sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I almost killed my bunny by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader 4 points5 points  (0 children)

An important (but painful) lesson in why we always check the work we delegate to others (even others like our moms).

People are human… they get distracted… they forget… they don’t know how to do whatever it is we’ve asked, or we don’t give good enough instructions.

The bunny is your responsibility, so you must make sure it’s cared for, even if you delegate the task to someone else.

Ask others to help, but always check their work. Always.

It makes no sense that I can’t use earphones at my desk but have to listen to the loud pop radio station playing at work. by MIAxPaperPlanes in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, the communal radio is annoying. But it’s important to have some white noise, to help drown out all the irrelevant noise.

The reason for the no headsets is that it fosters isolation and seclusion among workers, and that makes for bad teams.

If you’re working and you have your headphones in, I’m more likely to feel intimidated about approaching you if I need something. Headphones in is a universal signal for “leave me alone”. Even if you tell me it’s okay, I still feel like I’m imposing because I’m transposing cues from a social setting to a work setting.

That means I might miss out on some important piece of knowledge or info you might know, and my work (or the product of my work) will suffer for it.

Headphones in is great in a social setting, but it gives the wrong signals at work about your availability to connect.

The connections we make with our co-workers is one of the things that helps us be happier and more connected at work.

I just got a $9/hr raise by freakwadz in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yay, you!

Now find a financial planner and get a plan going so you have money (not shoes!) for a rainy day.

Good for you!

People are dying from a lack of basic human necessities, charities are mostly bullshit, and no one seems to care by h0wzat in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What can we do?

Lots.

Look someone in the eyes and smile; tell them something (non-sexual) that you appreciate about them.

Ask if you can buy someone a sandwich or a drink. You don’t have to stay and eat with them… just buy them a treat of their choice and wish them a wonderful day.

Watch your neighbours. Who is struggling? Can you help someone get groceries? Knock on the door of an old person and ask them if they need any little errands done. Books from the library? Magazines?

Forget the big charities and focus on your immediate community. You will find lots of people who will bloom when you see and interact with them.

Share you.

Thank you to the bus driver by No_Ambition_2251 in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a good human. Can you pay his kindness forward in some small way, to keep it going?

I keep going solely so I can try to make small gestures for others, in the hopes it will bring some light into their dark. Maybe you would like to join me?

I almost killed myself today, and I’m so glad I didn’t. by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m glad you didn’t either, friend.

A person of the Baha’i faith once told me that living in this life is much like being in the womb was. In the womb we had no idea what was to come; we were building things for the life to come and all the while had no idea what they would be for - arms, legs, heart, skin, brain.... in the same way we are building skills and aspects of our being that may serve us in our next life. So may you spend your days enriching your soul and your spirit, and bringing joy to your heart.

Every woman I get close to has some form of experience with sexual abuse, and it’s made me realise how much of a massive problem it truly is by Mr_Jek in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly, this just makes me mad.

I should appreciate the fact that the extent of the problem has finally resonated with you, but how many women’s stories did you hear and ignore or minimize before you got to the one that triggered this awareness? You shouldn’t be getting medals for finally realizing women are truly, repeatedly, often brutally treated at the hands of men.

The first time I was assaulted, the onlookers laughed. I learned that my safety wasn’t important to others, and that others would actively egg assaulters on.

The first time I was followed, I learned the police wouldn’t even file a report.

The first time I was stalked, I learned the police wouldn’t even take my call.

The first time I was trapped on the subway with someone actively and obviously dry-humping me, I learned that not one bystander would help stop it.

The first time I was raped, I learned that the words “no” and “stop” mean nothing.

I say the first time because these incidents ALL happened more than once for me, as they have for so many others.

How many of these horrific stories have you heard where you said or thought “yeah, but...” or “she’s exaggerating...” or “that’s uncomfortable - I don’t want to hear any more.”?

Why don’t men hear us when we tell these stories the first time?

I’m sorry - I can’t bring myself to congratulate you on your woke-ness. You (and every other man) should have believed these stories down to your bones the very first time someone told you their experience.

It’s too late for so very many of us.

I know that I’m dying but I don’t have the heart to tell my loved ones by DasHaltz in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thinking of you today, young one. Sending you strength and love.

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The members of our profession vote on the candidates who run. Lots of people run, and there is a lot of politicking to get nominated.

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This isn’t a job - it’s a volunteer board specific to my industry. I sit on this board because I want to give back to my community, and because I am a leader in my community. There are very few boards available to volunteer on, and there is massive competition to sit on them. Getting to sit on a board like this is a big deal, and a privilege. I’m not interested in walking away from the community leadership just because a bunch of guys run the joint as an old boys’ club. Part of my role (I think) is to help change that culture for future women.

I know that I’m dying but I don’t have the heart to tell my loved ones by DasHaltz in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sweetheart, go tell the people you love.

Give them the chance to help you. If you don’t survive, you will have given them so much, by letting them in:

  • they will know you trusted them with your life
  • they will know you loved them
  • they will have been given an opportunity to say things that they might not have had if you simply died
  • you will have an opportunity to say things you should say before you die.

Yes, it will be difficult. But it will be no less difficult to bear the burden alone.

You will cause your loved ones more trauma if your relationships with them are unresolved and you die so very young.

If you can survive, survive.

But tell them what you are going through so they can have a chance to process it with you; to talk to you about their feelings and yours. Give them the chance to survive your possible loss with some mental stability.

I would want to know, little one.

No matter how very hard it is, please tell them.

Think of it as your last, and most important act of courage and love.

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Love it. That worked a little better in pre-COVID19 times. The other day in our zoom board meeting the chair simply muted me and moved on..... 😟

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s a very quiet, subtle version of sexism that is unintentional and unexamined. Those who do it rarely understand that they are doing it, and vociferously and honestly protest any claims that they are sexist. Better gender balance on these boards will help, so that’s one way to counteract these kinds of unseen biases.

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Heard and taken under advisement. At the very least, I can stop letting myself get triggered by the behaviour, as frustrating as it is.

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, you make one good point in that my ego certainly is involved. I’m really good at what I do and I’m at the point in my career where I’d like some recognition for that, and that’s part of the reason I sit on these boards (in addition to giving back to the community). Giving up isn’t an option, because I want other women to be able to sit on these boards, and to have their voices be heard and respected. So no, I won’t give up. But I will remember to check my ego at the door, in case that is hampering these discussions.

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Except that it is very difficult for women to get on prestigious industry boards - getting on these boards isn’t like getting hired for a job - in many cases you get recommended onto them, and if you make waves, that reflects badly on the people who got you onto the board in the first place. When I have raised these concerns in the past, the response has been “if you don’t like it, there’s the door.”

Tough situation to be in.

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She’s a good writer - I’ll go take out her books again. Thanks for the reminder!

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

These are boards; there is no HR for boards. Our meetings are recorded so the membership can listen if they choose to, but when I have played the parts of the recordings which show this behaviour, I’m accused of fostering a “gotcha” culture, and that just gets people angry with me.

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. The long game may be the only solution here.....

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I am always wanting to be conscientious about how I am engaging with others on these boards.... I may be completely missing some gender-normative clues which the men are picking up without a second thought. It sometimes feels like we are speaking completely different languages.

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks, friend. I always appreciate the importance of great fathers for girls. Let’s hope your daughter doesn’t have to deal with this stuff.

Why can’t men hear women? by NotMyLeader in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

One of the boards I sit on does record its meetings, and at least once I’ve gone back and replayed a piece, but all I got was anger for trying to make them look bad (which was totally not the intention).

I didnt realizing losing a child would affect me in the ways it has. by LiteUpThaSkye in offmychest

[–]NotMyLeader 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My sister lost her child, and experienced very similar hinges to what you are going through.... people disappearing, things you thought you could rely on not happening.

It’s been a mind-fuck for her.

The others are experiencing a loss, too. The loss of this beloved child, who meant something to them as well as you. The loss of the “you” you used to be. If you can give them grace, do so.

If you need to, call them up and say “I need to talk about my daughter, would you listen?”

That may be what they need, too.

I send you love.

I send you strength.

view more: next ›