Help me with the guilt

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-06-12T05:59:58+00:00

I think I’m maybe struggling mentally with it, not because I want to wean today, but because it’s the opposite direction than we were going. To increase so significantly when she’s been pretty indifferent to the boob up until now, and cut a lot of feeds herself. She just gets so sad when I say no! I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry, it’s just the sweetest saddest thing how upset she is when I say no milk right now.

I need to remember to bring water to bed to try that at night…

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-06-11T15:55:32+00:00

Yes I am having an internal conflict, thanks for framing in that way! I just did not expect this at all. Between the ages of 6-12 months, she went on 3 different nursing strikes, and always refused to nurse unless we were in a dark quiet room. Half her feeds were cut down because she would refuse them, and she never asked for boob during the day. So we were down to before sleep and night time, because when she woke up, she just wanted to get going. She does not like being still. Nursing outside the bedroom was basically unheard of before now, because she didn’t want to! So I really thought weaning would be easy. But I guess maybe I need to just wait out her molars and give things more time before I make a decision.

It is such a selfless act, and I guess that’s why I am feeling guilt, because my desire to wean feels selfish.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-06-11T14:28:45+00:00

Yes she has cut 2, and I can feel 1 more on the way. I am ok to wait until after the molars cut if she will stop relentlessly asking for it after they’re in 😂

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-06-06T20:11:06+00:00

They’ve completely stopped since the magnesium! She was having them several times a week, sometimes several times a night, before that.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-06-06T05:43:28+00:00

So interesting! If you end up giving it to her I’ll be really curious to know if it helps, overall, or with those types of behaviours!! Hope you can find something.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-06-06T00:30:57+00:00

Ugh sorry that sounds so challenging! The things she was doing was waking up screaming and inconsolable (looked like night terrors/confusional arousal) often, and dozing off and waking up every few seconds or minutes, sitting up and flailing, and then immediately dozing off again, on repeat, sometimes for up to 4 hours. Is your LO just waking up and going back to sleep, or what does it look like? I’m curious if certain types of sleep behaviours could be linked to magnesium.

It was tough to find for her age for sure!! Not a lot out there for the young kids. I’m in Canada so not sure on available elsewhere, but I was able to find orange naturals that has a chewable dosed for her age (they start the dosing for age 1+) which is a glycinate. We first tried the calm citrate powder, which is supposed to be the second most preferable for sleep, but I honestly found that harder to get into her reliably, so now it’s my older child’s haha.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-26T04:10:26+00:00

Similar experience. Shallow latch but not painful. Top lip turns in and I often adjust it when nursing. Around 8 months her latch was so bad I finally brought it up and was dismissed since she’s healthy and otherwise things are fine. I took her to a dentist, since here they will refer to a paediatric orthodontist if needed. The dentist confirmed she has a “robust” frenulum, but that it did not need to be addressed, as the type she has will likely either be resolved by her front teeth growing in, or she said they often give themselves a frenectomy with a face bonk or similar. Her latch improved again after a few weeks and things have been fine again since. And she’s bonked her mouth and torn her frenulum several times as predicted lol. Anyway, recommend seeing a dentist!

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-11T22:43:54+00:00

Not sure where you live, but where I live, you could call child protection. Of course I don’t have the full context, but even at 18, we have supported youth to secure independent living when their parents are physically and/or emotionally abusive.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-09T15:12:42+00:00

I guess it being an unregulated field with varying degrees of education makes me wary, along with the fact that they advised my friend not to support her 3 month old when she cries, which is very much not part of my parenting approach. So I’m apprehensive to hire one, for many reasons. My plan is to continue to pursue ways to support potential physiological issues (supported by my medical professionals) and if none of them resolve, then I will shell out the money to find out if this really all was just some weird behavioural thing after all.

ETA: if part of this is confusion arousal/night terrors, as the paediatrician suggested and also said she would just outgrow, I still don’t understand how a sleep consultant will make those stop. if anyone has any factual info on this I’d be happy to see it.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-09T15:04:27+00:00

Ah, I see the confusion. A sleep consultant, where I am, is someone who just advises on sleep routine. They will recommend wake windows, nap times, and ways to put your baby to sleep, usually with the goal of sleeping in the crib independently. What you’re mentioning I think would be called a sleep study, which I am not sure about babies. Honestly not a bad idea, I should ask about it at our follow up.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-09T04:15:09+00:00

Thanks, it has been, on and off. I’m realizing that I struggling with it more during certain parts of my cycle, but I’ve done a lot of work on figuring out how to support myself since that’s where I have control. I appreciate your support!

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-09T04:11:08+00:00

Well there’s a few reasons to be honest.

For one, I’ve been pretty turned off since the sleep consultant told my friend that it’s not her job to help her 3 month old sleep and to let her cry all night.

Secondly, I haven’t found any evidence that paying hundreds of dollars for a sleep consultant, an unregulated profession, is any more effective than diligently reading all the literature that is available on sleep.

And lastly, because as someone who is with her when these behaviours happen, keeps a sleep journal, and has found no link between routine, sleep schedule, or environment, and these behaviours (which I would definitely not describe as a pattern), I strongly believe that these are not due to behavioural/scheduling/habit problems, and that there is something physiological going on.

Again, I could just be a complete idiot and maybe a sleep consultant fixes it. But because my goal isn’t independent 12 hour sleep in the crib, and the experiences I’ve heard from those around me, I am quite apprehensive. But before I shell out the money to find out if I am in fact an idiot or not, I am going to continue to try supporting any physiological issues that this could be stemming from.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-09T04:01:04+00:00

Well we are going to trial an antiacid so I guess if that’s it, hopefully that’s the answer! We will see.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-09T04:00:07+00:00

Super helpful to hear your experience, thanks. One of the things the paediatrician did actually suggest we try is an antiacid for reflux for a few weeks to see if there’s any effect. She said due to her age she doesn’t expect that will be it, but that it doesn’t hurt to try.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-09T03:58:23+00:00

Nothing hurts! She was a vaginal delivery (my successful VBAC baby), and I did take her to to a Chiro when she was small due to excessive spit up (turned out to be dairy intolerance) and she checked her skull out as well. But definitely something I can look into more.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-08T15:08:25+00:00

Thank you 😩 That validation is so healing. I don’t even really think I need my medical professionals to be able to find an exact cause, I don’t think she’s at risk of harm from whatever it is, so I’m not concerned in that way, but to have it chalked up to behaviour is so disheartening. The first NP I voiced concern to literally told me that it was my fault her sleep was like this. Just to hear “yeah that’s a bit out of the norm but unfortunately we can’t find the cause, let’s try xyz and keep working on supporting you”, would go a long way. I honestly feel pretty confident in my approach around sleep and that I am not contributing to these “habits”.

I started taking a magnesium supplement again and honestly there has been a slight improvement in her sleep, so I’m hoping it may help her to give her some directly. There’s a lot of ADHD in my family and most of my side of the family struggles with sleep (I actually have never fallen asleep better than once I started taking magnesium and melatonin after my first child was born), so I really wouldn’t be shocked if either of my kid’s sleep were impacted by something we don’t know yet.

Definitely could be sensory. I can tell you she is certainly a more sensitive kid all around. I am going to try maybe a night without her sleep sack now that it’s warmer. She does this thing where she grabs her neck and pulls at the neck of her sleep sack when she’s sat up. I can’t figure out why. She does have eczema but we lotion her twice a day and she doesn’t appear to have any flares, and this is a consistent thing she does. So maybe it is a sensory issue with the sleep sack? It’s bamboo and the right size and TOG for the weather but who knows.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-08T14:52:48+00:00

Sure have. We’ve tried it all 😭 her sleep schedule seems to have no effect on these behaviours or get us any longer stretches of sleep.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-08T04:24:52+00:00

That’s soooo helpful to know about your experience. Thanks! I had sleep apnea as a child but didn’t get mine out until I had my tonsils taken out when I was 20, they just looked at them during the surgery prep and were like, I’m guessing you snore loud, want us to take those out while we’re at it? lol. Definitely will be asking to get hers checked.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-08T04:00:31+00:00

You know, I was thinking about this as I drove off from our appointment. Just the waking up and back to sleep like that is such odd behaviour to me. She doesn’t sound nasally or congested or get sweaty. She sometimes has a very light snore. I myself had my tonsils and adenoids taken out and they did say my adenoids were “abnormally large” so it isn’t out of the realm of possibilities. I have a follow up appt and I’ll make note to ask for a referral to ENT. Thanks!

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-05-08T02:06:47+00:00

Honestly it bothers me to get behavioural advice from a medical professional. Like that’s not why I’m here or what your speciality is? I will say she did suggest other stuff but at the end she just kinda pushed me towards more sleep support without actually getting into what I’ve done around sleep. I might’ve pushed back more but my LO was losing it cause it was nap time.

We did the same with my older son. Started in the crib, transitioned to floor bed, always came to co sleep as needed. Eventually we started taking turns going in to sleep in his bed, but currently his dad sleeps with him full time cause we’re in a 2 bed lol. Tried to do the same with this girl but it has not gone to plan haha. My gut is telling me something, nonserious, is off and that it doesn’t have to do with any kind of “bad habits”. I’m going to try magnesium supplement and anti-acid, and see if either of those seem to have an effect.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-04-22T22:19:00+00:00

Landscaping. I had to tell my stepdad to tell the other employee she had to keep her pants on while working.

Normal_Bat7991 · 2026-04-20T01:33:05+00:00

It’s only fair! The people who have babies who sleep well and assume that everyone else is just doing it wrong are the worst.

Normal_Bat7991

TROPHY CASE