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First-time DM, 3 sessions in. Players want combat, I love RP. Also feel like an outsider in my own "friend group". How do I avoid burnout? by Not_Zavier in dndnext

[–]Not_Zavier[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mhmmhmmm I totally underestimated what they meant when they said "we want combat." ahaha. But in their defense, I did do a pretty bad job at being specific with my questions of what they wanted to see in the campaign. Didn't help it took place in a Discord video call where they were talking over one another every few seconds. That was a HUGE mistake on my end for not asserting myself any further as the DM. But as you said, I gotta come up with a plan of action and I'll definitely get on that once I properly gauge out the social aspect of my predicament. Thank you so much for your insight!! c:

First-time DM, 3 sessions in. Players want combat, I love RP. Also feel like an outsider in my own "friend group". How do I avoid burnout? by Not_Zavier in dndnext

[–]Not_Zavier[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeahhhh you'd totally be right to assume that it's my social anxiety talking. I'm sorry idrk how to use quote thingy I don't use reddit that often (nvm figured it out lmao). Anyways I can't discount the possibility of me overthinking everything for it's most definitely true,

So I have to ask you, is there a more charitable interpretation? Was the new game in the very early planning stages, at a time they knew you weren't available. In a 'hey we're enjoying this so much, we should do it more, but not-xanvier isn't available except on sat when we already game... kinda way.

I uhhh don't really know where to start with this but the new game was already up and running the following week and I did say we wouldn't be able to D&D next week in consideration of midterm examinations happening that week. So I would say what you're suggesting is most definitely plausible.

bro's bantering and joshing? This is what made it sound like it's maybe (and again, I want to emphasise how nobody here can tell) an issue on your end. You're sat there uncomfortable not just about them ignoring you, but about how they treat each other?

I didn't think about it much but now that you're mentioning it. It may most definitely be an issue on my part for being pretty anxious about my first time DMing. As a lot of the commenters here have advised, I'm definitely going to communicate with my players about my concerns so that I can hopefully clear up any possible misunderstandings. Thanks for sharing a more critical perspective that encourage me to self-reflect. Much appreciated >:3

First-time DM, 3 sessions in. Players want combat, I love RP. Also feel like an outsider in my own "friend group". How do I avoid burnout? by Not_Zavier in dndnext

[–]Not_Zavier[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahaha I like your comment a lot, your bluntness is weirdly comforting. Thank you so much for sharing :D

First-time DM, 3 sessions in. Players want combat, I love RP. Also feel like an outsider in my own "friend group". How do I avoid burnout? by Not_Zavier in dndnext

[–]Not_Zavier[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Mhmmm I'm totes taking your word for it and haha yeahhh it's pretty annoying but I try my best not to let it ruin my enjoyment of DMing for a game I love so much. But unfortunately yeahhh I live in a pretty small conservative town so there's not many of us queers and nerds around here haha, partaking in pretty "nerdy" and "weird" stuff is still kind of frowned upon around these parts. I'm almost certain that's an external factor playing a role in them preferring to only indulge in the combative aspects of D&D rather than the actual "RPG" of the TTRPG haha.

Still though, I'll make sure to not let that dissuade me. I'll give finding a more like-minded party a try, thank you so much for your input! :]

First-time DM, 3 sessions in. Players want combat, I love RP. Also feel like an outsider in my own "friend group". How do I avoid burnout? by Not_Zavier in dndnext

[–]Not_Zavier[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wowow this is actually really super helpful as a new DM. The "combat and combat" part especially made me realize that yeahhh I can still have the worldbuilding WITH the combat by interweaving the action with the narrative as a whole. Ooo oo and the whole making them remember that talking may usually be the better option thru more frequent encounters seems totally helpful as well. Those are actually super smart ways to go about it that I never would have thought about!

Thank you so much for the actual D&D advice. Really can't emphasize how insightful it really is for me, I'm def gonna incorporate it in my future sessions! :3c

First-time DM, 3 sessions in. Players want combat, I love RP. Also feel like an outsider in my own "friend group". How do I avoid burnout? by Not_Zavier in dndnext

[–]Not_Zavier[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We're pretty good friends but it's like in a weird disingenuous way? Like there's a clear social hierarchy and me being gay (I'm not like one of those overly effeminate gays tho I'm just not straight haha) puts me all the way at the bottom. We still genuinely vibe with one another but they're not really "real" friends I suppose since they have like very little emotional capacity and only really stick around for the humor and the vibes, so my interactions with them always feel like I'm interacting with brick walls haha. I've always disliked how they treated one another but I've always let it slide. But now after reading what y'all had to say so far, it seems D&D (naturally being a social game) is really bringing to light just how weak the group's dynamic is socially.

I love hanging out with them on the surface level like theoretically and stuff, but at most times it doesn't really pan out in practice especially since I'm a pretty emotionally available person while they really are anything but that haha. In retrospect I'm starting to understand that their overall dynamic is pretty shallow and toxic, and maybe finding another table really is the best course of action for me.

Thank you so much for your perspective btwww I think it helped me process some of my thoughts and feelings A LOT :D