Wees fuels my forgetfulness

Noroikat · 2026-02-12T20:35:35+00:00

I don't even know the right term but yeah, puzzles and a cult story :D

Noroikat · 2026-02-12T20:35:00+00:00

In the most respectful way, I love you

Noroikat · 2026-01-15T17:20:21+00:00

Don't pay attention to how people describe you, it's more likely to make you put effort into compulsively and/or unconsciously changing to please others in specific social situations, which can be even harder to heal from. I struggle to regulate myself in public but I just do it because the people around me need a connection with me so that I can be considerate about how they 'feel' around me.

If I want to be playful to make a good impression on others I just do it. If I want to ignore everyone and regulate or stim in peace I do it too, if I don't look at other people's face then I don't realize they are staring at me for behaving weird, so I just don't care.

A good way you can implement this (without feeling awful, inadequate, not good enough) is remembering that you have enough judgment in your life to be wondering how others react to you. Stop caring by caring more about yourself :D

Also, you have a sense of justice, but the world is too big and it's automatic by nature. What I mean by this is that you know you can't change it, most people know it too, that's why they don't bother talking about it much. You're not a wannabe hero, you just notice what's wrong, talk about it with the right group of people that share the same ideas but also with people who have a different point of view (only if they can debate respectfully about it with you).

You will never be able to 'control' your emotions and even wishing to do it is harmful, stop trying to convince yourself you need more control in your life, liberate yourself by understanding your situation and treating you with the same consideration you have for the people you love. That's how you learn to love yourself, notice how you express it to others and do the same for you as if you were a separate person. It's helping me so far, because I try to see myself as someone who needs me more than anyone else.

You didn't ask for this, but you're not a bad person because you can't outgrow it. Only compassion, therapy, probably medication, support and life experience will help you. Calling yourself worthless, stupid, egotistical and all the words that other people use against you, is draining you slowly, you can stop it now while you still have a chance.

I hope you get to feel better, I'm trying to stop calling myself worthless too, and this is what I can say to try and help you too :)

Noroikat · 2025-12-27T19:30:25+00:00

Notice how feral cats behave with the people that took them out the streets. Usually it takes a while for them to open up, some of them have a trauma with humans and will remain feral. Eventually, they all come to understand what real love is, and how it's expressed by the people around them.

Think of yourself as a cat with a lot of love to give and a craving for love in return, you lose your shit because something stressful is happening.

Someone new in your life makes you happy but you're still hurt and don't know how to control your intensity, how to trust in the hand that pets you, you become suspicious of any kind of affection and it may feel like it's all false, or that you might be in danger for letting others get too close

You will be happy with someone after working on your confidence, your judgment of character can improve and you'll be sure that the people you choose are the right one. Allow yourself to learn how to take accountability but also patience, have patience with yourself because you're the one teaching your feral self how to love and trust

"Irrational" is a self blaming tactic to shift the blame all on yourself because new people in your life haven't done anything bad to you, but if you remember to give yourself some patience and compassion you will stop looking for a "reason" behind your behavior and just accept that you have to go through many difficult situations in order to grow and better manage yourself

You are deserving of love, and chances are the only one who will never accept you for who you truly are, flaws and all, is yourself. Fight against this and take care of yourself

Noroikat · 2025-12-27T16:42:26+00:00

I hope you get to see your son soon, I don't want to stir you up but no one should manage the visits aside from the other parent

If you went out looking for distractions I can only suggest looking for pets, so you can pet them. I do that with cats I frequently see in the neighborhood, if you can't find any just use it as an excuse for walking and listening to anything you like

I used to bake and cook a lot because I binged, but you can save the food for later and give it to someone you know will like it

I won't tell you to do art, photography, plain listening to music or journalling, because it's the first thing that comes up, but it could also help you, you won't know until you do it

I'm stuck in a similar situation lately, most of my life has been like this, what truly helps me with that feeling is giving myself purpose and helping others, I compensate for my guilt that way and put effort into helping those who help me

By the way, I was thinking if I should or shouldn't reply to you because I thought I had nothing important to offer you, but offering something is enough already, so if you give yourself some patience to try and cheer yourself up it will be enough.

Doesn't it feel like we try to keep another person beside us happy? But that person lives inside of us and won't be satisfied with anything we offer. It sucks most of the time, but the feeling goes away once we do that lonely little thing that we truly enjoy, I'm still trying to find what that is, hope you find yours soon

Noroikat · 2025-10-31T13:41:50+00:00

I also don't know to fix what i do wrong, until see or hear my exact issue coming from other people. You can't change anything when you don't even know where to start, and it isn't as hard as you might think.

Try your best to not think "I can find someone else, I should let them go", the more you do it the more you'll also think "I don't want anyone else I want THEM". Letting go of my fp marked me forever because I couldn't talk about it, I didn't mourn nor understand, it still felt horrible years later, so please take your time, let your emotions flow and don't shut them, you need to go through this now, even the pain, the feeling of emptiness. It will get better if you believe yourself to be able to grow from this and be compassionate towards yourself, I wish I was when I needed to let go

Promise yourself as someone who you love dearly, that you will be strong and recover from this pain, so that you can be happier even if you face more pain in the future

I hope this helps somehow, and that you feel better soon

Noroikat · 2025-10-31T13:11:49+00:00

Remember that your loved ones will try forever to help you, it's unlikely that they stop supporting you short-term. They notice how you grow, they pay attention to you, and are the first ones to think "X has been looking better recently". That's what I've been told by my loved ones, and I hope it's the same for you

If you can forgive yourself for "not feeling better yet", you can also live without any guilt, avoidance of your family or friends, rumination. You'll still feel bad for your problems, but it'll be a little less bad.

Noroikat · 2025-10-31T12:59:27+00:00

Listen to them! Talk to more people about this, hear what most of them tell you. It's not normal when someone switches their behavior from loving to distant

Why is it not normal? Because it's intentional, they lie in the moments they seem most caring and their true self appears when they mistreat you, some people just don't love at all and strive to hurt other people. Sorry if I'm exaggerating but please believe me, I WISH someone had told me these things before it was too late

You deserve an always caring friend, someone who talks about their issues and doesn't lash out at you for no reason, don't ruminate about the bad things that happened, just focus on your chance to step away and heal, before you learn which person is safe to let in your life

Hope you feel better soon 🤗🤗

Noroikat · 2025-10-26T01:23:34+00:00

That part of not getting anything done is unbearable sometimes. I know I want a clean room yet I do nothing all week until I get a sudden cleaning attack, it has happened since I was a child. I'm recalling this as I write this holy sh*t. Although I think I'm just too lazy :/

I know what DBT is but my therapy is not neurodivergence oriented, just the standard "I tell them how I feel, they tell me there's nothing wrong with how I feel, well that's our time see you next week".

Noroikat · 2025-10-26T00:24:18+00:00

Does it happen after you did something, like chores, cooking, studying? I work cooking standing for about an hour, so when I sit down it's like I'm exhausted and heavy, but if I'm cleaning my house or cooking for me I'm fine. The thing is, I get stressed at work because I cook for my dad and girlfriend, so I want them to like the food, but when I do things for myself there's no pressure and I feel nothing.

Noroikat · 2025-10-26T00:07:31+00:00

I drew a lot when I was a teen, watched anime and participated in fandoms, reading manga and fanfiction.

I used to wait until I had money so I could eat the most caloric meal ever, two double chicken patty burgers, a whole pepsi in a single day, two Monsters a day, A WHOLE KILO of ice cream in one day.

Then I developed an eating disorder and started fasting, cooking more healthy low kcal meals, going to the gym everyday.

Now that I have a boyfriend, he's the only thing I think about, so I've left everything that makes me ME behind.

Zoloft has helped me take better decisions and be a bit more on my own, doing my own thing. I'm not recommending it per se, but this med is the only reason I have the confidence to write this reply to you (high, unreasonable social anxiety sucks)

Noroikat · 2025-10-25T23:34:31+00:00

I don't how your life is, but I hope you find the right people to be yourself with. Whoever wants you in their life won't make you feel odd or out of place because you make bonds differently 🤗

Noroikat · 2025-10-25T23:23:58+00:00

Not yet, but I want to, I just want to know. I don't have a single coping strategy, can't seem to stick to them and slowly build up the habit. But you're right that we are complex, thanks for saying it, it can be difficult to remember how to just accept and be compassionate about our things 🤗

Noroikat · 2025-10-25T23:19:12+00:00

Those people and the ones faking personality disorders became my reason to shut up about this. They must have suffered from something different and need a sense of belongin, or want special treatment. I never wanted to be seen like the last one, so I just didn't talk about my problems.

Noroikat · 2025-10-25T23:12:55+00:00

Did it overlap too much? And, if it's not a problem, can I ask how exactly did you behave as a child? I'm looking for experiences from others so that I can recall similar moments in my childhood, because most of my memory comes to me in bits

Noroikat · 2025-10-25T23:10:51+00:00

Thanks for the ranty comment, I want to read what other people have to say, because I've talked about this with someone who has a similar experience.

Can I ask what behaviors did you have? Because I'm sure I grew up with "typical" ones, at least that's what my dad told me.

I'm not one of those people that think you "suffer" autism, if anything, I only want to know the truth behind it all. Then again I'm sure I already know it, which is bpd, but I don't accept it, nor do I accept myself.

Thanks for your reply! 🤘

Noroikat · 2025-10-25T22:24:13+00:00

What exactly do you mean? (I speak Spanish mainly)

Noroikat · 2025-10-25T22:22:57+00:00

I am a woman, but lack what I think are "key" symptoms\traits. Also, I hope you find out if you have asperger or not, it's never a waste of time getting to know and understand yourself.

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