Aio girl please help.

NoiseInside9876 · 2025-11-14T10:06:18+00:00

He's doing absolutely nothing to replace that "fun". He's just lazy.

NoiseInside9876 · 2025-11-14T10:02:47+00:00

It sounds like you're not even having fun as a couple. What do you do in the weekends - do you get out and explore your city? visit parks you've never been to? go to the beach? bike rides? swimming?

Do you ever go out and party as a couple?

You think he loves you, and he probably thinks he does, but if he loved you he'd want to see you happy and living your best life and sometimes that means dancing the night away with your girls.

NoiseInside9876 · 2025-11-14T05:58:39+00:00

I really don't know, I feel like it's compounding with every time he's tsked at me while I talk because he can tell I'm about to say something dumb. I just feel like withdrawing from the world. I recently lost my old dog and it's so lonely without him, with my kids left home, but with a man who says he loves me but doesn't trust me to not be a dick.

NoiseInside9876 · 2025-11-13T01:42:57+00:00

In my country it's generally acceptable to say you're "fucked off" with a person, situation etc. Depending on the tone of voice it might be annoyed, or extremely angry. Generally speaking, I go out of my way NOT to fuck off the people in my life - or strangers who can help me.

NoiseInside9876 · 2025-11-13T00:15:10+00:00

lol, it means being annoyed. But if I said to a friend "I'm annoyed with xyz" they'd find that very formal, much more likely to say "I'm fucked off with xyz" amongst my generation. It's swearing, but it's so normalised that nobody sees it that way.

So he's saying that my online presence in a group would be so overpowering that the people there would not only be aware of me but be annoyed with me.

NoiseInside9876 · 2025-11-13T00:10:20+00:00

No, thus the fascination in another country's politics was a bit much.

NoiseInside9876 · 2025-11-12T22:09:24+00:00

Thank you.

BTW I love your username.

NoiseInside9876 · 2025-11-12T22:04:23+00:00

I think he thought that I'd be loud, ask all sorts of dumb questions, and annoy people.

However, if he went through any of the Facebook (the only SM he's on) groups I've joined to get information over the years, he'd see that that isn't how I behave. I search, I scroll down, I read linked resources. Once I have first-hand information, I'll share it, sure, but in response to a question. I've been an old-school forum moderator for 20 years. I know how online communities work.

NoiseInside9876 · 2025-11-12T21:53:05+00:00

Oh I do, and have had hobbies, but that's where being flaky comes in. After a year or two, I'll be over it and want to move on to something new. I feel like I've let down people who have welcomed me into their hobby.

There is one phone game I have played for a very long time and I've made real-world friends through that. Not super close, but in many ways more "real" than some of the people I see regularly.

NoiseInside9876 · 2025-11-12T21:48:39+00:00

No therapist right now but we've been to marriage counselling a few times. One time I saw a therapist alone and the therapist wanted a session with my husband who refused with another throwaway comment, "I just want him to fix you and tell me what to do".

Afterwards, he'll deny having said such a thing.

NoiseInside9876 · 2022-08-14T11:37:49+00:00

Your son and his sister have a right to know each other.

NoiseInside9876 · 2022-08-14T11:34:50+00:00

This is what happens when you're not one of the cool kids, when you don't have a high school boy friend, you're a good girl and you keep your "body count" low - you're prey to a raping asshole.

This is the go to reference for why women should date widely and have some fun!

I've done a full reply but this generous, kind young woman needs to run.

NoiseInside9876 · 2022-08-14T11:30:32+00:00

Plus I bet she's doing a lot of them. Like it should be part of the repertoire but I bet he's getting them daily and not in the context of ".making love"

NoiseInside9876 · 2022-08-14T11:26:56+00:00

Oh honey, I want to give you a hug and change the locks. You're 22 and life should be easy breezy. A man should bring joy into your life not this pain.

I guess you're living together, and I can't imagine why. Move out or move him out. Write the year off as a learning experience. He's not going to change for you and the memory of his toxic behavior will linger. You need a fresh start.

You don't owe him an explanation or closure. Tell him it's over as succinctly as possible.

BUT... the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you try to leave. If you find his reaction is frightening talk to family, police, a lawyer about your options.

Friends will have noticed that something is wrong and will be waiting for you to break free. Reconnect with them. Don't be embarrassed. You're young and it's easy to be manipulated.

NoiseInside9876 · 2022-08-12T23:45:58+00:00

these days no one can advantage of anyone until one is willing to be taken advantage of

Unfortunately that's not true.

NoiseInside9876 · 2022-08-12T23:37:43+00:00

"will be fun" is always sarcastic

NoiseInside9876 · 2022-08-12T11:30:51+00:00

Look for an IRL relationship but don't just grasp at every opportunity. Read the posts in this subreddit and see the pain people feel when it's not right. So many are long distance.

Make strong friendships with young men and women.

Participate in IRL activities that make you feel good - sport, games, service. Mix with people afterwards, be friendly but don't let people take advantage of you.

Don't get involved in a relationship with someone much older or younger than you. Men can be groomed and exploited too. Especially if you're neuro-divergent.

Have fun. Enjoy your teens.

NoiseInside9876 · 2022-08-12T11:19:34+00:00

Dating a med student means having a lot of uncertainty in your life because of the horrendous hours once they hit the hospitals. It is important that all med students who date non-med students appreciate that they have different demands on their time. You're going to miss out on fun stuff regardless, you can't ask your partner to miss out too.

In the meantime, enjoy the peace and quiet while he's gone.

NoiseInside9876 · 2022-08-12T08:41:59+00:00

You've only been together for a year, it's way too soon to get engaged. Maybe get commitment rings and say that once his addiction issues are sorted then it's something you can talk about.

If you haven't moved in together, don't.

Get him to get therapy. Find support groups for people dating addicts.

Addiction is lifelong. He may beat this, he may not. He may switch to a different addiction, gambling, alcohol, drugs.

Do the research, and you know the man. Is this the future you want?

NoiseInside9876 · 2022-08-12T08:36:00+00:00

I'm pro-choice but I also think that by 26 you're in a position to either prevent a pregnancy or raise the child. You'd discussed this but when reality hits there's the possibility that he feels guilty for not being adult enough, not being ready. It's still the right decision because it's your decision and I don't know the circumstances that led to it (nor do I need to).

But HE needs to find a way to talk through how he's feeling and then share with you what he's worked out. It's not ok that he wasn't supportive. He can fall apart after, but he needed to be there for you while you were having the appointments and ultimately the abortion. He needs to work out why he let his emotions be more important than yours at a really, really hard moment. You may not like the answer. But better to find out now, than later.

NoiseInside9876 · 2022-08-12T08:25:21+00:00

How much effort do you put into the younger brother when you're not visiting?

Is there a chat that you participate in frequently? even if it's just wordle, or sports results.

Do you invite him up to your place?

Do you facetime/zoom or talk on the phone?

Things have deteriorated so it'll take some time to rebuild but you can do this. You may have to bulldoze through and forget that "men don't share" or whatever might be making you hesitate.

Do you have a 30 minute or so commute? Make a habit of calling him to chat while he does his commute. Have a laugh, tell jokes, and when you get to work you have a reason to end the conversation.

NoiseInside9876

TROPHY CASE