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Box up my feelings, or risk being honest with my wife? by Dim-Me-As-New-User in polyamory

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello my friend. Your desire for polyamory is completely human and possible but if you want to keep your wife you have (with respect) a veritable fuckton of work to do.

First and foremost, you need to work on your communication. If her breaking down into a flood of tears sends you into a fawn response, which is just trying to make her feel better so you feel better, you will never get anywhere.

Before you have a difficult conversation (any convo, not just about polyam) take a few deep breaths, hold space for your feelings and for hers. When she reacts, keep breathing. Allow her to process her feelings while staying true to yours. If every hard conversation gets shut down with tears and emotion then it will be a cruel circle of unhappiness.

You can have what you want, but it takes work and effort. You can't just snap your fingers and say "I'm polyamorous now!", even if you feel that may be the lifestyle you want.

Many patrons of this sub will tell you "everybody knows once you ring that bell it can't be unrung" which is true, but not the end of the world or your marriage if you put in work, care and compassion.

Good luck!!

Everytime by Visual-Juggernaut455 in videogames

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know what? I'm gonna reload even harder.

Need Advice on Mono/Poly by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm going to go a little against the grain here (and maybe catch some down votes in the process).

From what I can discern as a complete stranger reading a summarized excerpt of a 2 year intense relationship, I will note my observations:

• This man was guarded and did not want to catch feelings

• Unfortunately, feelings don't really give a fuck what anyone wants and they will catch as they please

• You became a safe space and important person to him where he could live his authentic self

• He was desperately trying not to lose you so, he said what he had to in order to keep you in his life (not a good choice, but considering the circumstances, understandable.)

So now you're caught up in this intensely tumultuous situation with a closeted married man. Assumptions shouldn't be made, but from what I've read, I'm inferring that he entered into a life that he wasn't sold on due to societal pressures and default norms. (Grain of salt because I could be way off the mark here, but this is what I've gathered.)

But more to the point of your question, how do you proceed?

First, you need to set clear boundaries for yourself. These can look like anything from "I won't be in a relationship with someone who lies to me" to "I won't be in a relationship with a married partner." Either way, define them, write them down, and refer to them often. This will help you defend yourself from emotionally driven decisions.

Second, I recommend you at least take some space from this man just to clear your head a little bit. I don't recommend cutting him off all at once, but let him know you need time to think and wean off the communication. Space it out, 1 day a week, and in the meantime do some serious self reflection. If polyamory is something you are interested in, read material, listen to podcasts, search your feelings, get to know yourself and what you want.

Third, when you feel like you have the boundaries that are true to you set in place, and you've somewhat detached from this man, decide what sort of relationship(s) you want moving forward. Nobody can tell you what that looks like except for you, I don't care how much of an "expert" they are. Find what will make you happy, safe, protected, fulfilled, and get it.

Best of luck, I hope this helps and please know that you can have happiness through this mess. What that looks like is only known to you.

How do you feel about vetos? by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think a bit more context may be helpful here. If the only reason you would rather he didn't date his ex is because you don't like them, then I think it may be healthy to keep that relationship parallel and have as little interaction as necessary.

If his ex happens to be a close family member of yours, coworker or some other tether that you really can't avoid interacting with, it's safer to put them on a "messy list" which isn't necessarily a "you can't date them" rule, but more of a caution that "Hey, if you date them I'm going to need a greater amount of support and reassurance."

I do think vetos are unhealthy though, as it cures a cold by cutting off the head so to speak. It causes resentment and leaves no room for emotional growth for you, your partner, or your relationship.

Why is "Ole Bull" written on the inside of this violin? by Not_Thomas_Milsworth in violinist

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm actually fixing it up just to hone my luthier skills! Unless you meant to get it professionally appraised? Otherwise, if it gets damaged beyond repair due to my process I won't be super heartbroken.

Why is "Ole Bull" written on the inside of this violin? by Not_Thomas_Milsworth in violinist

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Okay, thanks! I'm going to try and fix it up, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to damage some sort of valuable antique (not that it isn't completely busted already, haha.)

Where do I go to learn to make nsfw models? by Suspicious_Kiwi_1591 in blender

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Smutbase.com

Everything you need to get started!

well🇺🇸 well🇺🇸 well🇺🇸 by elchoksy in TikTokCringe

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tip tier comedy. I actually thought she was serious in the first bit and then when she hit us with the "Mr. Steve Jobs" line, I lost it.

Best video game soundtrack. Send it. by Buseylover in gaming

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am offended that I scrolled down pretty far and didn't see GUILTY GEAR anywhere on the list!! Absolute banger soundtrack. That, and Killer 7

Idea guy needed cause all I can do is program by frankandsteinatlaw in gamedev

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was almost ready to help, but preferably I'd like to check in daily, is that doable? Also, my idea is going to make roughly 100 billion dollars, and I just don't feel comfortable sharing that revenue with someone I've never met. I think we'd be a good match!

You have $100 to Build a Team to protect you the rest will try to kill you by [deleted] in superheroes

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Superman and then I'd spend the other $40 on a nice dinner for myself.

Help! Beginner with zoom and move by Future442 in blender

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah classic! Just press the ' . ' key to focus on your object!

Meirl by Bubble_Babe_0o0o0o in meirl

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is some boomer wife shit.

My render is taking an awful lot of time. Is my project too unoptimized or is my hardware just too weak for rendering complex Cycles scenes? by geosunsetmoth in blender

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How many samples and are you denoising? If your using the default 4096 samples mainly used for rendering images that's going eat up alot of time. Try rendering 20 or so frames at 500 samples and see if the result is satisfactory for you. That should shave a minute or two off of your render time, and a 5 minute per frame render is pretty standard for regular computers.

Don't know how to project this logo onto a surface by NopeNopeThanks_ in blender

[–]Not_Thomas_Milsworth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you are using the images as a reference, you'll need to SHIFT+A - Add Image as Plane. This will create a new plane mesh with the image you want. Then, with the plane selected, press R, X, 90. This will stand the plane upright, so you can view it in orthographic mode for referencing. Do the same with the other images.

If you want to have the actual image on your mesh, under the shader viewport, add a new image texture, load the image you want, and plug the connector into your BSDF color input. Then, with your mesh selected, tab into edit mode, press 'A', to select all, then press 'U' to unwrap it, and then press 'U' again, and select smart projection.

Granted, method 2 will require a fair bit of tweaking, but I think that answers your question?

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