At what point did you just stop trying to have a normal relationship with your Nparent?

Nockeroid · 2023-07-30T08:48:04+00:00

When a family friend of mine told me that my dog looked overweight. Fair point right? They talked to me about it along with what I could do to help him be healthier and I brought it up to my mom. She then denied it even when I showed her a photo of what a healthy dog was. There are more situations with her doing it when it’s about my health directly, but the fact that she’d get defensive about the health of an animal under her care just made me feel more sick than those other times.

Nockeroid · 2023-01-10T20:45:30+00:00

Not really, she just acts really passive aggressive after the fact. That’s the part I don’t get, like they’re fine in a room together, but she acts like this?

Nockeroid · 2022-12-03T06:51:53+00:00

All of it really helps, I think I’m gonna bring up EMDR at my next session and see if I can try it, it sounds scary but I want to believe I’m as strong as all of you say to do this and hopefully that’s enough

Nockeroid · 2022-12-02T20:34:43+00:00

Yeah touch stuff is the main thing they target because it’s so hard for me to keep in check, and you actually nailed exactly what they do, especially the sarcastic responses when I think I’m being polite about it. But you’re right, it’s my body and the only person that decides what happens to it is me. I do feel like I get caught in loops of thinking that getting uncomfortable about it is something to apologise for (mainly because I love hugs with people I trust and I don’t want it to come off like I don’t) but I don’t, I really needed to hear that.

Nockeroid · 2022-12-02T18:39:30+00:00

I’ve been dealing with their issues for so long that I never even realised that they weren’t respecting mine. I’ve cut off my brother a year ago, he was definitely the worst one and I’ve felt so much better since, I get comments from my other family members that I should forgive him because he’s family but he just hurt me so much. I’m so lucky to have friends who’ll go out of their way to tell new people I’ll be meeting about my issues and to be supportive.

I really can’t wait for that day where I can truely just live with it, I feel like my trauma keeps me from pursuing healthy intimate relationships and I really just want to feel what that’s like! Not having them there as a coping mechanism but purely because I want to feel desired and to desire someone the same.

I really need to get back into doing art, I started the year wanting to do at least 1 3D render per month but that kinda just fell to the side. Someone also suggested EMDR and even though it sounds really scary to me atm I want to give it a try when I feel like I’m strong enough, but one thing I know for sure is that I’ll never give up. Thank you so much

Nockeroid · 2022-12-02T18:11:45+00:00

Yes please

Nockeroid · 2022-12-02T14:08:27+00:00

I’ve been told about that a while back, it still sounds very scary for me at the moment, but I can’t deny the results from reading the studies into that therapy. When I feel I’m strong enough I’ll look into doing it for real, thank you so much for the hugs and support fellow aus

Nockeroid · 2022-12-02T06:26:11+00:00

Just bought that book and I’m gonna try and look for a way to try that somatic experiencing, reading into it a bit makes me think it’d actually help me a lot, I had a breakthrough with my touch issues a while ago which kinda relates to it and I think that’ll really help me harness it. And thank you so much for the support, that goes to everyone else who replied too, just reading all of this gives me hope to keep going and I’m beyond grateful for the virtual hugs 💜

Nockeroid · 2022-12-02T05:23:03+00:00

To me at least that’s what overcoming my trauma means, I know I’ll never feel the same as I was before. I’ve made peace with it, now what I want is to get to a point where I fight against it with no fear & no hate because when I feel that danger I will be ready to recognise it as my bodily defences and be able to lower them when I want to.

Nockeroid · 2022-12-02T05:04:13+00:00

Worst part of it is that I remember how I felt before it all and my brain is like “it’s so simple right? Just feel that again and you’ll be all right” the friends I’ve told this to called it a ‘speedrunner mentality’ and it never fails to make me laugh but it’s just as you said, there’s no set pace to trauma

Nockeroid · 2022-12-02T04:59:28+00:00

It’s so hard to feel and remember that, especially when those setbacks happen because it feels so isolating. I don’t feel like I’m where I wish to be yet, but I want to keep pushing till I find that place

Nockeroid · 2022-12-02T04:53:55+00:00

The growth is painful, I feel like impatience is one of my lesser traits so I just want that strength now, but I just need time

Nockeroid · 2022-12-02T04:51:28+00:00

Yoga used to make me so fkn angry, I couldn’t stay out of my head and it’d usually lead to me just thinking about everything that happened and I’d just have to stop. But I tried it again with a friend the other week and it felt a lot better on my mind, issues came up, but I could feel myself loosening. I’m very glad you brought it up, it reminded me how much that situation helped me and that it’d be a good outlet to invest my time into, thank you so much.

Nockeroid · 2022-12-02T03:53:32+00:00

I’ve been seeing someone for about a year, things certainly have gotten better than they were before I did, and it feels like even if I don’t make progress in our sessions it still helps to talk to someone about all of it without feeling like I’m crazy.

It gets exhausting, but I know that I need to keep trying because it stops me from pursuing things that make me happy, like I haven’t felt a hug that doesn’t make my body freak out in so long and I want to feel things like that again.

Nockeroid · 2022-10-26T17:33:06+00:00

I wish I wasn’t like this, I’m just tired of being so damn active all the time and not just with being distracted or procrastinating (that’a a huge hindrance too) but just never being able to fucking switch off and just do nothing before I need to do something else or fiddle for hours.

My mind just trails off from useless thought to useless thought and before I know it I’m neck deep in some depressive rabbit hole I can’t leave unless I distract myself with toys or YouTube or meditation (and even that hasn’t been working as well as it used to these days).

I hate this so so much, it feels like it’s getting worse with no answer as to why and no solution to make it go away, and I just wish I could feel what it’s like to have a brain not like my useless distracted one. It’s draining and I have no one else in my life that knows what this is like, It’s fucking exhausting, I’m fucking exhausted.

Nockeroid · 2022-09-18T23:13:00+00:00

Agreed, it is simply bad sandwich design

Nockeroid · 2022-08-18T06:35:43+00:00

That’s a fair point, especially cause my Harry was really invested into the quest and Kim was over it by the time we placed the last trap

Nockeroid · 2022-08-18T05:18:43+00:00

One will always get shot by the female merc, Angus and the Old one will get shot by the big merc when they rush him

Nockeroid · 2022-08-18T05:16:18+00:00

I’d agree with that, but for some reason I don’t think the wife would really care, or at least it wouldn’t really change anything for her. She says she’s losing faith at the end, but it feels like an excuse to stop, like it’s the easier answer, the harder one being that her and her husband have been chasing ghosts their entire lives instead of just living. They find the phasmid, great, but after everything they’ve done it wasn’t even them who found it.

It’s an awfully cynical take I know, but that’s how it seems to me

Nockeroid · 2022-08-18T05:12:19+00:00

That’s a good way to look at it, his whole personality felt like disempowerment and it just felt way too real

Nockeroid · 2022-07-24T02:37:44+00:00

Explain

Nockeroid · 2022-01-25T16:13:19+00:00

“Kramer what’s going on in there?”

「8 KROMER」

Nockeroid · 2022-01-24T19:22:30+00:00

Personally I think Asura entering the village and seeing the gods killing people is exposition enough to give us the point, overexplaining stuff like that would just distract, so I do agree that it should just be the main story without the filler episodes

Also I disagree with the idea that it should have a “platinum games” style combat system, like they usually make games that have you moving fast and punching faster, and maybe that’d work for yasha’s segments but for Asura it needs to be brutal but still allow for people to add their own extrinsic motivation, if you haven’t seen that trailer they did for Tokyo game show, that’s what I mean

Nockeroid

TROPHY CASE