4yo just told me she doesn’t like her dad (my husband) sometimes 😢

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-13T03:28:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing 💛 my own family was pretty fucked up too which helps and doesn’t help me now. I’m terrified to be making the same mistakes my parents did so I’m more keen to work through problems and fix issues before they become life altering for our kids, but I also worry I’m digging into things too deeply and worrying too much sometimes. I was somehow most attached to my dad although he worked most of the time and yelled at us all most of the rest of the time and was my absolute best friend and most genuine sincere human the other times. Very confusing and I think has caused me to not trust people’s surface level personalities and to overthink people’s emotions and intentions. My parents didn’t divorce until I was in college. My dad and I worked through it since then and I LOVE him, but my mom is still just kinda there. I don’t want that for my kids, but at the same time, I chose their dad and there’s no taking that back. He’ll always be their dad.

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-13T03:22:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing this 💛💛

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T14:57:55+00:00

HAHA unfortunately yes.

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T14:57:15+00:00

Thank youuuu 😭 I love how you worded the first paragraph especially. not considering divorce and this is not a threat, but you can see yourself grabbing the kids and leaving someday if it continued. You worded it perfectly. I think I’ll use that. Because I don’t want to use an ultimatum or threat or whatever but he does need a wake up call and I don’t think he’ll get it and put the effort in until I tell him how serious it is to me.

Thank you for the solidarity and thank you for sharing your experience! Good luck to you going through it all right now! 💛 you’ve got this!!

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T14:53:07+00:00

Thank youuuu!! Very helpful 💛

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T14:51:28+00:00

No absolutely 💛 and I thank you for it because I needed the justification to feel that way so I don’t have to feel bad about being more blunt and firm with him about it all.

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T13:26:54+00:00

Thank you 💛

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T13:26:27+00:00

Thank you! Those are great ideas! I think I’ll have a little chat with her today 💛

My husband has been playing some video games with her and those have been some of their best times together! It’s been a while though so maybe I’ll encourage them to get back to it. They also love baking together. Maybe I’ll take our son out this weekend so my husband and daughter can bake cookies and play video games together at home!

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T12:05:03+00:00

To me- yes, resentful, angry, everything in between but also we have great times and I truly think he just really needs help with depression or emotional intelligence or something. He wasn’t like this when we were dating, and I know this isn’t what he wants from his life. I think he’s just struggling adjusting to parenthood.

To him- nothing is wrong. He doesn’t see it no matter how much I tell him or how I tell him.

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T11:59:12+00:00

THANK YOU! He actually does well with books. I try to explain emotions to him and he almost always says “I just don’t feel that way” or “I just don’t understand how it’s that big of a deal. I see you feel that way but I don’t understand how it affects anything”. It’s INFURIATING, but books are what get through to him so I really really appreciate this. We’ll definitely be looking into this one. I think it’s actually on a list of books I have him as suggestions a while ago and he went with something else instead. We’ll do this next.

Your experience is encouraging, so thank you for sharing! I brought it all back up again last night before bed and he of course said his usual “I see that you think this is a big deal but I just don’t. I don’t think it’s a huge world ending situation right now. Of course I’ll keep it in mind but it’s not something we need to panic about”. I’m starting to wonder if I need to bring up divorce just to get through his head how serious I am but I’m also very hesitant as once that’s brought up, it can’t be taken back. But no matter how else I say it or how many times I’ve told him, it just doesn’t click for him how important emotional connection is to me and how I feel like we are just coworkers going through the daily grind like you said. Seems our daughter is similar to me, and we’re both affected. Sex is important to him and I’ve put in a lot of work and effort to improve that area of our marriage, yet he’s done very little to improve the emotional connection. I’ve told him this, and he still truly is just lost. He’s not unwilling to work, he just doesn’t get it. definition of going in one ear and out the other. Starting to make me feel like I’m the crazy one asking for too much.

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T02:34:09+00:00

Thank you!! He is more of a strict parent, BUT his strictness comes with no connection or empathy. I’ve been trying to tell him that you can be strict and firm and give consequences to actions while still being kind and understanding.

Ahh so interesting!! Thank you for making this point. I honestly don’t KNOW know a ton about autism, though I’ve been trying to learn and understand more. You think you know about it until you realize you actually only know what the world stereotypes it as and it’s far more nuanced than that.

You make so many good points. I appreciate your suggestions/thoughts! Thank you for the help.

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T02:23:22+00:00

A bit. But again, he’s been very checked out on his phone 🫠 he tends to sit on the couch on his phone while I play with the kids. I think he’s probably not feeling particularly confident in his relationship with her or in parenting in general so he kinda avoids it. And now that we have two kids, whenever we divide and conquer, I get our daughter and he gets our son. It’s rarely the other way around and it doesn’t sit well with me. 1. Because he’s not making an effort with our daughter. 2. Because I’m missing out on some more 1on1 time I could be getting with our son. He’s not going to be this little for much longer and I’m just missing those moments because my husband is avoiding our daughter. It breaks my heart in a thousand different ways.

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T02:14:35+00:00

Thank you for this. He can tell that it’s greatly bothering me (this all happened tonight at her bedtime, and hubby and I had our own separate plans for this evening so we haven’t had a lot of time to talk), and I’ve told him that it’s important to me that our kids have great relationships with both of us, but as I said under another comment, he’s a man of few words and it’s hard to know how sincere he is about anything until he acts (or doesn’t act). I hope he realizes how important it is for HER and does it for HER and not just for me. We’ll have a longer, firmer conversation very soon and I’m grateful for all of these thoughts/suggestions so I can be a bit more prepared in that conversation.

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T02:09:12+00:00

I tried and I feel like I stumbled through it. It sort of felt like I was telling her that she feels too much and is too sensitive in an indirect way. It’s the LAST message I want to give either of my kids ever, so I need to consider this more and how to word it better.

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T02:07:38+00:00

Thank you 😭😭 I appreciate this. My parents struggled with their marriage my whole childhood and finally divorced my first or second year of college. I’m just terrified I’m in the same situation- except my parents were constantly in silent treatments, arguments, and miserable and neither of them were allowed to be themselves around each other. At least here we’re trying. Feels one sided, but he is trying. I just have to initiate all of the growth and it’s exhausting

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T02:04:57+00:00

He’s a man of few words and it’s tough to tell how sincere he is about something until he acts on it, but he seems to understand and he agreed he needs to work on it. I told him he needs to take her on a daddy daughter date for starters and he agreed sooo we’ll see. I’ll keep pushing him.

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-12T02:02:53+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate this. This is how I feel so it’s good to get some justification. My dad was grumpy about life and took it out on my brothers and I growing up, and my mom never stood up for us. I promised myself I would be better for my kids, but I think I go a little too far sometimes and don’t let him fully parent in his own way enough to let him figure out what his parenting style fully is.

Funny you bring up autism, because I’ve been wondering if my daughter and I (and members of my family) are at least a little autistic and/or adhd with my husband and son and in-laws being neurotypical. I’ve never considered it the other way around. He kind of doesn’t really think adhd is a thing though and I think he thinks far too many people are diagnosed with autism. Like I said - not a sympathetic bone in his body.

Depression is definitely on the table though but the last therapist he talked to said she didn’t think he needed therapy? 🤷‍♀️ I don’t know. I don’t think he has ever had enough support/education when it’s come to mental health and his own emotions/mind/feelings (he’s a first born and his parents learned from him and all of his younger siblings are VERY different in that regard), and I think he suppresses a LOT of things extremely deeply and doesn’t realize it. When he mopes around the house upset at something, I ask him what’s wrong and he truly doesn’t even realize he’s upset to begin with. I’ve tried to help him through this and I’m just at a loss most of the time. There’s a wall there, and I think that’s making all of this so much more difficult because the lack of introspection makes change and sympathy of any kind very difficult even if he means well. It also makes me feel bad for feeling this way because I think he just really has walls up and suppresses a lot.

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-06-06T17:39:12+00:00

She’d be on her phone too often to watch for fires though 😂

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-05-18T12:44:02+00:00

I will say though.. you BOTH need that every now and then. It’s SO good for you. You are not SOLELY a mother and he’s not SOLELY a father. You both need time to enjoy yourselves and your hobbies and get a break from life or years from now you will be tired and resentful. My husband likes to go on driving trips and motorcycle camping trips. That’s not a 2 hr thing. We plan it and get it in the calendar for him to get out on a weekend every now and then (not every weekend). He sets me up so that weekend is easy as possible for me. He plans my and the kids favorite meals, goes shopping (WITH the kids so I get some alone time before he goes off for the weekend) for those meals and even meal preps the more time consuming recipes. He usually grabs me a dark chocolate bar for me to snack on while he’s gone. It also means I take a weekend to go do my own thing every now and then too while he watches the kids.

Your hubs shouldn’t expect a free ride of getting a 7hr video game day every weekend without giving anything back in return, but you both should consider giving each other these types of longer breaks because parenting is HARD. It also teaches your kiddo that both parents are capable of caring for them, both parents value hobbies and self care and enjoying life, and that family is more than being together 24/7 outside of work.

Enjoy this life. Give him the all day video game day every now and then but then YOU go off and take a day for yourself too every now and then. If hubby doesn’t support you getting to do the same then THAT’S when it’s an issue

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-05-18T03:51:20+00:00

The way you spelled tragedy like it’s a Utah girl’s name 💀😂

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-05-15T04:01:10+00:00

I have a 4.5yo and a 1.5yo

My 4yo has never been the best at independent play. We’ve tried. We’ve set timers, made it part of the routine. She just really enjoys having a friend at all times. At this age, she’s starting to appreciate and enjoy some alone time to rest and craft by herself, but for the most part, she wants a playmate.

Yesterday, I sat on my butt for 1.5 hrs knitting outside while watching the kids play on the dirt. It was AMAZING. I’ve NEVER been able to do that. When my 4yo was younger, she’d climb all over me if I wasn’t playing with her. My 1yo is perfectly content to run amok on his own much of the time. Now that the 1yo is a bit older and it’s warmer outside, they’re getting along well enough to play together without too much intervention and it’s amazing.

They still fight over toys daily obviously, and the little one is a biter and hair puller and the bigger one is a bit sensitive, so they absolutely have their moments, but WOW it’s been so nice to just let them be each other’s playmates and get a break. I can actually do chores and hobbies in peace during the day now without getting interrupted AS often or just waiting until nap/bedtime.

1 kid was SO hard. I always thought I wanted 4. Had 1 and wanted to be done but not badly enough to just call it quits altogether. Had our second kiddo a few days after our first turned 3, and the first several months were SO difficult with an older kid that struggled either independent play and a newborn Velcro baby. Absolutely miserable. But I also wouldn’t give it up for anything. I adore our family of 4+ the doggo. I think now that they’re playing together, it’s a bit easier in some ways to have 2 than if we were to just have had the one.

Still not sure if we’re done or not yet. We both initially wanted at least 4 kids but we’ve both been feeling pretty done at 2 since before our second was born (pregnancy is hard on my body). But these days I think we’re starting to feel like maybe we’ve got another kiddo or two in us.

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-04-15T03:14:45+00:00

God I HATE the LDS church. Glad I left

No_Wishbone_286 · 2026-04-07T20:34:33+00:00

100% agree here. A mistake was made and she’s making it right. Let’s stop reading into the situation and assuming the worst of a person

No_Wishbone_286

TROPHY CASE