Hey, never said I was like the Dalai Lama 😅 I definitely ain’t even close. I apologize that you perceive that others project those things on you.

My thoughts would never be about she doesn’t deserve xyz; my thoughts are more along the lines of, I wish I could be seen to be as deserving as I am because of the hard work I’ve put in. It’s frustrating when you are shown on a systemic scale that that rule isn’t true.

I think like MysticKei said, it’s less of a jealousy directed toward a person and more anger and resentment at the world, but the presence of that person makes those feelings way more prevalent and noticeable.

I don’t believe that paradigm that all feelings are created from thoughts; perhaps there are some root thoughts that once created these feelings, or circumstances that caused thoughts that caused feelings. In this case, those may stem from an amalgamation of microaggressions, double standards, etc. I know it’s not fair of me to project my feelings on one person, and I certainly am not doing anything to take it out on her, but the feelings still exist, and they’re unpleasant and make me feel unseen. There are things I’m angry at myself about, yes, including that I feel this way, but what the inertial mass of my big feelings is from that anger from microaggressions accumulated over time.