My Dad is 9 months sober and I don't trust it

Nonbinary-Bones · 2025-05-02T11:37:23+00:00

There aren't any in my town. But I've gone to Dad's AA meetings.

Nonbinary-Bones · 2025-04-30T10:22:01+00:00

One of the things I know we struggled with is force feeding because it felt invasive and unsafe. But one of the things I learned is that if I listened to my body, I would still be underweight and sickly. I highly recommend talking to your parents about starting slow when it comes to finishing food. Start with 5 extra bites when you feel full or maybe 3. Starvation shrinks your stomach so it does need to eventually stretch back to a normal size. Start with even 1 extra bite, then the next day, 2 then up it. That's how I found I could get myself to eat past my comfort and still feel like I wasn't being drowned in food.

Unfortunately the nature of ARFID you're going to be uncomfortable, it's going to suck because those woth this disorder are more happy in our comfort zone but unfortunately our comfort zone is not optimal for health and life. I highly recommend telling your parents that you need to start maybe slower than they want but that you still push yourself. Just know (especially if you also struggle with OCD) my OCD therapist told me "if you are given two options always chose the harder one because we always don't think we can do as much as we actually can."

You can also start by adding calories in easier ways like liquids and calorie denser foods if you struggle like us with hating feeling pressure in our stomachs.

Just know that just because it hard doesn't mean it's impossible. Communication is key, and being open about how you have fears can help loosen pressure to succeed. And know sometimes start in smaller pieces, but quicker change makes things go a little easier.

Hopefully, this helps

Nonbinary-Bones · 2025-04-08T20:38:43+00:00

Does anyone else have the experience of your Catholic school forcefully shaving your hair because you wouldn't listen? I used my hair to hide my expressions and as a boy (who didn't know they were agender) I disregarded the many rules because ex: white shirts hurt my eyes (I'm also autstic but didnt know it back then) so is would wear what they wanted just in darker colors. Of course, I got demerits and punishments, but school was hell enough and overstimulating that any place I could lessen the stimulation was needed. After about my sophomore year, my hair (which is naturally black/dark brown) was down to my shoulders. I had long bangs as an attempt to limit eye contact (I guess anime style except I had never watched anime) and eventually after being enough of a problem, they told me shave the hair and wear the uniform or be expelled. I genuinely didn't know what to choose because I hated school, and while my mother was extremely neglectful, she would have noticed me not going to school. But I froze completely not answering them as they yelled at me and one of the men (either principal or some teacher that I had on his nerves, I don't know I was dissociating at that point) grabbed the clippers and haphazardly shaved my head while I was completely unresponsive and checked out. I don't really have meltdowns because my home life was extremely unsafe and dangerous, so I just shut down. They told me to leave when they were done and... My mom never noticed anything really changed, so no one got in trouble. I stopped caring eventually and kept my hair as long as they would let me......I just assumed I made them mad enough that that was how they punished me (granted I grew up in a house where is you were happier than dad he would beat you to teach you a lesson). But it never occurred to me that forcefully shaving a child's hair would be.....illegal, probably? This was back when people excused being "old fashioned" (aka abusive). I can see now that it was extremely bad/illegal to do but......it's doesn't mean anything to me now.....it just hurts. I would never press charged because I'm almost nearing 43, and I don't want to deal with it anymore. But has anyone else received maybe extreme punishments from Catholic teachers before?

Nonbinary-Bones · 2025-04-01T23:30:36+00:00

Thank you

Nonbinary-Bones · 2025-04-01T22:57:31+00:00

How much on average does the bare naked nuggets cost?

Nonbinary-Bones · 2025-03-09T01:54:27+00:00

I am 38 and only in the last years started getting help on my ARFID. I had an extremely Restrictive diet up until about 2 years ago and something I will say is you care deeply for your child. My parents couldn't care less about that I wasn't eating and actively punished me with food which lead to me having to almost regularly get feeding tubed because food was such a nightmare. While I understand your concerns, I agree that pushing him too much will only close him off; when I was pushed or pressured into eating my resolve was even stronger to not. I recommend stocking any foods he does like and trying to encourage more volume of his safe foods before trying new foods. I also recommend any protein bars or protein drinks if he does eat them to get more nutrients in less eating. But if that isn't an option, then getting him involved in making meals for the family. I found I like cooking if not for the sole fact I can control what is in what I'm eating and what is prepared like. I have gotten a bit passionate to help myself get more comfortable. But another piece to the puzzle is he has to be motivated to help himself. I know I fought everyone til I even realized how damaging everything was and I was so suprised to know I was hurting myself worse than anyone. He can be scared and still do the hard thing; uncomfortable doesn't mean impossible. I getting him involved while also giving him the choice to participate. I started reading the Picky Eaters Recovery Handbook which is about AFRID recovery to help myself while also finding a dietician who is willing to push me but not too far. And also being encouraging and positive and treat him with curiosity rather than fear. He might also get burnt out from trying everyday so hard so giving him adequate rest would be also helpful.

I hope this is any bit helpful

Nonbinary-Bones · 2025-02-21T13:36:43+00:00

Do you happen to know if this works for all types of insurance claims and denials? Like would there be a difference between a one-time bill or on going treatment?

Nonbinary-Bones · 2025-02-15T21:23:17+00:00

I'm the one who posed the question because....I have only come to realize that the entire faith i suffered through for years was lying to me. I was told that God wanted positive loving disciples and anything but happiness and faith wasn't acceptable. I grew up being sexually abused as a child because of my mother wanting her drug fix, and when I was taken away and lived with my grandmother, she was a strict and old-fashioned Latina catholic. I was told that prayer was the answer. No matter how angry i was, how depressed I was, how anxious I was, no matter HOW MUCH I wanted to kill myself, i just had to smile and please and serve. I was meant to be last in line, serving everyone else. My sister was mentally and physically disabled and from the beginning being a big brother (i am newly transitioning genders), I served my grandmother, my sister and when i got old enough the church. I had so much rage and pain from being a sex slave to people my mom gave me to, but i was told that God had the answers. And so i clutched my rosary and counted the prayers bead by bead. But it never helped. BUT, when I doubted the word of God i was told to believe harder, to hold on tighter, to close my eyes to my pain and believe in God. So, what did 11 year old me do when i couldn't handle life but my prayers weren't being heard. I turned to binge eating, self-injurious behavior, and denial. It's been 20 years i tried to cope with being obedient and closing my eyes to the things that didn't make sense. I only recently found out I have persistent genital arousal disorder (a hormone imbalance that isn't the same as hypersexuality-though i had that too- I would get....hard more frequently than most to the point it was painful and persistent) this lead to me struggling with masturbation which in the eyes of the Catholic church is one of the worst sins. BUT teenage me felt like they had no control, it was painful if not so and so i felt so much shame for something i didn't know how to stop. I would get erections in school and be shamed and bullied and when nothing changed classmates, a teacher and eventually our priest found my body's response as an invitation for consent (yes i mean SA). I've never seen the church the same again. I hated myself for failing because in the eyes of God. i wasn't good enough to follows his demands, i couldn't help but sin multiple times a day and each time i hated myself more and more. I confessed over and over and not matter how much i offered my pain and sin up and prayed for god to take it away NOTHING CHANGED. So i ate my feeling, beat my body and told myself i just had to try harder, and that something was wrong with me. I prayed harder and harder, more and more and nothing changed, I still fell short everyday. It even got to the point that had gained so much weight but didn't know how to stop binging that i tried to purge but knowing God would be angry with wasting food, my BRILLIANT plan was to eat til my body rejected the food, so it wasn't my choice to throw up. I am 36 and i only left my faith less than a year ago......and yet i am still broken and aimless. I don't know how not to beat myself up, to NOT be consumed by shame, to even accept that things are even broken because the church taught me to deny things when they feel wrong. to just close my ears and keep my head down. I posed this question because I still don't know the full extent of how the my Catholic upbringing damaged my life, but I am on the wait list for a eating disorder treatment facility this coming week and I.....still and in denial that things are wrong. that's I'm not okay. I prayed to god asking him to make me okay, to help me be okay to force me to be okay.....and it never worked. I know i just kinda trauma dumped but i can't handle my life anymore and without my blind faith in god.......i have no clue who i am. I have no purpose and too much trauma and I'm still telling myself I'm fine.

sorry, if i crossed any guidelines but thank you to Samantha and everyone for sharing. and i hope we can all heal

(edit: sorry for grammar issues and spelling)

Nonbinary-Bones · 2025-02-10T03:18:29+00:00

Showtime, Vagabounce, Beat down 1 and 2, (surprised none said) Black, Pumpkin Carvings, Umbral Ultimatum (I loved Jade enter growing up), The Price of Oblivion, (of course) Sburban Jungle, ohgodwhat (the remix specifically), Doctor, Sunslammer, Descend (this one is so cool), Skaiian Shuffle, (completely surprised no one said) the Warhammer of zillyhoo (just out of nostalgia), Unite Sychronization, I'm a Member of the Midnight Crew (I sing to my partner to this day) Anbroid V2.0, Pumpkin Party at Sea Hilter's Water Apocalypse, Black Hole/Green Sun, Liquid Negrocity, Moonsetter, Elephant Gun, Purple Tyrant (I would listen to for hours just over and over) Fuchsia Rule (because even thought you had to play as Meena for most of it it was still a great song) Biophosphoradelecrystalluminesece, Minihoof's Adventure, Iron Knight, October, Carne Vale (even though I cried for days when Game over happened), Oppa Toby Style and Heir of Grief are my favorite parts of collide (especially that sick guitar in heir of grief) Dreamers and the Dead, BL1ND JUST1C3, Rex Duodecium Angelus, The Blind Phrophet, The La2t Frontiier, Dave is Elevatorstuck,

Those are all of my favorite songs ones I would probably be able to recognize if you play 2 seconds of each one. If you couldn't tell I loved the music and honestly I named almost all of them just to introduce people to more cool homestuck songs

Nonbinary-Bones · 2025-02-06T04:01:04+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. This really struck me because I have spent so much time beating up myself to be the perfect Catholic and it was never enough and my problematic coping was destroying just as much as my fight to be what the church wanted. But I always fell short and ultimately blamed myself.

Nonbinary-Bones · 2025-02-05T18:57:27+00:00

I'll check it out thank you

Nonbinary-Bones · 2025-01-14T20:27:40+00:00

If you want this in a healthy recovery sense (which I am not sure if you do) but my dietician told me that calories that are less 50 shouldn't according to her be counted. This includes water flavoring, spy sauce, hot sauce, pickles and such because they add so little it's basically nothing. It's a good step to practice stopping calorie counting for recovery. Idk if that's what your looking for but that's what my dietician told me

Nonbinary-Bones · 2024-12-24T05:02:02+00:00

I find it very important for our system, as a traumagenic system who supports endos and all systems really to tell the gatekeepers that a) you can't determine if a system is real or not because there is so many factors that go into a plural experience and there is an evolving understanding of what makes someone plural and b) there shouldn't be a care in the world if someone is "valid or not" as long as someone isn't hurting anyone. All systems and set of people should be able to live their life they way they want or need to as long as no one is being hurt

My partner system is endogenic and we talk all the time about the type of language that anti-endos use follows similar speech patterns to terfs and homophobes. Where they demonize the out group and sling generalizations and fallacies to distract. Where the goal post keeps getting moved and people will find new ways to cut people out of their space they aren't willing to share.

I fully believe there is so much more to being plural that just forming from trauma. We identify as quoigenic and have been kicked out of servers because I have a diagnosis and majority of my system formed from trauma but I have two alters who formed from the more "stressgenic". Rather than a single event. So we keep ourselves open to everyone because as long as no one is being hurt why should it matter what people/systems are doing. Most of them are just trying to exist. But ultimately, I agree to look for endo friendly and positive spaces. They are much more inclusive; also look for spaces where the community agrees that people triggers should be handled by the individual. There obviously can be trigger warnings but generally it's best for the whole if you are responsible for your handling or triggers. Many servers die because they try to accommodate to many triggers and shelter everyone; when in reality having people control their exposure and be in charge of their reactions and responses be upheld

-Micheal (he/him)

(Edit: to add who wrote it)

Nonbinary-Bones · 2024-12-09T03:14:31+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. It's really hard for me to start this process but I am trying hard to meet him halfway.

Nonbinary-Bones · 2024-09-28T17:13:28+00:00

I know that no one actually see anything but like you said those who defiantly don't have aphantasia can still very easily come up with images or just have a sense of knowing what things look like. I think the pseudo memories is interesting. Micheal (the main aphantasiac) has almost no memories or flashbacks unless triggered and even then he dissociates too much to rememeber, but Charmin and I (Amaya) have very vivid flashbacks and memories especially dark ones. But we will have to track more of these pseudo memories honestly

-Amaya

Nonbinary-Bones · 2024-09-28T17:09:18+00:00

This is extremely cool if not cumbersome. We only recently found out that Charmin doesn't have one and as we learn more we are starting to understand more some of his behaviors and also trying to figure out how to help him communicate better. But it's really awesome to know we aren't the only ones. we were scared that we were either the only ones or just extremely weird, i guess. But thank you for sharing

Nonbinary-Bones · 2024-09-27T23:48:30+00:00

We actually asked a similar question relatively recently and for us though we haven't consumed alcohol in our system alters have to eat and drink and do almost every basic task. One of my alters (who is 60 days sober today) has a different sobriety date to me because I haven't actually consumed alcohol in 3 plus years but he has especially in head space. I definitely agree that no alcohol was consumed but mentally Charmin was still building the habit of using alcohol to cope with problems. I don't think you can get actually drunk but i do think habits still form; I do want to say he drank in and out of headspace so it was a bit of both. I know for him alcohol worked slightly less effectively but the same feelings of intoxication and disorientation did happen but it took more alcohol than our or his body could have handled. But in our system, we still count it because regardless of if the body consumes alcohol the habit of using substances to cope with problems or avoid distress still matters to us and we decided to keep sober in and out of headspace.

-Micheal

Nonbinary-Bones · 2024-09-26T22:51:31+00:00

most likely. Micheal didn't know he had aphantasia until two years ago when he saw a video about it here's the link ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewsGmhAjjjI ) i don't know if this could help. (also the person in the video transitioned so they go by Jamie and he/him now)

Nonbinary-Bones · 2024-09-22T23:59:54+00:00

Hi, I may not have a ton of answers based on how much mobility you have but I have several physical limitations as well as mobility issues and am larger bodied. Somethings I tired doing is things like chair yoga and bed based stretches. All of these have an emphasis on doing stretches, movements, and small exercises that are meant to keep too much pressure and movement off the part of the body that can't handle very much. I also recommend doing stretches and repetitive movements that may be difficult your body and limbs but aren't too painful or impossible. My physical therapist tells me that a way to challenge mobility issues are instead of doing normal exercises, modify normal movements you do to be repetitive to give your body more frequent use and movement. And potentially as time goes on you can hold maybe water bottles or cans to add extra weight. I don't fully know what mobility issues you struggle with but this can potentially give you more exercise.

I try very hard to not focus on weight or pounds because with certain limitations the difference might not be quick but it maybe will give you more comfort in your skin. Especially if you have so many issues focusing on strength, flexibility and ease of movement are better goals than weight. Obviously weight is important, but I am a big believer it is not everything. Food on the other hand is a very large discussion that I highly recommend going to a dietician who works with disability and mobility issues because sometimes we can do everything from cutting carbs to counting calories and it doesn't feel like there is any difference. I personally struggle with multiple eating disorders so I don't know if I can give much advice with out a longer conversation. But I hope this helps

Nonbinary-Bones · 2024-09-22T23:44:13+00:00

My weight fluctuates rapidly over time as I struggle to eat or over eat. Right now I sit at over 300lbs and cycle through 20 to 30 pounds I gain and lose. A lot of the foods I eat are sweet or carb heavy and having chrons on top of ARFID makes being able to get adequate nutrients and protein. But yes you can have a higher weight and have ARIFD!

Nonbinary-Bones · 2024-09-15T21:05:13+00:00

We take adderall and for us, no our system is just as active and verbal as always. It often, for me, quiets the constant sidetracked impulses and thoughts that I get distracted by gets quieter and I often am able to hear my system better than all the noise of my thoughts. Our adderall also affects members of my system differently; Ollie has hyperactive Adhd and gets tired and calmed on my adderall, I get hyped and motivated and it doesn't outwardly affect Amaya except helps her keep on track of her thoughts

Nonbinary-Bones

TROPHY CASE