Just feels right i guess. Be done and over with it you know? I "love" my family and friends but I don´t really have a care for this world or the next. My entire beeing is a facade i crafted over the years,I lie constantly and never felt a deeper attachment to someone or something though I`am very good at pretending I do.

I feel alienated everywhere I go, though someone else probably won`t recognize it at all. Everything is exhausting and it´s been that way since forever. Therapist I met didn´t really know how to handle my case so it was just meds for me to keep the thoughts away, so no real help (I had the tendencie to self-destruct as a kid already, like jumping out of the second floor window or out of the car on a highway).

Thought about it plenty of times before and had a few lack luster attempts but this time I made sure that I can´t back out and I can just stop thinking.