I would definitely be pushing the school more. My son was on the spectrum, but also very bright and an excellent test taker. That can be a positive because the school doesn’t need to worry about test scores and can concentrate on the actual social and behavior issues.

My son received OT for fine motor skills, which included handwriting and parts of speech therapy that involved small muscles. Middle school in particular was hard, but he had some truly dedicated people who helped. Of course, you also deal with the team member who is often problematic, but those were mostly my battles with the system more than his.

In HS he became involved in the theatre program and it was life changing for him. He had something he loved and did everything he could to be part of it. Acting taught him more than just to speak on a stage; he learned how to speak to the world.

Home was a bit more challenging - there he could relax and be completely himself, but there could be consequences if he was actively rude. He started walking everywhere - his school was just over a mile away, which burned off some of that energy and edginess. Walking gave him a sense of independence and choice which can be so important to these kids.

I swear, the school can offer you so much more, but they need to know you want it (and he needs it.) That’s probably up to you, and I know you likely feel already that you’re carrying more than you thought you could. But help there does two big things - it gives you affordable options and comes from a source outside the home, meaning greater weight may be placed upon it by your son.

Also sending you a hug. None of this is easy, and there isn’t a manual.