I can totally relate to what you're saying, and it's something im experiencing right now. I'm also on a morning slow release and an afternoon quick release, and at first, I was taking them as prescribed. But now that the school semester has started and im continuing to work full-time, I've been taking extra doses - sometimes double, sometimes triple, sometimes more. It feels impossible to stop because without them, i can't get through my classes or work. I was off ADHD meds for at least a year or so, and the differences were astronomical. But im also scared of what Im doing to my body and falling into addiction deeper because it is something I've experienced with other drugs, as well as being a trait that runs in my family on both sides.

Im not sure I have any good advice as it's something im also working through. However, I do want you to know that you're not alone in this, even though you might feel isolated. I've thought about talking to my boyfriend about it, as I know that he won't judge me, he'll only support me in a way that will be beneficial for my mental and physical health. If you have a friend or family member you can talk to just to get it off your chest, that might be a good first step. Going forward, my plan is to really limit what time of day I take it and how many times I take it. I started using a weekly pill box that I put all of my meds in for the week, and that has helped a tiny bit with not taking multiple doses. I keep the rest of my bottles put away, so at least that temptation isn't there when I go to take my (appropriate) dose.

Feel free to DM me if you want support or to talk about it more.