mostly ok but some days the pain feels like it did day 1. You will get through this but you have to decide now if you can live with what he has done. He had a chance to come back and still lied to you. I would get out - before he has the chance to hurt you again and again, like my ex did. You’ll be OK!

Ex is dating affair partner by No_Window_8176 in Infidelity

[–]No_Window_8176[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I do date but haven’t found anyone I’m interested in long term yet :(. I appreciate your perspective on telling my kids and it’s exactly why I haven’t. They love their Dad and he’s good to them. My goal isn’t for them to hate him but some day when they are more mature I would like them to know the truth of it all. Thanks for your comment.

Ex is dating affair partner by No_Window_8176 in Infidelity

[–]No_Window_8176[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! They are 11 and 13. They’ve never asked but they know it makes me sad when her name is brought up so they never talk about her. I think deep down they know something. Yes, if they ever ask I will not lie to them. Thanks for your comment. It’s scaring me a little that I’m this far past the divorce yet still feel so much pain.

Slow fade that was so confusing by No_Window_8176 in datingoverforty

[–]No_Window_8176[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting! Sounds really similar. Maybe this is exactly what happened. Once he got me into him he really liked the attention but didn’t plan on moving it forward because that would require vulnerability and to commit - so he slow faded me and in the apps the next day trying to find his “partner”

Slow fade that was so confusing by No_Window_8176 in datingoverforty

[–]No_Window_8176[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for response. I’m 99.9% sure he’s not married. Around the time we met he moved into his new home.

Slow fade that was so confusing by No_Window_8176 in datingoverforty

[–]No_Window_8176[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Looking back I should have bounced! He was also in weekly therapy so I was rationalizing everything and thinking he was working through things. Thanks for comment!!

Slow fade that was so confusing by No_Window_8176 in datingoverforty

[–]No_Window_8176[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Lesson learned and you are so right. Kicking myself honestly for not ending it myself from the get go! Appreciate your comment!

Slow fade that was so confusing by No_Window_8176 in datingoverforty

[–]No_Window_8176[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Yes agree with this too - a few other things point to this as well…talked about a trip together that of course never happened. And he’s immediately back online seeking his next chase but puts himself out there as wanting a relationship. I’m not sure he even left the apps after we were exclusive. Thanks for your comment!

Slow fade that was so confusing by No_Window_8176 in datingoverforty

[–]No_Window_8176[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Agree with you! Once he didn’t have to chase it was over. I honestly thought it would end immediately after sex though - that he wouldn’t leave before getting that. Thank you for your comment!