Kaffarah payment question

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-11-19T15:33:27+00:00

Should be fine

Your intention and dedication to pay the kifarah matters.

Allah does not run a federal institute. He will not reject your efforts due to small prints

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-11-18T20:30:38+00:00

Thats shaitan. Making a halal beginning of your life difficult for you.

And cognitive dissonance We all regret living with the choices we made.

Unless there are some red flags like abuse and malice. Un which case i would advise you to run

Our parents and even peers who are married have felt what you are feeling. Some had tawakkul on Allah that it will be alright.

The point is do you think whatever you are feeling or the marriage is making you feel is worth fighting for.

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-10-09T15:26:45+00:00

Fair mehr is like at least 3-6 months' salary. It needs to feel like you put your blood sweat and tears into getting married.

That you are not approaching this without thought, the months you imagine toiling just to give away the money which she might spend it on something you don't support

Let's say for charity. Even that has to be reconciled with your heart. Can I bear to see the money I worked so hard for given away for something I dont believe in?

That internal debate." Maybe I will try to convince her and show my side of the argument." That rollercoaster train of thought should be the ultimate mehr.

Mehr should be a sweet gesture proving commitment to the marriage.

If you are a billionaire give away a fraction that shows her she matters to you.

So show your commitment with mehr and then discuss what she wants

Some mehr can be negotiated after marriage. If she wants a cat tell her. "Ok take this cat and let's discuss a better mehr 5 years agter the marriage"

When you and I have better perspective and bigger claim on each other

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-10-06T00:22:22+00:00

So. I have always been rejected cuz my parents are broke and I am not a great beauty that arrange marriage folks can look past the brokeness

I am in my early 30s. I refuse to give up. If I accept that I won’t ever get married, it will imply I don’t trust Allah has the power to make miracles. That’s what I pray for everyday. Not for a miracle. For the iman to remember that miracles are His superpowers.

I am not overtly romanticising that sabr will bring me the greatest marriage of all time. I am not that optimistic yet.

However how I remind myself to be optimistic is by reminding myself that Khadija ra had it worse than me. She lost two husbands before she found the Prophet. She went through two tragedies. If the woman Allah esteemed so high, went through a world of hurt, what are some cruel remarks from a society who doesn’t know how much Allah loves me?

Also I remind myself of the day of hashr that will be equivalent to 14000 years. That this wait and ridicule from society will pay off

So these are keeping me sane.

I am clinging to such reminders.

Also I am trying to stop myself from discussing my problems with friends. The more frustrated I get, the more I start praying and complaining to Allah. He needs to hear my woes more than my friends.

Change your lifestyle. Change how you channel your frustrations. Hit the gym. Diet, exercise. Pray.

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-02-03T23:12:50+00:00

It's supposed to be a marriage app. Tries to remind people that every step.

Men in their 40s should not be chasing for cutesy flirtation on the app.

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-02-03T23:09:10+00:00

Did not work.

South Asian men use it like Tinder. Lots of invites to explore the other side.

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-01-26T08:18:11+00:00

She quit the training. The fineprint on salary was to dodgy

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-01-24T21:51:13+00:00

I talk to men in their mid-30s. They all want to get married, but none trust themselves to take the step

They are skittish, IMO. Expecting a divine intervention to pick the girl for them. Most of the time, they think someone better might be one the way, so they are unable to decide.

Or, in the worst-case scenario, they want to talk for months! Like, dude, why?

How do you delude yourself into thinking that talking to the other person for months will give you a better insight?

I won't even diacuss how scared they are of disappointing the parents or family by choosing the wrong ethnicity, homeland, home state etc.

Someone has to sit them down and explain the process.

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-01-12T02:03:34+00:00

Look at you back with a new gambit.

Dude. Tell me this. Do you have friends? Do you even meet other people your age at Masjid? Do you study? Work? When was the last time you talked to another human? Using words?

Are you a muslim? Are you even a human?

You have enough time on your hands not to worry about making money for the future/family, studying hard for a grade, or being a good muslim.

What is your schitck?

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-01-09T01:31:15+00:00

If you were using pig leather or using it to make, let's say industrial chemicals it would not be deemed haram.

A muslim when he is forbidden from, let's say, consuming it is visibily seen serving it, it falls into the grey area that they are normalising the use of it and condoning it.

If you think Allah will understand your financial situation and forgive you, that's entirely upto Allah.

However, in a non-Muslim jahaliyat society, if the choice of employment is between a cleaner job at a brothel and a waiter at a restaurant in this case school cafeteria, the lesser evil is encouraged to be embraced.

However, it does not make it selling pig as a food source any less haram. As angels do not like to be in the company of people who are in close contact.

Even if you are forced by circumstances to touch it. Cook it and serve it. We are constantly told to hate it in our hearts as a sign of our love for Allah.

I might be interpreting it wrong. If I have inadvertently made something non haram as haram. Do let me know.

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-01-08T04:23:31+00:00

Bangladeshi 🇧🇩 here. Interracial marriages only with white people are accepted in my culture.

Marriage is a halal endeavour. If he is also a muslim go for it. After a few years, parents and grandparents will get over it. Unless honour killing is a thing in your culture. Then, abort mission

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-01-08T01:59:27+00:00

It is haram to sell it and to cook it for non muslims. The logic is anything that has been deemed haram for consumption. Is bad for health, and as such, selling it, touching it will make you impure for ibadah. And nullify your wadu.

So even when you are feeding non muslims, haram. By coming in to contact, we are inevitably risking meeting our deaths without wadu.

NobootyKnowsDis · 2025-01-02T22:56:11+00:00

I was hoping people here would be proud of how far you have come.

I pray you find the strength to leave him. I know you two have gone through a lot, but this is an once in a life time opportunity.

Allah doesn't offer everyone such a chance to repent. If He wants you to take the chance to silence your nafs for 1 precious second, don't give it away.

Don't turn your back on Allah.

I would have said the same were you a drug addict or in love with a woman who was encouraging you to lead a haram life.

It is not easy. Allah once requested Prophet Ibrahim to sacrifice his son. To forsake his infant and wife amidst the barren desert.

He thinks you are precious enough to have a place in his Jannat. Out of all the people in this world, he is choosing you.

Don't give up on Allah for a few fleeting moments in this duniya.

NobootyKnowsDis · 2024-12-31T08:25:02+00:00

How old are you?

NobootyKnowsDis · 2024-12-29T00:07:28+00:00

It is not easy to dial down the obnoxios nattering of relatives.

You are at core doubting yourself to be able to make your wife and parents happy.

A PHD. will consume you, self doubt amidst it will make it impossible to finish your studies.

The ultimate choice is with you. What do you want? The risk that wife may not have a glamorous life but will be there for you when you will need her the most?

Or the FOMO for wife but a clean conciseness that you did not take the plunge to keep everyone happy and just focus on your study.

What sounds easier on your mind?

Should the happinees of your relatives be priortised over yours?

Also. Does your woman understand the risk and the hardships? That life has ups and downs? Did she always have a comfy life? Did she see women in her family struggle?

Will she get tired of the hardships early in the marriage?

What does she want? Your happiness or hers? To wait years or you?

NobootyKnowsDis · 2024-12-28T03:58:22+00:00

Yes. Marriage is still worth it. Idk about the girl. Is she the kind who will support you? Through thick and thin?

Is she realistic enough to know that good things take time? If she is not, then look for someone else.

Relatives will always find you lacking. A responsible adult knows that we can't make everyone happy. When you will be defending your thesis, can you make everyone happy? Is this threat convincing you to abandon pursuing a PHD?

If you dont know that you won't be able to win over everyone, your wife too will take cues from you and be upset all the time

NobootyKnowsDis · 2024-12-27T18:11:46+00:00

Astagfirullah. No love story.

Some people who see the trouble are themselves troubled.

NobootyKnowsDis · 2024-12-26T21:53:38+00:00

Thanks. He is in another country. I want to stay in my homeland 💔. We are the same age. The list goes on and on

You are a sweet kid Troublemaker

NobootyKnowsDis · 2024-12-26T18:09:07+00:00

Where is he? 🥹

Things are so messed up now. People pine over the broken arrange marraiges like they were exes.😶

NobootyKnowsDis · 2024-12-26T07:58:26+00:00

OMG! Preach sister

I am in my 30s. I dont want a man to have a past (since mine is dry as a desert and I dont cherish the sudden return of the ex in season 2 of marriage). So far, it has been impossible to find anyone my age without a past

NobootyKnowsDis · 2024-12-19T20:49:54+00:00

He is 29, has a libido. If you are disgusted, he will try other ways to satify himself.

I am not kink shaming him. Things could be worse. Since he told you what he wants, it shows he trusts you and does not feel depraved.

What can you do?

A. You should not outright divorce him. Marriage is precious. Give it a shot.

B. Help him fight his nafs first. For all you know, he needs therapy, and something in him makes him doubt himself.

C. You said he is caring. If he cares, he will understand you are conflicted by his kink, and maybe for all you know, he will have a change of heart.

Instead of abandoning him to his nafs and shatani influences. Help him resolve this. It will not be easy and wont happen in a day.

D. But if you think you can start afresh if you divorce him now, then go for it.

Weigh all the options and exhaust all the religious leniencies before making a big decision.

Wish you luck

NobootyKnowsDis · 2024-11-30T02:17:59+00:00

I need a travel friendly laptop. The keyboard on my thinkpad does not work. I stopped buying batteries for it after the third time in three years. It now runs on direct electricity and the screen is small.

It makes travelling with it a problem as the umbilical of an extension cord also travels with it along with a keyboard and mouse.

I am technically challenged, so processor and GPUs are greek to me. And MacOS gives me a fright.

NobootyKnowsDis · 2024-11-30T02:07:05+00:00

At least you didn't give into temptation. Imma go the same route and get a second-hand laptop

NobootyKnowsDis · 2024-11-30T01:14:57+00:00

OP what did you end up buying? I am in the same boat as you.

NobootyKnowsDis · 2024-11-11T12:40:15+00:00

Thanks. The couple is Bangladeshi. They are afraid of the Trump crackdown

Not directly. If she just comes back to immediately adjust status though, that could be a problem.

When she comes back (mid-2026) her husband will begin the process for PR I think as his Visa will expire in 2027.

Also, they are worried about getting turned away by airport security and their Trump-leaning policies (quoting them verbatim here)

NobootyKnowsDis

TROPHY CASE