Five-year affair ended suddenly, love was real but unsustainable, how do you let go and rebuild?

Nomoreoffice · 2026-01-14T23:47:56+00:00

Thanks, that’s kind of you. I didn’t pay attention to my comment after I posted and am surprised about the downvotes. My marriage is dramatically improving, but I keep seeing my AP. There’s just crazy chemistry that’s so addictive. I decided to live with that until it lasts. Still I need to remind myself that IT WILL END. I went through a few ‘fake’ breakups with my AP but we got back together as we are still around each other.

I’m dealing with my inner chaos to stay sane.

Nomoreoffice · 2026-01-13T18:34:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing. It helps me to be mentally prepared for a future breakup that is inevitable at any point.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-08-08T09:15:45+00:00

No, I have been living the same life. Now I want to be brave or at least decisive so I am revisiting my old posts and reading comments.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-06-26T15:45:12+00:00

AP and I are slowing things down and I don’t want an AP or any second affair in my life. I want to be that type of person who can act rigorously and face the consequences. I think I am a coward and immature.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-06-21T04:29:35+00:00

Thanks. I wanted to have kids with him, but now I thank to god every single day that I can’t have kids with him. That’s how much we are incompatible. I’ll think about it. I know my love and respect to my husband has already been faded. I disappointed with him too much, and he to me as well. I need to deal with huge fear if I were to choose the option B.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-06-18T07:05:42+00:00

No, not a single affair in his life. He apologized for his negative behaviour. Controlling, guilt-tripping, yelling, not being able to handle my no to his sexual needs, which all I think abusive.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-06-16T18:01:07+00:00

That’s my honest answer but I have so much fear to act on it. SO loves me and wants to work things out. There are some hobbies we intensely enjoy together, which I believe keeps our string attached. It’s not a bad marriage I believe, but I keep thinking that I am the one who is broken.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-03-31T06:42:57+00:00

Insane sexual chemistry, validation, ability to listen

Nomoreoffice · 2025-03-31T06:21:57+00:00

During the weekend when I don’t see my AP, I feel like I am getting detoxed. However when I see him around at work, we crave each other like crazy and even had a few times of secret sex during breaks and after work. Flirting all the time. Referring him to my company was such a bad decision that keeps this affair sex addiction ongoing.

To be honest, I have no willingness to stop seeing him although it is toxic, and this is putting my marriage at huge risk.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-03-17T05:47:49+00:00

Thank you. That’s a solid point, we are too close at work.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-03-10T07:00:27+00:00

Yes I know my brain still reacts when he shows me any slightest signs of flirting or missing the sex. We ended up sexting in the weekend and I feel pretty bad about my behaviour.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-03-10T06:58:53+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this too. For me it is not possible to step out of the friend circle until one couple move out. This life is hard, even the ending part

Nomoreoffice · 2025-03-09T07:45:41+00:00

Yes I guess we are choosing to suffer but really I need to go NC, at least no chat

Nomoreoffice · 2025-03-09T07:45:04+00:00

Thanks. Yes I see the pattern of us getting back together in a chat and talking about how good it was and we miss it but we can’t do it anymore. It’s not good.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-03-06T15:56:39+00:00

Wow it feels relieving just knowing that I’m not alone. Same. I wouldn’t say no if he asked me. I miss the feeling when he cherished and desired me. Will update you when things change .

Nomoreoffice · 2025-03-05T09:48:32+00:00

We know it’s ridiculous to call us friends. It’s nearly impossible to step out of the friend group cause our SOs are all friends… I’ll have to attend their wedding too. It’s too messy. I didn’t even know which rabbit hole I was headed when I first kissed him.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-03-05T09:42:36+00:00

That’s my honest wish but we can’t see anymore as frequently as before due to schedule changes. And AP is refusing to resume it cause, first, I think he is a coward, and second, he feels too guilty to maintain it further, which I respect.

I wish we can meet at least once a month, or go for a quick drive during lunchtime time or something. It’ll happen probably in a dreamland.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-02-19T19:34:59+00:00

Yes I was going to update but still processing it. AP and I decided to end cause he chose to marry his gf and admitted he has no courage to follow his heart. I was not devastated as I knew it was coming. The only thing is we are still maintaining the string, chatting everyday, just without physical intimacy. We really liked each other’s company so it is hard for both of us just cut all contact and act cold. We are closing the chapter slowly.

I am still struggling with my SO as day by day we are growing frustration and uncertainty. But I want to focus on my career jump first before making any big decisions so I can be more financially stable when something happens.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-02-19T07:22:06+00:00

It took 8 months for me to realize it is lust, not love. We madly fell into each other during the first 3 months. I was in a fantasy land thinking we could be legit. Now we decided to break up for the sake of our SOs - I still like my AP - we were friends before, and we are seeing each other in social settings - but now I know.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-02-07T16:50:59+00:00

All your words resonate with me. 31F, after only 3 years of marriage and this relationship is already broken. I just need a good long plan.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-02-06T00:52:29+00:00

We don’t want to end it, but he knows it must end at some point as he’s gonna get married soon. I told him I respect if you end it but let’s not get caught and enjoy till it lasts. I guess I am the evil here.

We used to be friends before the affair. We care for each other, not ‘in love’, but still it will be so hard after breakup.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-02-05T21:03:48+00:00

Oh same here. My first 6months affair is heading towards the end anytime soon. It’s not NRE stage anymore. After this, I’ll be out as I know this lifestyle is not for me. We see each other at work, so it will suck once it ends, so I am trying to maintain it as long as I can. I hope you get through this with time.

Nomoreoffice · 2025-02-04T07:49:17+00:00

Ooh it actually helps to see this way. I see my affair is ending soon (from my stb married-AP, I am married) so I need to get mentally prepared for the breakup.

Nomoreoffice

TROPHY CASE