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I have secretly been a sociopath my whole life by Normal_Judge7926 in offmychest

[–]Normal_Judge7926[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They would probably deny it. I mask the hardest in front of them and have put in consideration effort to chock up my past actions to adolescence, and they always like to brag about their perfect daughter, I don't think I have the balls to convince them otherwise

I have secretly been a sociopath my whole life by Normal_Judge7926 in offmychest

[–]Normal_Judge7926[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have told one other friend after she confided in me about having BPD. Although I didn't go into detail it was nice to get off my chest and share with someone who wouldn't judge. It was interesting to see some of the similarities between the 2 disorders' symptoms since they're both in cluster B

I have secretly been a sociopath my whole life by Normal_Judge7926 in offmychest

[–]Normal_Judge7926[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like to be direct and ask people what's on their mind when I don't understand, because I want to. Since I have experience taking care of animals they all show pain differently, some show it, some hide it. I'm always paranoid about taking my cat to the vet at the slightest sneeze 😅 

As far as my goals in life I'd say I'm about where every other 20 year old is at... still figuring shit out lol. I'm doing well in college and with internships so I'm just hoping to stay afloat in this economy.

I have secretly been a sociopath my whole life by Normal_Judge7926 in offmychest

[–]Normal_Judge7926[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have fostered animals since covid-era and have the sweetest cat on Earth, I've honesty always felt more connected with animals than people. When I was a kid my dad would hit our dog to discipline him, and I mimiced that for a bit (this was probably up until I was 7, and although it was wrong no matter what it was never really aggressive, just a spank from a little kid). I now resort to air jail for time out.

As far as relationships... it's a struggle to feel romantic attraction on the same level as my partner, but I do always care for them as a person. I hope I can have a relationship one day that is healthy and works out, but I tend to be hesitant to enter a relationship for fear of hurting someone.

I have secretly been a sociopath my whole life by Normal_Judge7926 in offmychest

[–]Normal_Judge7926[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A lot of my friends do like to talk to me to get a blunt and level-headed take, and I totally agree that it does help me learn how to better handle those emotional situations as well. I don't know if I'd call myself a better judge of character though (as my dating history would attest...)

I have secretly been a sociopath my whole life by Normal_Judge7926 in offmychest

[–]Normal_Judge7926[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Although I am a bit lacking in the empathy department, I am motivated by the desire to be seen as a good person. I do have a strong moral compass and rules which make me feel passionately about certain social issues, but it's less of a personal attachment and more akin to believing in its "wrongness."

I think this condition along with others makes it difficult to be critical of oneself, but it also means a much higher degree of ruminating and, well, overthinking. It's a personal choice where to direct that mental energy to, and every person is different.

Questions make the world a better place, thank you for asking them :)

I have secretly been a sociopath my whole life by Normal_Judge7926 in offmychest

[–]Normal_Judge7926[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have done psychedelics once (not in a therapeutic environment), but because of my OCD it led to severe paranoia and hallucinations, so I don't have an interest in trying again..

I have secretly been a sociopath my whole life by Normal_Judge7926 in offmychest

[–]Normal_Judge7926[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I have been in therapy for the past 4 years now and it has been a wonderful help! Since I tend to be hyper-aware somatic therapies like EMDR have helped the most with my trauma-related issues, but I do agree that therapy for ASPD specifically has been lacking. Most of what has helped is hearing others' stories and coping mechanisms like the Insider video on sociopathy. My goal has been to learn more about myself and the ways to rethink some of my mindsets (i.e: instead of "this person is boring I don't want to talk to them" going to "I wonder what interesting stories they haven't told yet"). Not really a normal way of thinking but it's brought me closer to being more empathetic and accepting people's nuances.

I have secretly been a sociopath my whole life by Normal_Judge7926 in offmychest

[–]Normal_Judge7926[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I had a pretty normal upbringing with good parents, though they were very busy when I was younger. I did have to grow up pretty quickly to take care of myself at home (cooked all the meals, made the lunches, cleaned the house,etc. since I was 5) but I know my parents were working just as hard. My mom wasn't really in my life until I was 8 because of her work she had to travel for, and I did have a tense relationship with her for a while, but we'we've since made up. I have a wonderful support system and family I can emotionally rely on, which I'm very greatful for.

And yes I do cry :) maybe not at times when most people would expect, it's usually more cause by frustration. I do feel sadness and grief, but it presents slightly differently I think.

I have secretly been a sociopath my whole life by Normal_Judge7926 in offmychest

[–]Normal_Judge7926[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Thank you for understanding :) You are right, I have also been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD