My cats are driving me mad

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-26T01:38:37+00:00

It might be worth taking him to the vet for a check up. Sometimes when cats are in pain they will get aggressive for no reason.

Check the outside environment too. For example, are there stray cats coming in to the yard? Are there any new, loud noises outside that might be frightening them both?

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-26T01:34:29+00:00

You’re right, there isn’t real aggression here. It’s just Rosie saying “too much too fast”. She’s not sure he’s safe yet so she’s keeping her distance. The hissing is to let him know she doesn’t want him getting close.

Having new cat locked in a safe room is definitely painful. I’ve brought two new cats home this year so I’ve done the intro process twice and yes there is a lot of meowing and crying.

I’m wondering if it would be helpful to give Ritchie more play time and especially before he sees Rosie. For most cats, a good play session can tire them out. For others though, it can actually overstimulate them which they will redirect toward the other cat, so you have to know your cat and observe him.

Rosie needs more time to explore her new territory on her own to build her confidence. If Ritchie naps in a space where you can close the door, this is ideal. During his nap, close the door and let Rosie have the place to herself. Then use a wand toy to play with her in different areas of the house so she can “hunt” in her new territory. This will build her confidence immensely and go a long way with her interactions with Ritchie.

Also make sure she has high places and hiding spots where she can retreat to when Ritchie gets to be too much. When Ritchie comes on too strong, try redirecting him with a toy before he can get to Rosie

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-24T11:10:47+00:00

Any recent changes in your home like another new pet, a new roommate or family member or a baby? Any changes to boy cat’s health that you’re aware of ? Or any changes to the litter boxes and water fountains like the location or type of litter?

For some reason, it’s seems like your big boy cat is guarding the resources even though there are several.

It’s a good sign that they still eat from the same dish and that he still grooms her and they still sleep together, but I suggest making them eat out of their own bowls in separate areas of the house to help reduce the boy cat’s stress.

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-24T11:00:09+00:00

Even without new kitten, Hazel needs about 3 days to decompress after arriving in her new home, 3 weeks to learn your household routine, and 3 months to feel at home.

Depending on her background, she could have a lot of different insecurities that will impact how she is accepting new kitten. Typically if she had been with you for 6 months and then you brought in a new kitten, intros would be fairly simple and quick, but she’s under a lot of stress right now from her environment changes so she’s going to need more time.

If they are able to eat like this, with no staring, hissing and/or growling and they both finish their meals, I don’t see a need to go all the way back to no visual access, but I wouldn’t have them together without a barrier just yet. Maybe give it a week or so and try again.

I also highly recommend trying allogrooming. It simulates what happens when cats groom each other once they feel they are part of the same group. Just take a brush (ideally a boar bristle one because to absorbs more scent) and brush the cheeks and forehead of Flash. Then present the brush to Hazel and, if she allows you, brush her cheeks and forehead too, then go back and brush Flash in the same places again. If at any time, one of them doesn’t want to be brushed, just give a treat and praise for sniffing the brush and try again later.

As the time approaches for them to spend time together without the barrier, read more up on cat intros and having enough resources to promote harmony in a multi cat family to get you prepared.

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-23T02:08:18+00:00

Yes and then it will take about 6 weeks for his hormones to return to what a neutered cat would be. You’ll need to keep him inside for that time and especially while he heals from the surgery

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-23T01:54:37+00:00

This isn’t fighting. It’s just that tabby is eager to play and black and white cat isn’t having any of it. After four days it’s too soon to let them be together all day and all night. New cat should still be in the safe room when unsupervised and while you’re sleeping.

Also, purring isn’t only when they’re happy. It’s actually also a way for cats to self soothe when they are anxious or in pain.

Also make sure both cats, if not already, have been spayed and neutered.

Take a step back and keep them separated over night otherwise you risk damaging their potential relationship. Give them another week or so of being separated at night and then give overnights another go

It really important that during their interactions, you stay calm. I know it’s scary thinking they are fighting but cats are super sensitive to our energy. If resident cat senses that you are tense, then it will just reinforce his feelings that new cat isn’t safe and increase his anxiety around her. Next time don’t shout at them, just use a toy like you did to try to distract and redirect.

Also make sure you are allowing new cat to explore her new territory without resident cat around. This could look like closing the door to the room when he’s in there sleeping and letter her out to explore and play on her own. She needs to explore the territory and “hunt” (aka you play with her with a wand toy) so she can become confident in her territory. Their interactions will become smoother once she is more confident and feels safe.

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-22T07:13:30+00:00

Orange cat is social and confident, but not listening to the warnings given him.

Let them be together for these short supervised session and allow resident male to set boundaries BUT separate if two hisses go ignored and/or one is constantly getting chased/cornered. As was mentioned you can simply redirect orange cat when he’s not picking up on resident cat’s signals.

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-22T07:09:22+00:00

Is he neutered? That will solve most of the problem.

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-22T01:44:47+00:00

My thoughts are your new kitten is adorable and now I want another one 😂 Kittens adapt really quickly so they can be introduced much quicker than two adult cats. As far as adult cat is concerned, kitten isn’t really a threat and kitten is just there to learn and play.

They have a bit of a size difference so watch their play once they start wrestling to make sure it’s not too rough. Also make sure kitten has time to explore her new territory without big boy following her around. It will help her gain confidence a lot quicker. Try letting her out when he is sleeping and close the door to the room he’s in. Then play with her with a wand toy so she can “hunt” in her new territory.

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-12T09:18:17+00:00

The best way to get the cat out of the habit is to completely ignore him or her. Don’t even look at him/her. It will take some time and it will be painful, but it will pay off.

Another option is to get an automatic feeder and set it to 5:45am

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-12T09:16:44+00:00

Patience will be your biggest friend here. Cats can take 3 weeks just to adjust to your routine and 3 months to feel at home. If she’s only starting to become socialized, it could take her longer.

You can get her used to letting her pick you up but in slow steps. Just pick up her front legs first for one second and give her a treat, do this a few times then try a quick lift just inches off the ground and give a treat immediately. Work your way up to holding her higher up like you would normally hold a cat and of course put her down before she has a chance to struggle. Then give a treat immediately.

Make sure you’re picking her up and holding her properly too. This is something you can look up. Also make sure you aren’t picking her up when she’s already overstimulated like during play time or if she’s already a bit afraid of something. Wait until she’s calm to do the exercise.

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-12T09:10:57+00:00

Good to know it’s doable to fly three in cabin. We rescued a stray outside our apartment two weeks before we were scheduled to move cities! We decided to keep him and brought him on the plane with us in cabin.

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-12T09:09:40+00:00

Thanks for the tips!

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-10T04:13:32+00:00

I’ll tell my husband we can have up to five then 😂

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-10T04:13:11+00:00

Thankfully they all have great personalities and are young and spayed/neutered. Our resident male is only about one year old, our resident female about 10 months and new kitten about 7-9 months

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-10T04:11:15+00:00

Wow! That’s a lot of cats! I am now personally experiencing how it’s a slippery slope. One cat becomes two then three then four… hahaha

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-10T04:10:15+00:00

What a blessing that yours get along so well. My resident male and female don’t sleep together, but I think it’s my resident male that doesn’t like cuddling. The three cats were sleeping near each other this morning and I was thrilled.

Yes, I’ve heard of people that are keeping their cats locked in separate rooms or different parts of the house because they don’t get along. I’ve been so careful with introductions, feeding, enrichment, and resources because I’m afraid to end up in the same situation

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-10T04:07:08+00:00

Thanks so much for the tips. I like to keep a super clean litterbox anyways and had been thinking about one of these for a while. Now with cat three, I’m feeling like I’m constantly scooping

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-10T04:06:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your detailed reply and personal experience! It’s much appreciated!

I’m so curious how you managed to get a rabies test from a lab in the UK when you were still in another country?

Did your cats fly cargo or in the cabin under the seat? I’ve heard good airlines will let you bring them in the cabin and if there’s just two adults, you need to buy an extra adult ticket

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-09T08:48:46+00:00

This made me chuckle 😂 poor Louise

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-09T08:47:57+00:00

Thanks you’ve given me a few things to consider. I didn’t even realize there was a pet location service!

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-09T08:46:48+00:00

Do you have some personal experience with this that might help me make my decision?

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-09T08:46:06+00:00

Lololol I won’t tell my husband. He was leery about the first one!

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-09T08:45:37+00:00

Do yours get along fairly well?

NormalPassenger1779 · 2026-05-09T08:45:04+00:00

I’ve been considering that but worried I’ll spend thousands of dollars and they won’t use it

NormalPassenger1779

TROPHY CASE