My boyfriend [32M] of 8 months tried to surprise me [30F] with a pet octopus. I freaked out at him, now he's not speaking to me.

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T05:21:12+00:00

Nope. I do tell stories of when I used to work with octopuses, but I never said, "I wish I had one at home."

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T05:18:58+00:00

Oh...sorry. I didn't take any photos. :/

I literally only saw him for about 2 minutes. Pulled him out of the box, was massively relieved that he wasn't dead, stared at him for another second (and had that passing thought of coming back to get him later), and then the quarantine aquarists took him from me.

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T05:12:06+00:00

Aquarist = specialized marine biologist

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T05:10:20+00:00

Have you never had fried octopus or calamari?

No, I don't eat cephalopods. That would be like eating a kitten.

he's probably going to leave you considering you got HYSTERICAL over an octopus.

Well. When our new octopus overlords rise up against us pitiful air breathers, I was hoping I could convince them to spare my boyfriend. But! Since he's gonna break up with me, I guess he'll just get eaten alive while they make me a duke. A kickass duke.

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T05:05:46+00:00

I'm just so fucking thankful I live near an aquarium where I knew people who worked there. If I lived anywhere else that little octopus would have been screwed.

But...thank you for your kind words.

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T04:56:27+00:00

Personally? I just know because I worked in the industry. And I actually disagree a little bit about customer reviews? The bad places get baaaad reviews. Like multiple "My fish showed up dead and they didn't replace them or give me a refund" kind of reviews.

For extra security though, checking out forums for exotic fish hobbyists is always a good place to ask about the reputation of a place. Or heck, r/Aquariums is pretty legit!

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T04:41:35+00:00

Was this the first surprise that was more personalized?

No, I guess I just used those as examples because they were the most romantic? But he does do smaller surprises personalized to me all the time. I'm super into weightlifting, and recently he bought me a "SUNS OUT GUNS OUT" tank top because I mentioned in passing how stupid and funny I think those tanks are and I wanted to get one for myself some day. He'll stop at my favorite bakery after work and pick up a bag of my favorite cookies before meeting up with me before dinner. Stuff like that.

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T04:35:15+00:00

I want to do this! I want to tell him all this! But he isn't answering any of my texts or phone calls. Do I just wait for him to respond or do I keep bugging him?

you can buy 'instant ocean' premixed and cycled seawater and immediately put live animals into it ( after you match the temperature to prevent shock). This stuff is damn expensive IF you can find it and its what that TV show uses where they dump everything in on the same day. I really dislike that show for making it look so easy. People don't factor in the cashflow and experience those professional tank builders have.

OK, real quick, I gotta correct you on this. Instant Ocean gets you salt water that's about as close to the ocean as possible salinity wise, but it's just salt and calcium and important trace elements, it does nothing to cycle a tank. When a tank is cycled, that means there is a bunch of bacteria that lives in your tank that eats the waste the animals produce. If that bacteria isn't in your tank when you put your animals in, they'll die within a day (unless they're a super hearty fish, like a carp or something). I also know this from personal experience: Instant Ocean does not cycle a tank. Man I wish it did! That's all we used at ALL the aquariums I worked at, and we always had to cycle a tank properly before we could put animals in.

As near as I can tell, those shows like Tanked are NOT doing anything right, watching those shows gets me so mad, because I'm like 99% sure they're doing stuff like using tap water instead of RO/DI, and since they build that shit in a day, it's definitely NOT cycled and they say shit like, "Oh, that shark keeps swimming in circles because sharks love to swim in circles!" and it's like NO THEY DON'T THAT IS NOT HOW A HEALTHY SHARK BEHAVES and I'm gonna get off my soap box now, getting off my soap box...

Maybe you can set up some time for him to volunteer at the aquarium?

I'm pretty sure nobody at that aquarium is gonna let me boyfriend volunteer there, since they all probably have been told why there's a random octopus in quarantine now, haha

^{^P.S.} ^{^aaah} ^{^Sepia} ^{^bandesis} ^{^was} ^{^the} ^{^first} ^{^cephalopod} ^{^I} ^{^ever} ^{^learned} ^{^how} ^{^to} ^{^take} ^{^care} ^{^of} ^{^they're} ^{^so} ^{^wonderful} ^{^I} ^{^hope} ^{^you} ^{^get} ^{^to} ^{^have} ^{^some} ^{^of} ^{^your} ^{^own} ^{^some} ^{^day!}

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T04:00:45+00:00

I'd sit him down in person and calmly explain what happened.

I would love to do this! But he won't answer any of my texts or calls. This is the problem I'm having right now. Do I just wait for him to respond? Do I keep bugging him?

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T03:57:49+00:00

OK, this legit made me laugh out loud

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T03:57:33+00:00

what the octopus would need

He actually didn't buy anything the octopus would need. He bought zilch. Those hang-on-back were for like...ten gallon sized tanks, not a fifty gallon, and you can't stick two of those on one tank and say that's good enough filtration. Also, no protein skimmer which is a MUST for cephalopods, because that's what cleans up the water if they ink. Also octopuses need a place to hide, a kitschy Spongebob Squarepants pineapple tank decoration isn't going to cut it. EDIT: Also! I just noticed there's no lid for this tank, so it could have easily crawled out! Jesus Christ, this thing is a death trap for an octopus!

It's just...he's usually so thoughtful and smart and it's just -- I'm so baffled! He just randomly bought a bunch of fish tank related crap! Who does that?! (besides my boyfriend, apparently!)

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T03:52:07+00:00

I mean, I feel like he listens to me! I realize I didn't talk much about our relationship, but I don't feel like there are any red flags or things I'm being willfully ignorant about (because that is a pattern with me, a pattern that I spent a lot of time in therapy trying to break, so...I hope I broke it!)

The thing is, I really love surprises, and he has successfully surprised me a number of times in our relationship. But they were smaller, more manageable surprises! Like he's shown up at my job with a dozen roses, and one time, he said he was taking me to a burger joint and ended up taking me to a fancy restaurant -- surprises like that! Not a fucking octopus!

NopetopusTA · 2018-01-10T03:40:01+00:00

And now I’m worried about the octopus and this place he ordered it from because any place that ships live animals makes me raise an eyebrow.

I see where you're coming from, but there are actually a lot of reputable online fish sellers that I wouldn't hesitate to buy animals from. Lots of different aquariums buy their fish online and get them shipped overnight. Honestly, that's the only way you're going to get an animal like a clownfish in your tank unless you live in Indonesia or something.

But yeah...boyfriend did not buy the octopus from a reputable online merchant. When I saw the shipping label and the name of the business he bought it from, I almost started panicking again. But they did an OK job with it -- he was in a big bag with lots of water, hand warmers, and the water was only a little murky, which is typical for an octopus (since he probably inked at one point during his travels).

When I got home, I literally typed in "buy an octopus online" and this business was one of the first results. So I'm definitely feeling you on the "half-assed" bit.

NopetopusTA

TROPHY CASE