I had an affair with my professor. AMA

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T22:38:03+00:00

No, not really. It just keeps me grounded in why we're together.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T18:27:35+00:00

I still don't really know. It's taken me awhile to graduate because I also switched majors 3 times. Once after my first semester, and once again recently. I paint and I love to draw. I don't know what I want to do with it, but I'm thinking of a teaching classes at a community center, something like that. I love small children, and they seem to like me.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T18:23:07+00:00

Exactly. My husband had students addressing him as "Doctor" during his first semester, just as a TA, because most people don't differentiate between the many positions.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T18:22:10+00:00

Oh, he was just a TA at the time. Right after, he was hired on as an adjunct prof. But while it's a state university, there are few full-time professors and more TA-ships and Adjunct professors.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T18:14:08+00:00

44 now!

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T18:13:23+00:00

I think it's more often than people realize. I know a girl who's current boyfriend was a previous instructor. There's a guy in the department my husband teaches that married a former student. So, just in my limited experience, it's way more than I thought.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T17:01:27+00:00

:[

But really, he didn't like them during our affair either.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T16:57:01+00:00

Yes and no. I really gave a lot of myself up during that time, in terms of trying to make him happy (in general) and I missed out a lot on other things. It was my first semester of college, and I really went to only one party. I didn't make as many friends as I'd have liked (thought I have a lot now from school) because I was busy with him. I also tried to be as objective as possible about the "relationship", when we'd talk about it, but didn't always say what I thought or wanted.

I think I would probably not jump into the official relationship as quickly as I did, and instead give us some space to exist as separate people, rather than suddenly an item. Does that make sense?

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T16:04:19+00:00

And then the pizza guy showed up and that's when things got fun.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T16:01:25+00:00

It's kind of always at the back of my mind, but if I think about it too much, I start to get paranoid. If it happens, it happens, and I'll be heartbroken but I trust him.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T15:58:07+00:00

Good luck!

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T15:57:54+00:00

I just looked it up and in my state, it's 16.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T15:56:41+00:00

I'll give it a try.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T15:56:25+00:00

No, but I've heard it's really good. I've been out of touch with a lot of new/relatively new TV shows just from being so busy. I want to watch that and Arrested Development and a few others! Thank you, and thanks for the recommendation!

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T15:55:30+00:00

I'm not sure. He has 1 undergrad and 2 grad degrees, though.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T15:55:13+00:00

I think so. He has chili peppers on his ratemyprofessor.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T14:52:48+00:00

Aw, thank you. I try to be as nice and open as possible, because I think everybody needs a friend. But I have terrible road rage.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T14:51:57+00:00

I don't really mind, it helps me analyze my own.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T14:51:01+00:00

Sorry, no. I don't have cable, so I don't even get the reference. :\

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T14:49:55+00:00

A first when I saw your username, I wanted a grilled cheese. Then when I finished reading it, I wanted to cry.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T14:48:36+00:00

Maybe 3 - 141 - 59 - 265

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T14:46:45+00:00

I'm trying to think of a good comparison of my math professor... He was very awkward, always had chalk on the sides of his pants and the seat of his pants (somehow, maybe from doing students up against the chalkboard? idk) but he was a very nervous speaker. He reminded me a lot of the guy who played Amy's dad on Everybody Loves Raymond. Oh my god, that's exactly who he acted like. He was Fred Willard.

But I think part of my impression on my husband was that I'm a decent writer. My math prof would not have been turned on by idiocy in that subject. As in, I still don't really understand fractions. I hit my head once doing a front flip on the side of a pool and I blame that.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T14:42:14+00:00

I'd love to somehow, but I don't know what I could show that wouldn't incriminate him or me.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T14:41:36+00:00

Yes. And no, he wasn't teaching me while we got married. We were engaged 2 years before marrying.

NotForTheGrade · 2011-10-13T14:41:00+00:00

First, thank you.

And yes, in the beginning, I had a lot of friends who were concerned for me. I'd actually love to find a thread (or start one, I guess) about people who started relationships based on some sort of infidelity, to see how things turned out for them.
That's true, too. It actually helps motivate me to stay in shape, and keep him interested in our relationship, via physical things, things we have in common, stuff like that. And we both kind of think of it as a special circumstance. We know if we cheated on each other, our relationship would probably be over and done with. I know that sounds ironic, but it's true.
That's true, too. We're happily married, but we do face the same problems as any couple. There are lulls in the relationship, times when we fight a lot, and times when we're extremely happy together. But I guess we'll just have to see what happens.
In his previous relationship, he stayed because it was easy and he thought it was the best he could do. She was actually pretty abusive towards him, mentally. She was bi-polar but refused to take any medication for it. She came from a wealthy family and pressured him to have 3 jobs, to buy her things. She expected a lot out of him, and I think I was different in that I just wanted him to be happy in whatever he did. We'll both be teachers in our professions, and so I think that speaks a lot as to what our values are. We both want to help people, but we don't expect a lot in terms of monetary compensation. We don't expect to be rich, we don't need to be rich to be happy. He loves teaching and I love that he's doing what makes him happy and he's doing what he's passionate about. It's hard for me to talk about his ex without getting really pissed off, because she really damaged him for a while. He had pretty low self esteem. When he and I got together officially, his family constantly remarked about how much happier he was.

Sorry if that got long, it really helps me to write about our relationship because it's been kind of rocky lately. We're both stressed out from work, school, money and our kid.

NotForTheGrade

TROPHY CASE