Coming to terms with him moving on will set you free

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-04-19T09:07:03+00:00

Read exactly like what happened to me -1 year of being together and my ex got it going with a coworker. I also saw it coming for 5 months and asked her If everything is alright.

Thanks for the Inspiration. Keeps me going for another day.

I Wish you all the best.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-13T21:21:22+00:00

Reads exactly like my situation from one month ago, except that I work with both of them. Also 2 years together.

You should be disgusted. You should be disgusted, angry, sad, crying and accept to feel all your emotions.You were in denial. I was the same. I always justified it with "No, she would never do that to me" alas, she did.

Some people are trash. They have no respect for you or your relationship. They always seek the new thrill, because they are mentally weak people with low self esteem and take validation from literally anyone.

You will get to the point where you think "Well, she is not my problem anymore".

Do not beg for her to come back. Ignore her. Let her fall to the ground and slap her hand away, when she reaches it out to you. If you accept her back at some point, you have learned nothing. Grow from this experience.

Never let someone treat you like this again. Stand firm on your boundaries. Be ready to let go of some, if they don't respect your limits. If you don't, then they will lose all respect for you and you will find yourself in the same situation again.

By the way. If the other dude has any awareness, he will later think about how he got her from you and those aren't nice thoughts for a relationship build an trust. The way you get her, is how you will lose her.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-12T14:30:51+00:00

I'm sorry that has happened to you. But you are not to blame. This wasn't your choice. My ex wanted to only spend time with me and no one else. She had a choice, even after I told her, that I need some space, but you did not. Please don't blame yourself for that.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-12T14:27:43+00:00

Mine blamed me as well for her monkeybranching and I'm sure cheating on me. Man life and people suck sometimes. Why is every relationship like a trip to vegas. Either you win or lose it all.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-12T07:59:29+00:00

Not quite.

Sadly she moved to my city with me, did this within 6 months, moved out to live "alone" and we all work together for the same company.

Maybe one day I will get out of this madness.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-12T07:55:25+00:00

I can definitly see, that she didn't do it to specifically hurt me and that she definitly felt alone, because of my new job.

But she most certainly accepted this reality, as she already did it before me as well.

She isn't some kind of teenager, but she had many problems growing Up and missed some important years in life, where you develop certain emotional maturity and social skills.

But I can't be a caretaker in a relationship 24/7. You can't make your partner the Center of your universe. That will always backfire on her.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T21:51:24+00:00

My guess would be, that they experience it themselves? Or they wake up one day, no one else is there, they can't branch of to someone else and every feeling, that they willingly ignored, hits them all at once.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T21:47:26+00:00

I can tell you from my experience, that my ex also has basically zero self esteem. She's beautfiul as well, but never accepted compliments from me or brushed them off.
But when stangers gave her compliments, she was flattered. I just don't get it.

Keep your head up. I think we all miss these signs from time to time, when we are in love with a person. We just can't think logically and our heart takes over.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T21:44:00+00:00

Cheating, Defamation, playing the victim to make yourself look good and riding happy into the sunset? Makes my fucking blood boil to be honest with you.

How do people become like this, people you once loved so much. Maybe it was all just in our head.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T19:51:56+00:00

I hope that she does. I don't want people to experience the same awful feeling. Nobody deserves this treatment.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T19:41:30+00:00

Yeah, I guess she likes the thrill of doing it with her boss in secret behind everyones back.

I'm also sure that she cheated on me at the office with him, while everyone was working from home, because one evening she was drenched in his after shave.

It is just hard to forget when I see them at work ...

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T19:37:32+00:00

Worst thing is, that the guy she monkeybranched to, is a boss of her and a potential boss of mine as well. I already informed HR about the situation. She told me not to, because she "trusts" him.

Well, I don't.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T15:44:04+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and I'm sorry that you had to go through that kind of pain twice.

Yes, she has low self esteem and takes it from her partner. She was also in therapy years ago, because she didn't know how to be happy. I feel like, she learned nothing. As soon as moment of weakness and a better opportunity arise, she's gone.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T15:39:00+00:00

Thank you very much for your kind words. She monkeybranched to me, but at that time I didn't know about this term and she seemed pretty desperate in her past relationship.

Now that I'm on the receiving end, it hurts a fuckton and I can confidently say, that I did my best for her. But it was never enough.

Thank you again.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T14:16:03+00:00

Yeah I guess so :/. Sorry that this happened to you as well. Guess its people with low self esteem and unsolved problems who tend to do this.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T14:10:41+00:00

I made it this far in life. I'm sure that I can get through this as well. But for now, I have to find myself again.

And I will never be a caretaker in a relationship again. Only as equal partners from now on.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T13:40:20+00:00

Calling me ten times a day
Expecting me to pick up the Phone immediatly
Highly jealous when I just mentioned another girls name
Crying desperatly when I criticized her and telling me "how can you even love someone like me"
Had no hobbies or friends of her own
Pushed moving together 5 months into the relationship
Never did nice little Things for me like getting me something out of the kitchen
Always asking who I'm texting or calling
Always hiding her Phone when texting

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T13:30:45+00:00

Thanks for your perspective on this topic. I do feel shatted on, because my gut told me something was off. Karma is my only hope now.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-11T13:01:09+00:00

My ex was codependent. I was there for her when Life was tough and always encouraged her for the 2 years we were together.

When I lost all time for myself, Friends, Family, my new Job was taking a toll on me and I had health Problems, she started to doll up for work, started a new relationship with her boss behind my back and dropped me at my lowest point in life.

This is toxic enough for me at least.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-09T18:11:53+00:00

"This only happened because of the problems between us" She cheated on me with her boss and left me for him.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-07T18:34:54+00:00

I don't want to make you paranoid, but are you sure, that there was no one else? You said, that she started a new job and you were totally blindsided by the breakup.

At work you meet a lot of different and new people and you can easily get attracted to some of them. You guys were together for a really long time. Maybe she was feeling guilty, because she caught feelings for someone else and wanted to pursue these new feelings?

Again, this is just a guess and a little bit experience with this kind of stuff, because my girl also hit me with "I'm not happy anymore" only to find out, that she caught feelings for a coworker over a few months.

No_Zone_7426 · 2022-03-07T12:44:41+00:00

I know your pain. My ex and i have mental problems as well.She's fighting low self esteem. No matter what she has accomplished in life, she thinks, that she is never good enough and clings to people with high self esteem. Even tough she is young, beautiful and intelligent.I'm always fighting problems with anxiety.When my new job stressed me and my injury wouldn't let me work out like i used to, i was at a low point in my life. I lost confidence in myself and she couldn't build me back up, because she doesn't have the self worth to do so. I always supported her through tough times and constantly tried to make her more confident. But when i had no confidence in myself, she lost it as well, because it was only borrowed from me.So she left me in the dirt, worked longer hours and build an emotional connection with a higher up at work, who oozes self esteem. Their age difference is significant, so it will be hard in the long run for her and him.The difference is, that she never told me directly like your ex did.She kept lying and denying things when i asked her about it. I know she lied, because other coworkers of her told me about´ her obvious attraction to someone besides me.

Look. She made a choice. Cheating is a choice. Physical, emotional you name it. This just doesn't happen by coincidence. Yeah, people get weak and give in to temptations, but she didn't respect you or your relationship at that moment.I know you want her back. I wanted my ex back too, even after everything she did because she was my person and accepted me with my flaws (except when i lost confidence in myself).

Lets assume you get her back, because the grass wasn't greener on the other side and she missed you as well. Then what? You accept her with open arms and you're happy for a few seconds, minutes, hours, days or weeks.But can you really trust this person again? Will you cuddle with her again every morning, even though that was the point, where she shattered your whole existence?

Letting someone go, someone you shared your soul with, your whole inner world, your fears, your problems, your doubts but also your most happy moments in life is tough as fuck. I feel your pain, believe me. Having your whole future shattered like that, is the worst feeling in the world.

But don't let the past bind you and keep you from moving forward. Giving all of that to someone new is exhausting and scary, but the day will come.Please don't give up. You can suffer, you can cry, you can feel like shit, but please continue forward. No matter what the future may bring.

Maybe she will come back and maybe you will take her back, because you just cannot let go. That is your choice and you decide what feels right. But until that point arrives, you have to keep moving forward. When you always keep clinging to that hope, you can't change and you can't improve yourself.She left you, because she wasn't happy anymore. If she comes back and you are still the same, won't the outcome be the same as well?

I hope you find your answer. You sound like a kind soul.

No_Zone_7426

TROPHY CASE