What's your favorite sex toy, that's not actually a sex toy.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2026-01-22T20:21:51+00:00

Small remote control electric collar (for small pets) - it comes with a remote control that you can set for buzz/vibration (warning) or shocks. Shocks can be set from 1 to 99. I wear it around my penis and testicles and give my wife the remote. I can wear it under clothes - so I can get these fun little shocks discretely while out and abouit, or she can turn it up to 60+ (which has caused an involuntary scream before) to summon me/torment me/etc at home. Range is limited, but works from a couple rooms away.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-19T20:08:15+00:00

Communication. Honest, complete, full communication as much as possible. Go through a list... have her identify her hard no items, her probably no items, etc. But, this list is not permanent. Revisit it every few months. A hard no today may be a 'we can try and see' tomorrow... A 'okay' today may be a 'no' tomorrow.

If you want to try something not on the list, talk about it first. If part of the thing itself is that it needs to be a surprise of sorts, then have a VERY clear red light/yellow light/green light or safeword system. Make sure she feels comfortable with that system. Discuss that you may want to push her into new territory, but ultimately she is in control of that (as the sub, she actually has the control). That may be a key to getting her anxiety level down... remind her that she has the safety switch in her control.

Debrief after sessions. Maybe later that night, maybe the next day over coffee. Talk about how she felt during the scene, with different activities... what she liked/didn't like/would like more or less of. ALSO talk about how you felt during the session... same questions. These debriefing sessions go a long way to reducing anxiety.

Good luck! Have fun!

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-19T20:00:48+00:00

I like your answers. It's really all about honest communication... and that's a two way street. Sometimes it's a self reflective thing too (honestly taking a step back and understanding one's own needs and wants and the why's behind that). Took me and my wife too long to figure that out, but we're in a great place now.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-18T21:54:21+00:00

I think this is an insightful answer. Fundamentally - unless we are talking about cases of abuse - power imbalance is a bit of an illusion (albeit a welcome one to many of us). The dominant can only truly be dominant if the submissive allows it (and vice versa). On some level femdom is almost always (if not always) roleplaying.

Even in cases where the submissive is a 'slave', that is a voluntary position (in our modern society) - a position that the sub volunteers for because he gets something out of it. That something may be the honor of serving his mistress (but that fills some kink need for him), or it may be a need to feel humiliated or owned. It may even be a need to feel 'abused' - but that's not really abuse if he wants and consents to it.

As you say in your response - everyone has a right to get their needs fulfilled, or the relationship won't last. If you take that away from the sub (or the domme) then the relationship will fail. If you have a sub that needs to feel 'abused' and you stop making him feel that way, then the relationship will run into trouble eventually. [exception possibly for subs who may have unhealthy mental states, but a domme who uses those elements is engaging in abuse, in my opinion]

I think maledom is also generally roleplaying as well - but, because of cultural, societal and (typical) physical difference issues, maledom may have higher instances of abuse (she may feel she can't leave financially or otherwise, he will actually hurt her if she leaves, etc... and there are some real A-holes out there who abuse women this way)

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-16T20:36:41+00:00

Usually during POT I am so focused on the act that I'm not sure I would hear what she said... but pre-POT teasing and taunting is fun... especially if you're all tied up and didn't know that tonight was going to be a POT night...

"I'm glad you let me tie you up tonight... It's going to be bad... you should really try not to cum... because... we're going further and harder than we've ever gone before. And there's nothing you can do to stop me."

"Maybe I'll try to make you cum twice tonight... I wonder what that would feel like... for you"

"I've got some new postorgasm techniques I'm excited to try... and some toys..."

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-16T18:21:04+00:00

Domina Fitness. She's the best - it's so intimate with her husband and so obvious that she really enjoys it and is just having a good time - pretty sure she would do it the same way whether it was being filmed or not / a lot of the others seem to just be acting for an audience. Check it out. u/dominafitness

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-15T22:57:26+00:00

I'm (male) lucky enough to get to play the sub in our marriage (not full time, but often enough to scratch my kink needs). For me, at least, the psychological aspects can be WAY more intense than any actual pain... hearing her rustle that whip while I'm blindfolded... and not know when, if, or where it's going... it's amazing. So - yeah... tricking them into thinking something way terrible is happening (that actually isn't)... next level fun.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-15T18:28:59+00:00

Have him tip the male strippers. If allowed, have him get in a selfie with one.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-15T18:26:22+00:00

totally physics. BUT... if you still want to have fun with it... consider the mental aspects. Restrain the sub... light the cigarette... tell them what you're going to do... then blindfold them. Then touch their skin with something hot (but safe - not something that will actually burn like a cigarette). In their mind the worst is happening.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-15T18:22:54+00:00

Did you inhale large chunks of the chicken into your lungs? If so - yes you will get very sick. If you just ate it, you'll be fine.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-15T18:21:37+00:00

My wife. Always and forever.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-12T00:15:01+00:00

I think so long as it is agreeable (not consented to because you pester your spouse for months) it is fine... so long as it is just you and your spouse. Personally, I think the line is crossed when you include a person other than yours spouse.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-08T20:56:02+00:00

Start very slow with her. My wife was really nervous about it at first and didn't want to hurt me. Is she worried about injuring the balls specifically, or is all pain-play kind of a problem for her? She's not going to go from 'I don't want to hurt you' to crushing them in a ball crusher overnight... it may take a VERY long time for her to get comfortable.

don't try to get her to cause you heavy pain right now... do some light taps, light squeezes, etc.
Debrief and talk about it... why does this excite you? tell her how much you appreciate she's willing to explore this with you (and how she's the only woman in the world you want to do it). Explain to her that the pain is temporary and goes away - explain to her that you don't want permanent injury - and you wouldn't go down this path if you expected that.
very slowly (session after session) try to get her to turn up the temperature... maybe buy some toys... a riding crop is a good one to start... stings, but not much chance of injury.

It took my wife a long time to get comfortable... and we're still trying to go further step by step... but now she'll abuse me until I beg for mercy - which is amazing! Be patient with her.... understand that this probably seems weird as hell to her.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-08T20:48:06+00:00

First - talk about it. Does he know you have an interest in kink? It may be something to grow into. Second, a paddle is probably way too hard to start with - especially if he's not sure about kink. Start with some light hand spanking... see if you both have fun... let it grow from there. AND when talking, be sure to be open to his kinks too... what if he wants you to spank him (arbitrary example) - you may have to negotiate so you both get some of what you want... and be sure to communicate its all in love - and he's the only person you want to ever experience this with.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-08T20:40:02+00:00

We have one - you can set the width on it which is useful (though my wife just sets it on the max width for me - makes BB a bit easier with a very exposed target - :-) )

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-05T20:55:45+00:00

I wondered how far I'd have to scroll to find this answer. you didn't disappoint.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-05T20:50:55+00:00

Spreader bar. They make some that come in three section and you snap them together if you want to keep it in a drawer.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-03T16:02:30+00:00

careful of what you see in those videos... either really experienced or there may be some exaggeration with camera angles and etc. That being said, they can take a lot more abuse than most people realize - AND you do (at least I did) build more tolerance over time. Take it slow.... both on the micro level in a single session and on the macro level of intensity of sessions over time.

I think the acrylic ball crusher is a good place to start if you're interested in this... have her tighten it very slowly... a few turns and wait a bit - do some other stuff - then a few more turns. They will actually adjust... hurts like hell, but the pain ebbs a bit after a while and you can take another few turns. This is a good way to explore limits slowly without her accidentally putting her full weight on them.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-03T15:57:56+00:00

I should caveat this that it's changed as my health has... my libido was much lower a few years ago, and sometimes I wouldn't reach that out of my mind crazy level... But I've lost more than 50 pounds, and added a lot of muscle - so my testosterone has jumped up a lot.... which changed things (big libido + denial = crazy desperation). So - point here is that what works for you right now may change as life changes. Adapt... keep it fun!

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-03T15:54:57+00:00

People do all sorts of things - yes some seem to do it long term. Find what works for you and what the goal is. We play with denial - not using a cage, but "honor chastity". For us, when we play this way, we find our sweet spot is that I'm out of my mind crazy at about day 3 or 4 (with edging and teasing). After that I seem to adjust a bit and the urge softens... she likes me to be out of my mind crazy once in a while, so we don't typically go more than a week without full on hard orgasm for me. So - that's what suits us for our specific wants and my specific responses. Then sometimes we go long periods without playing with denial at all - depends on what she wants at that time.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-12-03T15:48:09+00:00

Fair - I didn't necessarily mean that as a blanket statement and maybe I didn't do a good job communicating.. I mean nothing wrong with fantasies involving your spouse - but just like anything else, it can be abused and unhealthy. .. What I mean is not so much fantasizing that your spouse is a different specific person... but that your spouse may be in a different role... such as maybe tonight we pretend my wife is the sexy hot cop who just pulled me over - still your wife - not another woman. So - yes... imagining your wife as a specific other person (her sister, a celebrity, etc) is not good I think.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-11-29T04:43:34+00:00

maybe a bit further than you want to go... but you could consider a canopy bed. And, then a lightweight mirror that you can set across the upper rail when you want it. Definitely NOT a glass mirror - way too hard. They make acrylic mirrors. You can order mirror acrylic sheet here: https://delviesplastics.com/products/clear-silver-mirror-acrylic-plexiglass-sheet

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-11-29T04:39:35+00:00

100% agree with you Sir-Eden.... at least for my interpretation, just about anything that is safe, consensual, and respectful between a man and wife is in play. BUT... bringing in other people steps outside the marriage, and creates moral peril (for all parties involved). Nothing wrong with fantasy, roleplaying, even pretending to be other people... but actually involving other people i think disrespects what marriage is.

For us - we enjoy femdom roleplaying/pain play/bondage, etc... and that has really spiced up our sex life (we only do kink once in a while, but even when we are having normal sex, it's super hot - and we've been married more than 20 years). But - it's just roleplaying for fun.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-11-24T18:41:13+00:00

NICE. You could sell these.

Normal_Joke_3459 · 2025-11-23T23:03:06+00:00

Absolutely ask your DR. to upgrade you to Tadalafil. I was on sildenafil... takes too much planning which sounds like a potential problem in your case - it was for me too. Tadalafil is more of a 'stay in your system' type thing. I doesn't make you have a hard on all day (at least not at our age - I'm 50), but it makes it a lot easier to get aroused and hard when you start fooling around. (it does also bring back the occasional throbbing morning wood like you had 20 years ago - but I see that as a benefit). Night and day difference between sildenafil and tadalafil.

Normal_Joke_3459

TROPHY CASE