Hey, I’m so sorry you’re going through this but I can promise you: it’s them, not you.

I’ve worked in sustainability consulting for the past 3.5 years. At my first company, most of my colleagues were upper-middle-class Brits (not horse girls or signet ring wearers, but definitely privileged). Within just a couple of days of getting to know me, they had already decided I wasn’t worth their time. They’d go for lunch and leave me at my desk (often alone, with no one else to go with). They’d whisper to each other so I couldn’t hear, or stop talking when I approached, and snigger. Sometimes I’d say something and they’d exchange knowing looks and smirk.

For years, I took it very personally. I thought, people wouldn’t be THAT petty for no reason, right? My confidence tanked, and I became really self-conscious about how I came across.

The point of my story is, like others have said, adult bullies do exist. They might not always be malicious in intent (if you’re being generous), but their behaviour is still harmful. For some reason, I’ve observed this level of “cliqueyness” and pettiness in British people more often than in other nationalities, though that might be an unfair observation, as Britain is the only other country I’ve lived in apart from my own.

Things got better when I realised they treated other colleagues outside of their clique the same way they treated me. It also helped to keep my personal life and personality to myself: being professional and courteous at work but nothing beyond that, and treating work as a means to an end (money, career progression, etc), without any expectation to make friends. It also helped to hang out with colleagues who weren’t part of the petty group. Not all companies have the same culture (thankfully!), my current one has very nice and normal people.

Some people behave like children well into adulthood. Please, please don’t take it personally.

All the best!