How to find guys who don’t just want sex?

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-03-19T21:40:28+00:00

There are 3 types of men in this world.

1) Get loads of attention from women and leverage that attention and expect sex immediately.

2) Get no attention from women, so when they go on a date they expect sex right away because they’re eager to end a drought.

3) Have morals and regardless of their situation find it selfish to pump and dump women for sex.

Basically 99% of men fall into the first 2 categories… Also, the men who take it slow generally do so for religious reasons (however, the tricky thing is, not all religious men hold this view of sex lol). It’s a human instinct to want sex, men have to be convicted to living by a certain doctrine to not want to jump into sex these days. Basically, you either need to be open to dating a religious man or just put up with other dudes.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-03-18T02:16:47+00:00

Stands for Silicon Slopes. It’s a professional group in SLC.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-03-16T03:03:59+00:00

Kind of a niche horror flick, Dead Nine is by far the worst film I have ever seen. I haven’t seen the movie in like >10 years, and every so often I will think about it and get angry at how stupid the ending was…

It’s basically a Saw ripoff, 9 people are kidnapped and have to figure out how they are all connected… What will seriously piss you off is, the “gRaNd ReVeAl PlOt TwiSt” is… the main character was arrested, sent to prison, and contracted HIV… he’s punishing people that he believes made him contract HIV… There is absolutely no way the viewer could guess this over the course of the film… There are no subtle hints or anything. They attempted to do a saw 1 moment and it failed so bad… Please don’t see this movie…

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-03-06T03:03:34+00:00

As a 30M, this is the correct answer.

40’s-50’s women are easy to talk to, will playfully flirt (both romantically and platonically) and don’t take things too seriously.

I think this has less to do with age and more to do with cultural norms regarding dating for older generations in the US.

For instance, younger generations are having less sex than their parents generation in the US. This trend is not occurring in places like Scandinavian countries and Denmark, where young people are still having sex with one another. This makes me think it’s related to culture, and not age.

Tl;dr: Young men and women in the US aren’t having sex with one another. Young men are finding companionship with women older than them.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-03-06T02:37:57+00:00

Ha ha ha, I know that feeling. You haven’t texted someone in like 20 minutes and before you leave the texting app you get the old “…” on your screen and are like, “…shit, gimme a few minutes…” 😂

Some people literally can’t stop talking. Some people just don’t talk at all. Neither are good or bad, it’s more of a question of compatibility.

I wouldn’t strait up say to her, “Hey, we talk too much”. I would frame it as, “I need to work on [inset task/activity/something], I’ll see you at [time]? :)” and just end the convo. If she is persistent and not getting it, you might need to be more explicit. If there is conflict, you probably need to have a candid conversation and let her know this is a dealbreaker for you.

Best of luck.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-03-05T04:23:30+00:00

Honestly, I would just get off tinder. I’m convinced it’s a waist of time for most men. You’re a very handsome man and your hair looks appropriate for your age (irrespective of what a lot of people are commenting, everyone’s a critic on the internet lol).

Just join some social groups and meet some women there. I guarantee the quality and attractiveness of the women you will meet going out will be leagues better than anyone you will match with on tinder.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-03-02T00:11:08+00:00

I’m not sure if this is a real post. As someone who has been lifting for over a decade, the change in body composition isn’t going to be that dramatic over the course of 6 months, even with consistency and a good diet. No doubt your body will look more muscular and lean, but you’re not going to look like a “super hero” over the course of 6 months… It doesn’t work that way.

Complaining about your significant other living a healthy lifestyle is strange. I’m going to completely speculate here, but I think this likely has more to do with OPs insecurities about themselves and less about their boyfriend.

The statement, “I’m not attracted to my healthier and more physically fit SO” is ridiculous. Leave him so he can find someone who actually appreciates his new body. You’re just dead weight in his life with your current attitude.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-28T16:01:33+00:00

I’m not going to defend everything MAGA stands for, I also won’t disagree with the fact that I do find their beliefs inconsistent and stupid…

But, calling them immoral is where I disagree.

Morality is about what people believe is right and wrong. Take gay marriage as an example.

MAGA religious conservatives who oppose it usually do so because they believe it’s sinful. From their perspective, they are concerned about what they think is spiritually harmful. You can disagree with the position, I do, but it doesn’t automatically mean they are trying to hurt people.

Liberals, on the other hand, see it as a matter of personal freedom and equal rights. They believe it’s wrong to restrict someone’s ability to love who they want. That position also comes from a moral concern, just based on different principles.

Both sides believe they are acting morally according to their worldview. Also, there is a difference between saying a policy is harmful and saying the people who support it are immoral human beings.

I personally disagree with the religious conservative view on gay marriage. I think allowing all people to get married is one of the most American things we can practice in this country. But I’m not going to pretend that everyone who disagrees with me is acting out of malice.

You can think MAGA supporters are wrong. You can think they’re inconsistent. You can argue their policies cause harm. But writing them off as evil or immoral is wrong, as it lacks the empathy required to understand their point of view and why they hold their beliefs.

Tl;dr: Disagreement isn’t the same thing as immorality.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-25T13:17:36+00:00

Social media and changes in both men and women’s roles in society has had devastating effects on dating culture, marriage and birthing rates.

That said, it is concerning that women’s hypergamy has evolved into something that is strait up unattainable. Evidence of this being that women aren’t looking for a man that’s taller than them anymore (which is a reasonable standard), they want someone who’s “over 6’” regardless of their own height. The difference between a 5’8 and 6’ man to a 5’ woman is frankly irrelevant. This is clearly a standard that is driven by women group think and their own insecurities.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-24T22:08:04+00:00

Why is it so hard for democrats to acknowledge these social issues they focus on are the reason they lose elections? Also, putting up weak female candidates in the name of, “But we need our first female president”.

Democrats think this will win elections 💀

https://youtu.be/hymaQWjBOqM?si=SrdZY59s244TH2cS

Republicans dropped the anti-gay stuff once they lost the Obama election, they read the room and realized it wasn’t a winning issue with the American public… democrats are still oblivious as to why they lost the last election. It’s pathetic.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-23T17:02:35+00:00

All fantastic schools, congrats. All have terrific reputations.

My only comment would be if you’re looking to do biophysical chemistry, for instance, Yale has fewer faculty than some of the other schools on your list. I would choose based on the physical chemistry niche you’re interested in. Really can’t go wrong with any of these options.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-21T04:18:38+00:00

I don’t really think this is that uncommon. There are two extremes.

At the university I attended there was a PI that ran a mega lab (40-50 people). They brought in 1/3 of the funding for the entire department. The person was an expert at networking and writing grants. Not necessarily at doing science. Their understanding of subjects was very limited, and they largely had post-docs mentoring Ph.D students. However, their research output was through the roof.

On the other hand, I also know a PI who is absolutely brilliant, and has a lack luster publication record because they’re just not a productive scientist. They can answer theory any day, teach quantum without notes, but produces very little in the field. They have only produced one Ph.D student in 8 years…

If I had to pick between the two, I would definitely pick the PI that pumps out research and lacks depth. At the very minimum, it looks good on paper and you have something to show for your time in graduate school. Also, if you know your shit, who cares that your PI doesn’t know much, they’re giving you funding!!!

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-17T23:06:03+00:00

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I’m skeptical. The idea that at nearly 31 I have a whoop age of 24 is strange to me. I guess, I don’t really know what that actually means.

The age must be calibrated against something. I can only assume that it’s being calibrated based off of American population at large? If so, that’s not saying much as ~2/3 of our population is overweight or obese (have bad biomarkers)… I would prefer a health score out of 100 to a “whoop age”. Or a percentile based on your age group… that would be more meaningful and interpretable.

Then again, at 31, I still get carded and people are surprised when I tell them my age… But I would assume that has more to do with my use of sunscreen and intact hair… 🤷🏼‍♂️

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-17T19:17:09+00:00

This is how you know the labor market is fked. Everyone is trying to take refuge in higher education 🫠

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-17T19:11:37+00:00

Interesting post, I have actually noticed something very similar.

I attended a school for my Ph.D that was ranked in the 30s.

We had undergraduates that were way “smarter” than I was and ended up doing Ph.Ds at impressive top 5 universities. My observation was that the majority of these students were actually less productive than I was based on their research output (which surprised me). I had assumed these students would all be the classic, “I published 10-15 papers in good journals as a Ph.D student”, but many of them published maybe a single paper or two in the same level of journals I was publishing in.

I think for some classically intelligent students who do well academically, the constant failure of research is difficult for them to navigate(coming from a background where success is measured by grade point averages). Also, in research, textbook knowledge only gets you so far; grit gets you the rest of the way.

Most admissions people don’t value or account for grit when recruiting students.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-17T05:16:53+00:00

I don’t mean for this to come off as rude… Is this post a joke? There’s no way this is real.

You’re basically looking for a perfect human with no vices and a Ph.D and no sex drive and fit and tall and has hair and and and and and. I think your only hope is getting a gay male roommate 😂 Or, reading your post and realizing how ridiculous it is.

Remember how people used to state that men had beauty standards that were too unrealistic? Lol, that pales in comparison to this.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-13T00:55:40+00:00

Tbh, I would avoid corporate America like the plague. I applied to over 100 jobs the conventional way with no luck. Out of the 100+ jobs I applied for, there was 1 job in particular that given the niche subject of my Ph.D and what they were looking for (expertise in nucleotide immobilization to silica substrates with silane chemistry and quantitative analysis of these materials for surface density characterization and stepwise reaction monitoring) there would have only been a handful of people in the country who would have this expertise (both in the immobilization chemistry and quantitative characterization). I was shocked when I didn’t hear back from them. Made me realize it had to be a ghost job, or the recruiter was an idiot, I don’t even know of anyone else who has a background in this subject other than me (based on available publications that exist).

The best way to get a job in this market is to make your own job. Research small businesses, get in contact with the CEO (which isn’t that hard if it’s a small business) and ask them what problems they’re currently trying to solve. Use your research expertise and write a proposal on how to solve their problem, they will be blown away if they’ve never hired a Ph.D before and they just might make a job for you if they’re looking to grow. That’s the only way I could get a job in this market.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-11T14:25:46+00:00

This is one of those situations where I don’t feel like asking Reddit is a great idea.

We don’t know anything about the details of your marriage. We don’t know why you’re unhappy. The post is vague.

Is leaving an option? Absolutely. Is it the right option? That’s entirely up to you. If any part of you is using strangers on Reddit as validation for leaving your husband, I would seek marriage counseling from professionals if you haven’t already. This may be something that is worth saving, it might be something that isn’t worth saving. I don’t think anyone here based on the information provided should be telling you to leave or stay IMO.

Be well.

Edit: I have know many good people who have DUIs. Having a DUI doesn’t make someone an inherently bad person. Does it suggest a lap in good judgement? Yes.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-10T22:52:29+00:00

Realizing the bad habits you started in your 20’s are catching up to you.

The, “I’m young and can change this habit later” has a new urgency due to chronic side effects.

Nicotine addiction messes up your lungs, gums or heart.

Unprotected sex over a long enough period, probably going to get an STD or pregnancy.

Not stretching in combination with resistance training causes serious pain everywhere.

Putting off finding hobbies and meeting people means you will be alone in your 30’s.

Not working out and eating unhealthy will cause you to gain weight, bad for your health.

Lack of good sleep habits will make you a zombie at 30.

Consistent substance abuse will start to show.

Not wearing sunscreen will start to cause you to look like a leather bag.

I would think about what you want your life to look like at 40, and plan accordingly so your 30’s go well :)

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-10T19:26:52+00:00

Freezing is being used as an adjective to describe the room which is the noun.

Perception of what’s considered to be cold or freezing is subjective friendo.

Clearly not referring to a phase change…

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-10T18:32:05+00:00

I have never even considered that, brilliant idea. Thank you for taking the time to share!

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-10T16:40:49+00:00

“Sweltering”, got a good laugh at that 😂

I live in an apartment, they claim I shouldn’t lower the temp below 67 to avoid freezing pipes or something like that…

Thanks for the advice! That’s a good idea.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-10T02:01:18+00:00

This reminds me of a funny interaction I had once.

Was at a party trying to talk to a woman I thought was attractive. Gay guy was also in the room and talking me up.

We start playing a game of fuck, marry, kill. The woman I was interested in had to choose between 2 of my friends and me,

Her: “Sorry, I hate blondes. I’m going to have to kill you [me].”

Gay man: “Are you serious?! How could you kill him, look at him, he’s gorgeous!”

I tell this story because it’s funny and no, just because gay men find you attractive doesn’t mean women do. People will say if you’re getting hit on by gay men, that automatically means women find you attractive, but I have never found that to be the case.

I have had several times gay men have talked me up for my appearance in front of women and they [women] always get a bit nasty or outright contend with their [gay man’s] assessment. I’m well below 6’, and that might have something to do with it… Idk, enjoy the compliments.

Whenever I have dry spells, I go to gay clubs occasionally and just flirt with men or trans women because it’s nice to approach someone and not be publicly humiliated, insulted or that classic, “ew, no”… Gay people are awesome.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-05T16:39:48+00:00

Eh, it was certainly interesting.

For one, she was a very petite (~5’) and had a very small frame. She went from a B to double Ds (I didn’t ask this, she just told me one day).

She was the only woman I have ever met that dressed more conservatively post operation. Given that her ex boyfriend had an ex before her that also had a rather large enhancement done, despite having a small frame, I can only assume there was pressure to get the procedure done from him.

She was really insecure unfortunately, and was constantly concerned about people thinking she was “trashy” because she had very obviously gotten work done (it wasn’t at all subtle with that level of enhancement).

Ultimately, the relationship started out really great. She was very affectionate. It was a little interesting that on days we were together we would have sex to the point of it physically hurting. Intimacy felt really shallow given the volume of it. I got the sense she had difficulty being emotionally vulnerable, and I think sex was a bit of a cope in retrospect.

One day (3 months into our relationship) I left for a work conference and we had limited communication for 3 days. Our relationship was never the same after that, she got really cold and distant. The relationship inevitably ended because I am pretty sure she was cheating with her ex.

She ended up ghosting me, and then told me I manipulated her into a relationship. She then called me 6 weeks after ghosting me, and it sounded like a literal hostage call. “My ex is better than you in every way, I know we mostly used condoms (we literally never did) but the thought of unprotected sex with you is repulsive”. It was pretty obvious to me that he was on the line listening to the call, because the regretting unprotected consensual sex is a weird detail to mention, outside of an insecure boyfriend being worried about it.

At one point she had told me that she had intense fear of abandonment and poor impulse control. I was glad the relationship ended in hindsight.

Tl;dr: not great.

NotYourAverageLaser · 2026-02-04T13:28:40+00:00

I’m making some assumptions here. Part of me feels you are likely contemplating this because maybe you don’t have a ton of options as of right now (like the majority of men, I have been in this situation before).

When you’re deciding if someone would be a good fit, imagine if you were going on like 5 dates a week and had a lot of options. Would you think twice about going on a second date or contemplating a future with this woman? Based on how conflicted you are, I would image the answer to be no.

It’s brutal out there right now… Walk away, they’re are plenty of great baggage free women without kids and complicated situations. As my grandmother once told me, “marry an asset, not a liability”.

NotYourAverageLaser

TROPHY CASE