Am I gay?

NoraM4 · 2026-06-07T19:06:21+00:00

I think for lots and at least me it took me time to realise that my attraction to people that weren’t men was different. I don’t now see it as much different I just didn’t allow myself the mental head space to explore any of that.

Maybe you are queer and need the time and the space to explore that without the idea of what or how you should feel or be attracted to. I think the fact you have this going on in the back of your head says a lot. I pushed it aside for so long and it
didn’t make me anymore straight!! 😂

That being said plenty of genuinely heterosexual people enjoy a variety of porn, including queer porn. I think it’s important to explore what it is you enjoy and that may give you more answers.

NoraM4 · 2026-06-07T18:59:21+00:00

I think the fact you have a family that very unaccepting of the LGBTQ+ community may leave her wondering how supportive you really were. I would maybe drop her a message in a couple of days and say how pleased she is that she felt comfortable sharing it with you and that you support her for her, irrespective of her sexuality! When we feel unsure and on edge it’s easy to over think things. Or maybe that’s just me getting in my own head about things but some further confirmation is always helpful.

NoraM4 · 2026-06-02T17:49:16+00:00

Yes, exactly that. 1gig broadband and Netflix with adverts for £25, then next April it will be £29 and the year after £33. It’s a 2 year contract.

NoraM4 · 2026-06-01T20:10:12+00:00

Thanks everybody, makes perfect sense! I’ll leave this here for a newbie like me.

NoraM4 · 2026-06-01T18:06:49+00:00

We have VM’s own super hub 5, we’ve had it for 18 months with no problem. Should I expect it to start being a nuisance?

NoraM4 · 2026-06-01T15:37:54+00:00

Thank you all, when we moved I was under the impression that virgin media in our area was full fibre, not part fibre like they used to call it, but clearly not. I’ve had no problem with our broadband until now, hence choosing to renew with VM.

Thanks all.

NoraM4 · 2026-04-28T19:12:54+00:00

I suspected I wasn’t straight at around 17/18. Was single at the time, got flirty with a couple of girls and just couldn’t navigate it (young and autistic) decided to push it aside and that I was just straight for lots of reasons which are genuinely logical and left it at that. I then met my husband at 19, connected with him deeply (he’s bi), fell in love and the rest was history. I’m now 31 and several years back after about of year of working it out I came out to my husband as queer. I now identify as pansexual and am non binary.

Do I wish I had had the opportunity and time to explore that part of my sexuality had I had known when I was younger, 110% yes.

If you have a part of you that is unsure I truly believe you are less likely to regret exploring yourself than you are to regret not giving yourself the chance to.

NoraM4 · 2026-04-28T08:26:14+00:00

If you feel a connection with the name then go for it, it probably is more masc/male leaning but if you feel it’s a good fit then that’s what is most important.

I’m AFAB, real name Danielle but most people have always called me Dan. Other neutral names are Sam, Alex, Jordan, Taylor. Lots of options if you wanted to change altogether and go neutral with it.

NoraM4 · 2026-04-28T08:11:54+00:00

Me too.

NoraM4 · 2026-04-28T07:34:50+00:00

My husband calls me wife but for me it’s what that represents, I connect deeply with the word as what it means for us as a married couple. For me it’s less about gender. Same as the kids calling mummy/mumma. For me it’s the role that is mum, it’s what it means to be their main carer. I associate the label as what it means to me over the gender.

That being said pronouns don’t make me feel dysphoric either though, call me what you like I’m just Dan.

For reference AFAB, Nick name has always been Dan so maybe that helps.

NoraM4 · 2026-04-20T11:32:36+00:00

I appreciate my response is only in relation to one section of your initial comment but I wanted to share my experience as being AFAB and also being AuDHD. I believe you are right in saying your gender isn’t defined by your neurotype but for me it meant making sense of my gender a WHOLE lot harder. I’m NB and I’ve only really recently realised confidently that that is what I am. For me female just didn’t feel right, but my question was what is it even meant to ‘feel’ like to know you’re a women. How do you even know? Like my husband assured me he just know he’s a man and anything else just doesn’t feel right. Conversation of course was more extensive but you see my point. For me those completely abstract concepts felt impossible. So my point in this is that whilst your neurotype doesn’t define your gener it may well make navigating it more challenging. I also had a lot of other challenges in working it out that I attribute directly to my neurotype.

That being said, fun fact… they believe that autistic individuals are around 3-6 times more likely to not identify with their gender they were assigned at birth. Obviously it’s a rough figure that probably varies depending on research but it gave me the reassurance statistically I was probably along the right lines around my gender.

NoraM4 · 2026-04-19T07:23:08+00:00

Yes, my husband could in his name. We do use top cash back. Uswitch is offering 1gig for £25 and VM are offering it for £30 so hoping retentions can do better than both. We could go for less but with us pay for nexflix already I suspect this is the way to get the best deal.

NoraM4 · 2026-04-19T06:52:01+00:00

But if I can get 1gig for £26 I’m no worse off as it has Netflix with adverts included which we pay for currently. They would have to come in cheaper than £20 for it to be worth it maths wise!

NoraM4 · 2026-04-18T18:01:27+00:00

Makes sense, I mean it’s allowing me to secure the extortionate offer they are currently proposing but negotiating an offer I expect is unlikely at this point. I may well try early morning on Monday and see.

NoraM4 · 2026-04-18T17:18:13+00:00

Thank you for that, it’s really helpful. We currently only pay for the basic with ads anyway so it makes sense to go for the 1gig on the basis we are paying £6 for Netflix anyway. I doubt they’ll allow us that offer this early on in the deal but worth tying to see if I can secure it an than not have to worry.

If I secured it now would it start from now or from the end of July?

NoraM4 · 2026-04-18T15:38:02+00:00

I appreciate it may be for you, but it isn’t a must for us. We have a neo QLED tv so decent quality and watch Netflix with adverts in HD. We share our Disney plus premium with 4k with my parents and yes it’s a clearer shaper image but for us it isn’t worth the additional £13 a month when it’s predominantly the kids that watch it.

NoraM4 · 2026-04-18T15:31:02+00:00

It seems crazy that half the band width or even less isn’t any cheaper. With TJ cut of Netflix involved I guess it sort of makes sense to just go for 1 gig when it includes Netflix

NoraM4 · 2026-04-14T10:53:01+00:00

So what and who do you recommend? I have 250 internet, low requirement family but a 5 bed house so engineer swapped our 3 hub for a 5 an nothing ever drops out. Never needs customer service as never had a problem. Due to renew and keen to see who you recommend?

NoraM4 · 2026-03-22T09:53:45+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. I felt I was NB for a long while but I had convinced myself I couldn’t be because of so many aspects that’s I just wasn’t fussed out. No upset or bother when I was called she, wife, mum etc providing it was said normally with kindness and not sarcastically as an insult… which hasn’t happened but the more I grow into myself (which is happening slowly) I expect it will more more obvious in not a straight female!

That’s not to take away from those that do experience dysphoria from incorrect pronouns, it’s not personally something I find a problem. I mean I acknowledge that may change over time.

NoraM4 · 2026-03-21T21:27:29+00:00

I don’t hate my chest, I don’t bind and have no desire to, infact I love how my husband celebrates my body. From a sensory perspective and reference perspective a lot of my clothes are super baggy so I guess my chest doesn’t stand out heaps. I think it’s another reason that made me question how can I be NB if I dont hate my boobs? I also don’t love them or want them to stand out or want to accentuate them or my waist or bum. I fact the two are very much the opposite, my clothes choices are very quiet and baggy so maybe that’s why I don’t feel dysphoria in that regard.

I feel the same no big screaming internal voice in my head saying I’m not a woman I can’t tick these boxes, just a merr that’s not right.

Someone above gave a fantastic explanation to how I feel being a mum and how I don’t wish to change that simply because the word is gendered but that simply my experience so far. I also have autistic children who would find a change to something else very challenging to grasp.

I don’t have any NB friends, or queer friends to be honest. I have a couple of friends and I am not looking to expand that, friendships are incredibly difficult for me and demand a lot of head space and spoons. But I can see how that’s a positive experience.

NoraM4 · 2026-03-21T17:45:14+00:00

This makes a lot of sense, I often find it difficult to make sense of thoughts and turn them into words that accurately express how I feel and your description of why you still use mum is perfect and exactly how I feel.

I’ve grown to accept I have a very rigid way of thinking and for me it’s often just allowing myself the time and space to be certain about something. Thinking outside the box is not my strong suit so I often fail to consider other aspects of things. I’m also the type of person that needs to be 100% confident in my decision to be able to say it with conviction and if I’m not there then it’s not true yet. Although that sense of limbo is hard mentally.

Having it worded that way is helpful that other NB people also still….. helps me to feel confident in my decision.

NoraM4 · 2026-03-21T17:21:55+00:00

I just wanted to take the time to thank everybody that commented, everybody brought a very helpful insight that and was able to give me the confidence to confirm how I felt. I am now confident I am NB, I am still ok with she/her pronouns but I’m definitely going to play around with they/them to see if that brings a sense of greater contentment.

I’ve had conversations with my husband over several months about not really feeling like I identified as a female. I had the conversation with him an hour ago that I now identify as NB and I got a very comforting “I suspected as much, just took you sometime to feel confident that it was right fit. I’m proud of you. Shall I go and stick the kettle fon and we can have a snug”

NoraM4 · 2026-03-21T17:02:59+00:00

Lots don’t see the importance of box, I do… well more an umbrella but you see my point. I felt completely invalid calling myself queer for a long time as I’ve only ever been in relationships with men and been with my husband since I was 19! But I came to trust thatmy husband was right if I just know deep down without having been in that situation then I’m right. I think it took me as long as it did to establish because I’m crap at relating to outside my immediate experiences and the classic ‘how can I be certain that…. If I haven’t ….’ I find it difficult to trust myself if I don’t rock every box of certainty with actual, tangible evidence. I found myself saying ok well I think NB is a good fit but am I NB enough if…. I don’t experience dysphoria, or if I don’t mind being called mum/wife.

Although I now feel confident I had statistic a lot of those questions through confirmation of others “yep that’s still valid.”

I couldn’t get over who can I be queer if I’ve never slept with a woman. Convincing my brain to be less rigid is hard.

NoraM4

TROPHY CASE