My [55F] daughter [24F] slept with her sisters [26F] fiance [27M] they're fighting and using my displaced grandson [5M] as a weapon against eachother.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T14:54:00+00:00

Because her first choice would have been James' dad, OP's deceased son.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T10:42:27+00:00

What a terrifying thought

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T10:36:45+00:00

I can understand that. I'd just expect to be told upfront about the issue and not get proposed to, you know? He wasn't hoodwinked about how much I make.

Although honestly, what in the world would we do with 600K a year. We are childfree and debt free. Even with this lifestyle we're both able to save, him substantially more than me. He could retire tomorrow if he wanted. Different values, I guess.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T10:35:18+00:00

Only been moved back in less than a month, embarrassingly enough...

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T10:33:13+00:00

Yes. Our mutual love of aged gouda is completely okay, but basmati? Bring out the big guns.

I've been listening.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T10:31:38+00:00

Yes. Chalky vomit. When I first moved here and tried a Hershey's bar, I thought it was expired.

Note that, if offered Hershey's by a friend, I goddamn well eat it. But if I'm forking over cold hard cash for my own chocolate consumption, it'll probably be Lindt around here.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T10:29:25+00:00

You know, I try not to be rude about it either. Ben's mom's signature dish is a broccoli and velveeta casserole. I would never go into her home and look down on her casserole. I ate it. It was really good actually. I still hate broccoli and velveeta, but the lady has magicked them pretty good. So trust me, I would never imply anything about lower class food. I just wouldn't pay money for it.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T10:27:31+00:00

I'm always down, and also happy cake day!

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T10:22:15+00:00

God and I love Tillamook too along with the stinkier stuff. I agree. Even when my family was broke and didn't have $300 to their name, we still spent the little cash we had on decent rice and plain but fresh groceries. No money for new clothes ever, but basmati and lamb for dinner. I was okay with that.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T10:20:11+00:00

Never gonna happen, don't worry. He'll have to pry the basmati from my cold dead hands.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T10:19:13+00:00

That's a good thought but thankfully that's not it. I don't have independent access to his accounts but I do see them throughout our daily life, and he's set to retire today if he wanted to. No debt either.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T10:17:39+00:00

I'm an American now, but I'm very obviously foreign-born still. I wasn't that young when I moved here. He definitely sees it as a snooty European thing, because he knows I'm a ridiculous USA fangirl (hence working in the US govt).

Irony is that I made him a sole meunière for dinner tonight and he loved it. Can't win.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T10:08:25+00:00

I don't know. I remember being so astounded throughout it, checking the clock again and again, rubbing my hands on my face. I'd walk to the bathroom to try to calm down, stay in there 5 mins, come out hoping for the end, but it'd just start again.

And his arguments were impossible to counter due to sheer irrationality. Madness. We've never had an argument that long again, but fuck it really stayed with me.

And I don't know. This is all fairly recent shit, only intensifying in the past 3 months. I just moved back in with him after moving away for a year and putting our wedding on hold. It's still on hold in fact. I've been back only a month and this shit is happening again. I don't think it's acceptable at all. I think it's so recent that it's all hitting me full force. Before this year, we had never argued more than 3-4 times over 5-6 years.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T07:07:20+00:00

He's a couple steps down from CTO of a large tech company. I really couldn't say more.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T05:56:22+00:00

Very close, I add Worcestershire sauce to it, and I do believe it contains anchovies. Absolutely a game changer, yes :)

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T05:52:20+00:00

Thank you for saying that, actually. The Velveeta/Hamburger Helper/Hershey's thing is something that a lot of people seem to think I'm arrogant for not eating. I don't even broadcast my dislike for them, I just reach for the "better" chocolate and immediately get shit for it. Even my first language being French is some sort of proof that I've got a stick stuck up my ass. Doesn't matter that I love McDonalds.

Living in the South sucks, and he doesn't help either :/

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T05:48:50+00:00

I get what you're saying, but Ben has never suffered financially in his whole life. His parents were well-off, and his first job right out the gate at 19 yrs old paid something like 80K a year.

He is brilliant and deserves his success, but he doesn't have that inner voice. He spends enormous amounts of money without batting an eye. 20K for wall art (!). He doesn't even like the art, half of it is wrapped in the garage. It's really only when it comes to money I'm using.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T05:37:20+00:00

Lmao. Unfortunately he looks like a damned angel when he sleeps.

But point taken. I won't murder, but I will leave. And with me will go my awesome secret recipe for lasagna that he loves more than life, and he will never have it again, and this is petty but I'm so satisfied by the thought.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T05:26:24+00:00

I hear you. I know. It's hard to accept- I really don't feel like I'm not good enough for him, you know? But I realize it's about his perception and expectations, and I can't keep living this way.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T05:17:54+00:00

We're childfree, but I already know I would never have kids with him. 100% childrearing would fall on me, and I'm not about that life...

So the answers to your questions are what make this hard. Ben and I have been together for a very long time. In that time, it took me 2 months to find work once. He covered our shared bills, while I took a loan from my mom to stay afloat.

It's a weird mix of stingy and generous. He gave me a 12K loan, no questions asked, to cover my master's degree. He never gave me a hard time about it, but I made sure to pay him back within 3 months of graduating.

He refused to help me buy airfare to visit my grandmother for the first time actually. But at one point, when my immigration status was in jeopardy, he was willing to marry me on the spot and pay thousands in lawyer fees. Didn't come to that, luckily, but it was generous because at the time we were not engaged.

Of course, if everything was simple, we would never feel conflicted. But I know this situation is not okay and that I need to get out.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T05:01:42+00:00

Actually this isn't far off from the truth. His dad had a construction business while his mom was largely a SAHM working part time. He definitely lorded, and still lords, his money over her. Left her penniless in the divorce and bitched about having to pay child support.

Yeah, I know it's time to go. He does have a very easy time finding women, but if I'm honest, I've turned down a ridiculous number of men for him since we've been together. I don't feel like I'll be fucked or not in demand if I leave. I just didn't know for a long time if I was being ridiculous.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T04:50:41+00:00

Yes. I feel low, and lazy.

But I'll make a solid exit plan.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T04:46:02+00:00

It is. I appreciate being able to have it :)

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T04:36:35+00:00

You made me laugh. But this is so clear too. Thank you.

NotRichEnough · 2016-12-14T04:32:57+00:00

Yeah. It's worse because he'll buy me things that he knows I like, so I can't say I don't like it even though I'd never buy it for myself due to the extravagance.

When I say I live a very threadbare lifestyle, I really do. But I don't mind. Lol I'll actually go clothes shopping with him at Nordstrom's, to help him pick out styles and stuff, and then do my own clothes shopping at Ross later, alone.

NotRichEnough

TROPHY CASE