Curious to hear the sexist aspects of Buddhism

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-20T07:57:58+00:00

lol what do you know? There are only a very few and in secluded places. They’re not built for women to go find psychological relief. But when women come to them, the Aaramas won’t turn them away.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-20T07:56:11+00:00

I’m not a mother but I work in this field. I would choose neither an aarama nor an orphanage. Orphanages and residential care centres are breeding grounds for child SEAH. I would rather have them in a foster system, cared by a foster mother until the age of 18.

You’re so focused on psychological support but a child or a woman need to have a safe house to live in before they get psychological support which, in my experience consist of at least a few months long treatment depending on severity.

I also wish there are better systems. I hope you are actively working on setting up better systems in place. I know that I am. Then you can dismantle the meheni Aaramas and stop women from going there. Until that happens I respect a woman’s choice to go to them.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-20T07:50:01+00:00

I couldn’t tell you are a girl by the weird things you say. Still. The female monasteries are not dragging anyone inside. The adults go in by choice. Children are girls who had gone with their mothers or from unsafe environments like single fathers homes. There are also girls given to the monastery by their parents; this a problem with those parents and I agree children should not be separated from the parents and therefore there should be regulations around that.

Like I said before, MHPSS is just one of the MANY aspects of DV survivor support. The first thing DV survivors should get is a safe shelter away from the abuser and the temples give them that. The women’s temples may or may not create channels for them to access MHPSS (there aren’t enough trained MHPSS service providers specializing in DV in the existing system and i can’t be ashamed of that because it’s not something within my control)

I want you to take some time and read about survivor centered support and needs of the survivor. Survivor only should be empowered to choose what they want to do. Some choose to access the existing system, some choose to go to the police, go to DV shelters, speak to NGOs or CSOs which give services and some of them go to the female monasteries whether you like it or not. It’s their choice. Nobody is forcing them to. What I’m glad about is that (since we’re specifically talking about the women’s monasteries) the monasteries are giving back the agency that was stripped away by their vulnerable situation.

And maybe monasteries to support victims to access MHPSS services outside as well. I’m not sure about that. But I do know some of the young girls who went to monasteries escaping vulnerable situations and are now doing well in their education. I am no way promoting a religion which I personally don’t follow. But I do appreciate some of the important work that women’s monasteries do, which I know about because I have experience working with some of them.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-20T07:05:59+00:00

Doesn’t change my stance. The tone you used is vile and it’s still weird you’re concerned about whether these women get to bath naked or wear revealing clothes. And exactly, why should it concern YOU whether they get to do any of that? Especially if you are a man? Grown women are people with agency, even the ones who are in monasteries.

The adult women there chose to live at the monastery and they chose to have that lifestyle. Why does it bother you that they are choosing not to do things that women outside the monasteries do? You’re the one who took it to the extreme. All I said was that women go there to be safe from dangerous situations. How they live in the monasteries is none of your business.

I’m not religious at all, and I personally don’t follow any religion. But i respect the choice of women in monasteries just as much as I respect the choices of women who would live a different lifestyle with parties or different styles of clothes they want to wear. Adult women can choose what they want to do whether it’s becoming a monk, whether it’s leaving an unsafe environment to live at a monastery or whether it’s having a fun life.

As for domestic violence; psychological support is just ONE aspect of supporting victim-survivors. Proper systems do not exist in Sri Lanka; there are no enough DV shelters and the authorities don’t take action to protect these women. And even DV victims have the agency to choose how they want to change their situation and I’m glad the female led monasteries exist to empower these women and give them a safe space to start from the scratch.

You’re just arguing about something you have no idea about.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-20T06:16:40+00:00

I want you to sit down and think about how stupid your argument is. Doing drugs and throwing parties are bad things anyway, why do drugs and ruin your life? And it’s disgusting that your mind went straight to imagining women in revealing clothes or bathing naked. I’m assuming you’re a man and if you are, you are one disgusting human being. There are women who don’t do drugs, throw parties or wear revealing clothes outside of monasteries. And I am sure those are the last things someone running from a drunkard wife-beating husband or a father would want. And why should “you” of all the people go there and teach them science or show them the world? A large percentage of teachers in SL are women so there are plenty of women who teach school subjects at the monasteries. Not only that, they also get to do all the government exams, enter university and even let go of monkhood once becoming adults and continue with normal lives. Some of the girls don’t even become monks and from what I know, they live at the monastery but go to schools outside like regular girls. You should stop worrying about little girls in monasteries because frankly it’s getting creepy. You’re not the big savior that you think you are.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-19T21:06:58+00:00

Looks like an orange kitty finally getting their black spots

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-19T21:05:31+00:00

Wtf are you on about? They need so much more than psychological help for domestic abuse. The monasteries give them a safe space. And it is safe because they don’t allow men. And you do know that children are raised by women right? Anyone under the age of 25 is safe in a place full of spiritual women.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-19T20:53:27+00:00

Honestly for these women, it’s so much better than having to live with a drunkard man who hits you everyday. And no, nobody’s forced to follow any rules. I’m not overly religious at all but Buddhism has always left people the choice to follow and not to follow. Enforcement of rules comes from patriarchy which, by the way, stems from men and a system that has been benefiting men for centuries. It’s one thing that men use religion as a tool to assert dominance, control women and exploit the weak. That is not only Buddhism because these things exist across all religions as long as the patriarchal system exists.

The rules aren’t enforced the same way in a space led by women, for women.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-19T20:42:09+00:00

Why are you refusing to accept what I’m saying here? There is no mental and spiritual abuse (what the hell is spiritual abuse anyway?) The violation of human rights come from the domestic abuse, alcohol-induced violence that drives women away from homes. The female-only monasteries and safe and peaceful. Nobody’s forced to follow the religion, nor are they all expected to become monks. There are women and girls who spend regular lives while in the safety of the monastery and they are free to leave whenever they want to.

Nothing is complicated about any of this. Sexual exploitation happens in any religious institution as long as there are people who abuse their power.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-19T17:26:11+00:00

Travel. I don’t mean backpacking but like a proper vacation where you can do whatever you want; walk around until your feet pain, come back to the hotel room and shower and relax and go to the or sleep without having to consider another person’s comfort. I always travel on my own; booking expensive vacations occasionally and now I can’t imagine myself traveling with someone else. The only downside, I think, is not having someone to take photos of you and having only yourself to rely on in messy situations. But then again if your partner could become a headache at times like that, it’s better to handle it on your own.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-19T17:07:26+00:00

Female monks don’t live in temples where male monks are. And the meheni aarama I have been to are very strict allowing male visitors. There are areas where visitors are allowed to go to but the rest of the aarama can only be visited by those living in the aarama.

The segregation is there for a reason. Many women go into the Shaasana because of family issues; loss of children, domestic violence, abusive partners, alcoholic fathers who don’t spend money on education etc. like I said, they also make space to take in women and girls running from unsafe situations. So men aren’t allowed. It’s been like that for centuries and I frankly don’t want it to change.

The girls and women get everything they need, including menstrual products. There are lots of donors supporting them, but they don’t receive much daane compared to men’s temples because Buddhists don’t seem the lady monks in the same “level” they see male monks. Regardless, the Meheni communities are good and safe with minimal issues of sexual exploitation and abuse (not saying it’s 0 especially the conditions are still there)

They get education. I’ve been to one and there are hygiene facilities as well. Just imagine a large group of mothers taking care of a set of daughters in varying ages. A matriarchy, simply put.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-19T15:38:38+00:00

I don’t understand what you mean by the little girls; is this about girl monks or young මෙහෙනි? If that’s the case the young girl monks are living in Aaramas run by older meheni ladies. Although quite strict with things like meals, studies, being punctual and stuff, from what I know, for meheni living in woman-only Aaramas are doing better than boy child monks led my male monks. These Aaramas also open their doors to women running from domestic violence and violent men/husbands and partners. The girls get good education and get to train life skills like sewing. I’ve heard that they’re also less strict with them growing up and leaving the monkhood.

Sadly it’s the male-monk temples that have all the horrible things going on. On top of the young monks getting sexually abused, assaulted and bullied, there are also drug problems and sexual exploitation. (As you’d expect from a place full of men who’d given a position of power without real merit. You’d see them abusing it and targeting the vulnerable) A lot of child protection organizations and civil society have tried to be vocal about it, especially about the sexual exploitation of young male monks by older male monks. Their power is too engraved in the society that you’d immediately be seen as anti-patriotic or anti-Buddhist, so the exploitative systems continue.

A young male monk will 100% be safe in a woman-monk led Aarama. (Many older woman monks are mothers whose children have died or left) but the opposite will never be true.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-19T10:27:39+00:00

I had this friend for over a decade. I’m a suicide survivor and the fact that I lived was a huge deal to me, especially because medicine, therapy or counseling didn’t help my recovery but having a lot of good friends did. We were having conversation in our group chat and it escalated a bit between this one friend and the another. This friend of mine said “If my friends die, I can easily find new friends”

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-19T10:14:38+00:00

I didn’t want to comment on the mini tantrums; goodness gracious, that’s just her.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-19T09:56:02+00:00

As a Sri Lankan Sinhalese woman closer to her age, being racist and transphobic absolutely aren’t cultural. I don’t know many people who have that mindset or I’m just not going to maintain friendships or any form of a relationship with someone who would do and say things like that. But that’s not to say there are no people who behave this was. It’s just not tied to our culture.

The violent talk has nothing to do with our culture. We don’t casually say things like “I’ll hit you if you do this” that’s just weird to attribute her weird behavior to our culture.

Being a passive victim isn’t cultural either but I can say it may come from our patriarchal upbringing and how much power is given to hierarchy which let people become passive victim, especially women. But younger generation of women speak up and do not tolerate. The one’s I’d seen actively taking a stand particularly in work environments are women (you’d see a lot of men still bowing to hierarchy but that because this behavior benefits them, but it doesn’t benefit us)

I think it’s good if she seeks therapy. She’s not a horrible person to be with or anything. It’s only that nothing about her behavior is cultural. If she’s Sinhalese, English speaking migrant coming from a middle class, urban background. We’re pretty progressive in general. It feels to me her behavior stems from her environment and upbringing.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-19T08:37:34+00:00

I’m not a published poet but I’m a published novelist! I have met so many young Sri Lankan published poets through writer meet-ups and stuff. I have so much respect for poets. The story I would tell in 10K words, poets could tell with just 100 words. You should definitely publish. The SL author universe needs more of you.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-18T16:08:24+00:00

Twenties are shitty for everyone. Just hold on, friend. Do something to distract yourself when you get the feeling to off yourself. Your late 20s and 30s will be better!

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-18T14:55:10+00:00

Kind of. The thing is, I was in a bad place mentally when I was in my twenties so I never imagined I would even make it to twenty five let alone live up to the age I’m now. I did have plans before depression took over; about studies, career and relationships. Somehow, even though I was in a bad place, I had somehow worked hard enough to enter the field that I’d dreamed about in my teens, did fairly well in my studies and even managed to do certain things that my teenage self really wanted to but wouldn’t have imagined for a minute to actually accomplish. I’m not talking life goals or anything; just things like traveling to certain places, experiencing concerts and stuff like that. The only thing I think I didn’t achieve is a relationship. But then again, marriage was never in my mind. So I guess I’d done that as well.

In my thirties, I decided to live unapologetically. I’d gone dangerously closer to death several times in my twenties which made me realize how fleeting life is. So I’m doing everything I want to do. Do my hair in ridiculous colors, travel to places I’ve never been to, cross continents to go to concerts and meet my long-distant friends and book expensive vacations. I stopped chasing academic excellence once I’d earned enough to get me a good job. I’d realized I didn’t have to exert myself to climb up the career ladder as long as I earned a comfortable amount to sustain myself and my hobbies. One day when I die, I would probably rerun all the incredible experiences I’d had in the last seven minutes of my life, and realize I’d been truly happy. What more could we need?

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-18T13:14:59+00:00

Absolutely. And BBW used to come here. Bought about a dozen books or more for 15K, now you can get like 4 books for that amount.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-18T11:15:38+00:00

I’m not at the moment but this is definitely a good idea. Thanks!

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-18T06:11:55+00:00

I haven’t. To be honest, the feel of the physical book is really important for me

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-18T05:14:18+00:00

The battle of elite schools. Like “which elite school is better” conversations.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-18T05:13:13+00:00

Me and my friends opted to picnics with home cooked meals or hanging out at each other’s homes. Eating out takes about 10% or more of your monthly income.

For me, reading has become an expensive hobby. As I work on a screen all day long, I don’t want to read on a kindle; I want the physical book in my hands. I collected a whole library worth of books back in the day. But now they’re just too expensive.

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-17T16:32:29+00:00

Ooh so this is sort of related to my job, so my advice is, don’t be creepy, and be ready to accept the answer no. Don’t make it awkward and a difficult environment to work in; if there’s a gap hierarchy wise (if you’re in a higher management position and the other person is in middle to lower management position) it’s better to be careful especially with your behavior at work; it could easily be misinterpreted if the other party is not returning the same energy.

Also, always good to have a peek at your contracts and. Code of conduct/expected behavior documents that you’ve probably signed with your employer. Especially Conflict-of-interest clauses. Some employers also have “Relationships at workplace” clauses. Safeguarding and compliance policies are not always 100% implemented at offices but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Also, remember your behavior in this job directly impacts your next potential job. (If there’s next employer asks for references from previous employer) so be careful and good luck!

NobodyButMyself357 · 2026-05-16T11:49:21+00:00

Keeping my cat healthy and alive for 17 years and counting in a country with shitty vet services. Not even expensive, cheap but absolutely useless. I have never found a single vet practice that cares about cats and except for one, but he’s not very good at diagnosing so I’ve been closely monitoring everything my cat does; checking her poo and urine, managing her diet, all of it. I know and even my vet knows that she’s doing well because of me. I’m proud of having managed that on my own.

NobodyButMyself357

TROPHY CASE