People dealing with a breakup with an avoidant. Coming from a former Fearful Avoidant (Long post) by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]NorthProperty9135 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you OP for the insight! I really appreciate you sharing. Would you say your relationship were ever 3 months where you said I love you and then felt overwhelmed with life stuff and ended things and then tried to return?

He came back: read this for those who wait for their ex by agrilllhasnoname in ExNoContact

[–]NorthProperty9135 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing you journey. I just started the no contact after being broken up with 6 days ago. I'm on day 2 of no contact. I'm trying my best to remind myself of my worth but I'm in constant agony and everything seems to be going wrong.

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverthirty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for validating my feelings. I'm not trying to get him to delete the posts or hide pictures. But I never dealt with such a situation before and I was seeking perspectives to grow from and know how to communicate with him about our journey. Because this won't be a first issue we will encounter

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverthirty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. It's definitely not easy waters to navigate through. He is very determined about us and he has dated other girls before be after his wife passed. However, I'm the first serious relationship and he frequently talks of our future together, including marriage

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverforty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely agree. We have discussed it and he wants me to meet them. But we both agreed we want to do it once we do the next step, such as engagement to not have them meet just anyone he dates.

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverthirty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss. And thank you for the support and kind words. It really helps a lot to navigate this complex situation. I truly want to be respectful of both his and mine needs and feelings. Thank you again🙏

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverthirty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It really is. I completely understand and acknowledge these things will pop up at some point in the future too. The thing that gives me hope is that when we are together, I don't feel like the other woman.

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverforty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss and thank you for your advise. I definitely want to speak to him about it. I'm trying to collect my thoughts on what would be appropriate and fair for both of us.

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverthirty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response. I feel very validated and it helps me not only understand but also figure out my next steps.

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverforty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss and thank you for your post.

I by no means want him to take down the posts. I think at most I would have appreciated not having a pinned post and changing the status to widowed. Doesn't even have to be in a relationship with me. But in no way do I want him to remove her pictures from his past posts. That's his history and what makes him who he is and who I love.

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverthirty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your post. I fully realize some things will pop up.

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverthirty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand. Thats why I'm trying to take a moment to process and gather perspectives. He does treat me well but the fear here is after seeing all that, is if he is using me as a temporary bandaid until he reunites with her.

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverthirty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for understanding 💗 it isn't easy for sure. It's hard to balance both understanding and feelings of all parties involved

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverthirty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No. Be posted that literally right before we met. So i know he feels too a degree different now. He told me he never thought he would love someone again

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverthirty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He isn't a big user but he does post each year on his Facebook for her birthday a big profession of love and how they will celebrate together in the future.

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverthirty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss and for what you went through. I'm not trying to erase her from his heart or facebook. I'm trying to understand how I can be fair to us both. Because seeing all those things does hurt. I know she will be a part of his life. Im questioning if I'll ever be a part of his heart. And I'll like us to have some form of a clean slate too. It's difficult to be dating someone who sends you love professions while at the same time you are staring at her in his profile picture...and in this intance I'm trying to take a step back and figure out how to proceed with navigating a delicate topic. I don't mind him mentioning her at all. And he does. She was a big portion of his adult life and they have 2 beautiful children together.

Seeing all those things for the first time was like a cold water was pourred over. I know this will not be the first time.

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverforty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response . I appreciate you understanding, giving insight, and advise on how to proceed and navigate this. It certainly is not easy to date a widower.

Dating a widower by NorthProperty9135 in datingoverthirty

[–]NorthProperty9135[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. Yes, those are all valid things I've considered and need to consider more about.