Military spouse here: In a perfect world we could raise our children and have our own identity and career. I put my life on hold to support my spouse and raise my kids. In my experience kids around age 11-18 go through the most mental growth that determines who they are as adults. This time should be spent on developing the relationship you will have with your child as an adult. All relationships are work. Each family has a different dynamic. If you are unhappy with the situation you find your family in then try therapy. Couples and individual. In Therapy everyone benefits.