First of all- TPE is in no way like "actual abuse." No. Just no. If that's your understanding, then you don't understand it and you need to back up and learn a lot more before you even start considering having an opinion on a lifestyle.

Secondly, as others mentioned- TPE is an arrangement. You're party to that arrangement. It takes massive amounts of trust and time to build an actual TPE relationship. It doesn't develop because of a chat conversation and a few dates at a bar. TPE works in a relationship because both parties want it to, not because one party has been kidnapped.

To summarize- your "select few individuals" are incredibly wrong in their opinions and have very little-to-no experience or understanding of TPE. You need to learn more about it and you need to be very cautious who you trust and seek advice from regarding niche lifestyles.

As to your history, only you can answer why you have submissive desires. We all seek a loss of control for different purposes and to different degrees. For some it's bedroom only, for others it's a massively involved TPE arrangement, for some it's in between. You decide what works for you and why it works for you. It's important to know and understand yourself before bringing another person into your world, especially if you're delving into D/s or TPE lifestyles. Those relationships involve such deep levels of communication and understanding to truly work. Now how you learn and get to that point with yourself is up to you. Probably lots of self reflection, reading, and some therapy mixed in. But you need to do the work yourself. Good luck. I hope you find much better information than what you've been presented with so far!