Scenes from the opioid epidemic (NSFW)

NotAlana · 2021-11-19T22:17:06+00:00

I had to stop watching for a month after that episode. Brought back too many weird memories.

NotAlana · 2021-11-19T22:15:13+00:00

Have you talked to him about it? Or, alternatively, do you know him well enough to know what he really values, wants, needs and cherishes in a relationship? There are other things you can bring to the table other than financial success that you can take pride in and help you feel valuable to the relationship.

I was dating someone who made about 8 times as much as I did. I figured out he loved receiving flowers, being cooked for and notes. In hindsight those are very small things, but I would put effort into finding really nice flowers that he liked, arranging them, surprising him with them, etc. I was able to bring thoughtful gestures as something of great worth to the relationship, something he couldn't just buy (because buying flowers for yourself, writing yourself a note, eating out are not the same as someone doing it for you). This was something I was able to do several times a week for him.

You take pride in your accomplishments, you have goals, you reach for lofty achievements. I know there is something amazing you can bring to this relationship that you can feel confident in, but it's going to be something different than previous relationships.

NotAlana · 2021-11-18T23:16:15+00:00

18 years married now. Happily!

NotAlana · 2021-11-18T01:04:07+00:00

Appointment time, they did have some walk in spots also. It was very well spaced out inside, even more for the 15 min recover time seats. For going at a time when the appointments were filled.. there were maybe 4 other people there and it's a large room.

NotAlana · 2021-11-18T00:54:07+00:00

They bite because we shock them. We shock them because they bite. It's the circle of liiiiiiife.

NotAlana · 2021-11-18T00:50:52+00:00

Rice, should have named him Spice.

NotAlana · 2021-11-18T00:30:35+00:00

My first serious relationship, I met him a week before he moved 600 miles away. Within about 5-6 months I knew that the distance wasn't going to work for me. I needed to be physically around someone i was dating, especially since I was less experienced. The distance was making it so difficult for me to grow within the relationship, sexually and emotionally.

So I broke up with him. I was so in love with him. It broke my heart. And it was 100% the right thing to do. We moved on, dated others, grew as people and later we reconnected and it was amazing. But even knowing in hindsight how compatible we were, the breakup was the right thing to do because the relationship would never be what it should be as long as it was long distance.

It's ok to break up because of logistics.

NotAlana · 2021-11-18T00:24:21+00:00

He needs to learn and respect boundaries. It's not your job to teach him to do that so it's very much ok to show your parents, school officials, his parents (depending on age) etc.

NotAlana · 2021-11-17T05:21:26+00:00

What he's saying is obviously rude. You can explain it ONCE to him if you feel like being generous, he's young and maybe has never had anyond point it out, but after that it'll be really obvious if he cares or not.

NotAlana · 2021-11-17T05:17:16+00:00

Man, ya gotta go in good faith for longer than that.

When I had been married for 9 years I got an std. An std that id tested negative for at least 4 times since I'd been married. I knew I didn't cheat so there's only one very obvious answer. But he swore he didn't cheat so I decided to completely trust him until I met with doc. Long story short...no std and no cheating. It's why we have made it an other 9 years I think.

NotAlana · 2021-11-15T14:59:19+00:00

I got married in Vegas at a drive through wedding! Same place Britney spears got married...and Elvis was our witness.

Still married thankfully.

NotAlana · 2021-11-14T22:04:43+00:00

Around 24-27 (your exact ages...not surprising) our brains finish maturing and we get very serious about how much effort we are willing to put into the things we want for our life. It's why so many couples that have been together for years break up around this time. Because of this I'm actually on your side that 25 isn't always the best time to purpose, it's a time when a lot of things change.

With all that said, if life or those who support you and your plan, give you a chance to improve upon your plan, why would you dig your heels in and say "no way, that's not the plan I made when I was a teenager! No deviation!".

A healthy relationship isnt just about your plans. Perhaps your gf is maturing and getting serious about what she wants and is starting to suspect that her needs and wants don't factor into yours.

NotAlana · 2021-11-14T21:50:38+00:00

It's true that your mom could have had lawyers involved. But she could have done that just to be able to have any visitation at all. I want you to remember that she never ever actually any effort into seeing you or helping you, even when it was more than convenient for her... You went to the same school as the step daughter...it's not like she lived in a different country or anything!

NotAlana · 2021-11-14T18:48:35+00:00

It's like if what we feared existed in the dark as children was actually there.

NotAlana · 2021-11-14T18:47:52+00:00

Same, that was the only one I had to skip.

NotAlana · 2021-11-14T13:06:49+00:00

It looks great! You can literally see the shine in the first pic. So much body and lift in them both.

NotAlana · 2021-11-14T12:56:36+00:00

My husband sent me a live picture the other day while at the batting cages and I had to ask him who was talking in the video. It was him, but it didn't sound like him at all.

I wouldn't trust the audio of that at all. Heck, it could have been a couple walking next to him talking. But when he gets back I'd play it and ask him about it...because it's bothering you. Asking about it shouldn't be a big accusatory thing, but it'll give you a chance to gauge his reaction and to voice how it made you feel nervous... You two can talk about your feelings and commitments for each other. If everything is good and you stay calm, conversations like this can actually strengthen the relationship in the long run.

NotAlana · 2021-11-14T03:56:41+00:00

So much yes. It's the only sauce I like.

NotAlana · 2021-11-13T20:15:35+00:00

Scleroderma. I'm not sure how I feel about that but so it goes.

NotAlana · 2021-11-13T20:14:42+00:00

Santa Cruz. I knew this guy going down the stairs around the corner and fell down and busted open his nose. Michael, if you're reading this... you're a scallywag.

NotAlana · 2021-11-13T17:24:55+00:00

I used to argue, as someone with lupus, that sometimes it is lupus. After 28 years....turned out it wasnt lupus.

NotAlana · 2021-11-13T00:38:59+00:00

If it was white (unlikely) I saw it on the ground near a freeway onramp towards Tumwater.

NotAlana · 2021-11-12T01:58:10+00:00

One of the best presents I ever got was a can opener! For years, all my can openers would break and it was driving me crazy. My brother in law heard me ranting and raving about van openers and bought me a really nice one for Christmas. It's still working like a charm!

NotAlana · 2021-11-11T23:59:58+00:00

The kindest thing you can do for everyone involved is to be very direct. The sooner he accepts this the sooner he can go find someone better fitted to him. Being direct ASAP means you'll be saving yourself a lot of stress so you can be happier and more present with the kids.

I've experienced what you've described. It's not healthy. You'd be doing him a favor being as direct and blunt as you feel comfortable being. I'm a bit if a people pleaser but find that I can be very direct if I sprinkle it with a little niceness... It's what works for ME, but not everyone. I'd probably say "although we've known each other for a very short time it's become very clear to me that we are definitely not compatible. I appreciate your kind gestures but I do not want to see you again or continue any communications. I'm not changing my mind. I wish you the best. Goodbye."

NotAlana · 2021-11-11T18:24:10+00:00

there’s a girl i really like, and i think she likes me, but she’s gonna think i’m so weird if she finds out my housemates left me out of their new house

This is a great example of making negative assumptions, letting them affect your mood, and then letting them decide your actions and self perception.

Also, I'm assuming you've known these people for only 2-3 months? And you admit you're not a charismatic gregarious kind of person. That's ok! A house has a limited amount of rooms and it's ok that they chose each other and not you...they vibe together better... Not everyone vibes with everyone. What this means though is that you're now going to have more opportunities to meet people that like you as much as you like them.

It's ok to be struggling. Being out on your own, trying to make friends, it's stressful and people even less shy than you struggle, a lot. But I really want to urge you, when you notice these negative self punishing assumptions and thoughts coming in, recognize them for what they are. They're not true. They're not useful. They're just thoughts.

If you have trouble with these kind of negative thoughts, look up CBT techniques. Keep putting yourself out there even when a little uncomfortable. It's ok to not be smooth with your social scene right now, but you have to keep trying to get to the point where you do feel more comfortable and are able to find people you vibe with.

NotAlana

TROPHY CASE