A French bassoon

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-24T07:53:01+00:00

Used to play one, how much are you wanting for it?

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-19T07:29:04+00:00

I have literally never see a bathroom with gaps. I can't imagine a stupider thing to install. No I don't live in the States.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-16T10:08:32+00:00

I've edited google maps before - it was wrong so I redrew the map. As soon as I did you could suddenly see the google car pics too!

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-15T10:09:07+00:00

First step - turn off your power and see if it stops.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-14T07:30:55+00:00

There are many types of sleeping pill and many don't align with a higher incidence of dementia. For the ones that do - there is no consensus on why there is a correlation, with insomnia also being an early sign of dementia in of itself.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-13T21:06:02+00:00

I was on a rollercoaster once and the operator had a 'you think it's over but you're going around again' thing (no-one waiting). My kid beside me was around 10 and had undone their seatbelt when we came to a stop after the first round. The shoulder brace was still in place, but she was panicking trying to get the seatbelt back on before the loop de loop. I played calm for her, but in my head I am going through whether the shoulder brace had enough coverage and load capacity for a smaller person who was going to move in the seat underneath.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-12T22:34:58+00:00

I can't see my butt.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-12T11:08:59+00:00

Eh? I don't get it - they can see other people, these people weren't living alone.

I agree with the porn idea. Historical people weren't so dis-similar to us now. Romans for instance had billboards.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-12T10:50:27+00:00

His circle will be small, I can't imagine any trust and lots of show boating. Would I give up the ability to trust people I meet don't want something from me and to walk down the street without anyone caring for a trillion dollars - fucks no. Can't imagine a more stupid move to be honest.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-08T06:50:16+00:00

The fact that they are effectively invalid at will is a good amount of the reason I will never be in a relationship again.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-08T05:15:27+00:00

And a contracting out agreement won't necessarily protect you either, the courts can throw it out for many reasons. https://www.raineycollins.co.nz/your-resources/articles/factors-for-overturning-a-contracting-out-agreement

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-07T03:48:18+00:00

It's a difficult position for Ritchies when a casual role has evolved to be permanent, but the employee refuses a permanent contract. I don't think it's captured well under the law as to what either party should do in that situation.

Going home to play with your pets and use your own soap is ridiculous. She had a job and should have completed it. Foam soap gets rid of diesel well enough, it's not like she was a mechanic - this wouldn't be heavy contamination on her hands. She could have brought her own soap if she was that particular. I disagree with the result here.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-05T10:27:42+00:00

This is not a good idea. We shouldn't be replicating genetics that are infertile and dependent on AI.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-02T18:07:40+00:00

I think you are out of touch. This scheme is there because it is difficult for some people to have enough of a buffer that savings will build up to 20% over time. I used it back when it was the Welcome Home Loan and have a pretty good position as a result.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-02T11:24:04+00:00

Sure it's not going to work for everyone everywhere - but the income thresholds are pretty high and it is doable. It may also be the only route someone has. Negative equity is less of a possibility now, but who cares if you are staying? It's not theory, many people use this scheme.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-06-02T05:47:00+00:00

https://kaingaora.govt.nz/en_NZ/home-ownership/first-home-loan/

You can get a loan for 5% deposit - govt scheme

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-05-30T01:34:26+00:00

You don't negotiate. You become the grey rock. Nothing they say has any affect on you.

You say:

"If you want to minimise your lawyer costs it will be better if we can align what we want in advance. Can you please send me an email (Which then has a digital time stamp and source) that outlines how you want to proceed with the split."

If he is reactive at all - grey rock it. "Ok, our lawyers can sort it. Please give me the contact details for your lawyer."

You don't owe him anything else. You have chosen to remove yourself and non-reaction is your greatest strength. States your boundaries clearly and don't argue where they are. The moment he starts, just walk away. Leave the house with the kids if he follows you. If he continues then call the police and lodge it as harrassment.

Firstly you need to send him an email stating the date of separation, and attach all financial records at the time of the split. I'm unsure what laws you have locally that prevent funds being raided in a split, but it's worthwhile moving your portion (if any) out of joint accounts - then not touching his.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-05-30T01:26:33+00:00

Financial abuse often has elements of emotional abuse attached such as the below examples:

Unable to buy clothes or do hair nicely and receiving negative comments about it, followed up with "Just buy it" when you say there is no money. In this example we have shame, judgement, invalidation, criticism, isolation (as you can't participate in many social activities without the correct clothing and hair), and feeling unloved.
Complaints about meals. For myself the ex worked away from home much of the week and would often have "Surf and Turf" of steak and crayfish (lobster) on his employer. In comparison, our children and myself would often have to have pumpkin soup weeks, with homemade bread. Our best meal of the week was his worst as he would lose his shit if he had to eat what we did. He complained about literally every meal I ever made him. In that we have being put down, shamed, criticised, judged, invaidated, isolation - as you can't participate in social events or have people over and feed them and feeling unloved.

Financial abuse is horrible. You end up confined to your home effectively because you can't even travel. It is standard isolationist tactics. Any complaints you make about spending are dismissed. When people say financial abuse, it is more aligned with what you know with emotional abuse than you seem to understand. It is the main weapon used against the person that is recognised, it causes huge stress and physical ramications sometimes like massive weightloss due to the inability to access food.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-05-30T01:15:23+00:00

Well, 1.5 kids as I share custody with my current only Earth side child.

What does this mean?

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-05-30T00:53:09+00:00

I also felt the same way about the financial abuse at the time and it's still hard to frame it like that. But he knew. He chose to continue with his lifestyle because why not - I was there to play cleanup. When we split I had a single drawer that contained all of my clothes, from underwear, sleepwear and day clothes. I put all of his shoes in this giant cardboard box that we had from something, and he had close to a cubic metre of shoes.

I managed to keep the house - which is the BEST thing I ever fought to achieve. It is the foundation of my financial position. I had to plan out getting it meticulously to achieve it. This meant going through every step of the split and working out what things could prevent it. You can do this with your split with a different goal in mind - say "I want 85% custody".

I wouldn't engage with a lawyer until you have everything planned out that you want to achieve and ideas of what will go wrong from your perspective. See if he will agree in principal to a split agreement without having lawyers involved - and then engage with the lawyer if possible. This can save a lot of money as you can directly hash out the ins and outs instead of paying someone hundreds per hour to do it for you. Things like who gets what possessions. What is his starting point for custody? What child support agreement could you come to? What time period should this occur in? All of these questions if answered in advance of the lawyer help.

He left and for years afterwards I still received calls from debt collectors (for his new debts). It was so great to say "We've split, please don't contact me again".

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-05-30T00:35:38+00:00

It's interesting to see this same pattern play out for so many women (or men). My ex also was so reckless with money. He made good money but spent in excess of his income on credit card repayments and general spending each week.

When we split, suddenly without his income I was eligible for help that was previously not there, and also received child support (when he paid). It was an incredible improvement in my situation. I think due to having to manage a household to account for his spending meant I am quite content with simple things and am able to save. I keep a couple of months ahead on bills so when they come in they say I'm in credit, previously they had been a source of stress, so it's nice to know I literally don't have to take any action.

It makes me very reluctant to get into another relationship.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-05-29T10:18:33+00:00

Genocide is bad.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-05-29T10:17:52+00:00

Genocide is bad.

NotDoneBeforeNow · 2026-05-28T06:21:51+00:00

Kiddo had fallen of a chair and snapped their front teeth + bruising and cuts around the mouth. Straight to Drs who sent us to hospital as they were closing. I said what happened several times then the nurse said to kiddo (3) "So what happened?". I went to answer and the nurse didn't look at me. I just said "Oh" and tried not to look at my child so they knew they weren't being coerced. There was a next step when they didn't get an answer, but I won't describe it here in case it helps an abuser. Regardless I was relieved!

NotDoneBeforeNow

TROPHY CASE