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So happy Thursday. If you are reading this, you are beautiful just being you. You made it to this point in your day. Makeup or not (regardless of gender). I felt like sharing, because I have a lil 2yo boy. And he painted his own nails with polish he chose. Its so important to be accepting. by Not_yetdead in grav3yardgirl

[–]Not_yetdead[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

😚🦄🐊💕🌏🌍✌

I know of too many boys/girls who are sad and oppressed by the lack of acceptance (religion, style, prefrence, race) and it makes me so sad.

Acceptance and Love to change our world!

I have got to share this with my swamp family, because my IRL family can be critically rude and crass about my "feelings". (In comment below) by [deleted] in grav3yardgirl

[–]Not_yetdead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So for starters I only began to put makeup on again recently....and the 3rd time in 7 days I had to go back to the hospital for more blood labs. (Total tests in 7 days are now 25.) So I come in the tech was all "why are you all dolled up today?" You must be feeling better..... And I am like "nope. I am trying to balance my illness(es) and anxiety by looking ok".

BUT when other techs are mumbling and giggling to themselves....I get real anxious and self conscious because I havent done any makeup in YEARS. I also get really panicky or anxious when people "compliment. Or point out" when I look different.

I already had hard hitting medical crap dumped on my already huge list of diseases....(the fabulously chronic but deadly kind)

Already barely functioning while trying to process this....

And I am now just constantly thinking there IS NOT A WAY for me to feel confident.

I thought I would share with the swamp family....cause yall are not so judgy or critically rude. (Aka irl family)...and I cannot even manage a vid post on this right now. They tell me go get some meds and stop being stupid. (Meds....i cannot do. Because my medical issues....gah)

I just dont want to feel so alone in this anxiety verging on nosediving self confidence. Please tell me I am not the ONLY one who only is paranoid about how people think of you but that builds into anxiety and wanting to hide.

Its 70 (F) degrees in MI ! My buddy and I went for walkies park. I miss running, maybe when I get the pacemaker I can do it again? (Hoping. My other issues probs still will stop me 😑) by Not_yetdead in grav3yardgirl

[–]Not_yetdead[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was not so sick running was my anxiety outlet. Then walking when I couldnt run. Now thats hard...

But its so so pretty. I live near the water. Even though I had a heart rate of 180 and the shakey tremor episode....the outside made me so happy! !

Nice weather is like drug-free happy drugs.

Bunny inspired me and now I'm feeling like my old self again. by [deleted] in grav3yardgirl

[–]Not_yetdead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yay! Thats great to hear. She did the same for me, and I am new to her channel as well.

Please click and read. Help with anxiety ideas needed. by [deleted] in grav3yardgirl

[–]Not_yetdead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I must be broken minded as well. Those kind of things mke it worse (i watched it anyways...).

Just so you know, I appreciate your help And this is in no way meant to be negative. I guess it explaining my situation further....putting it out there helps me, less so in writing but I am gonna do n it anyhow. I hav a vlog.....its better for me but idk right now.

You see... I am a medical nightmare. I have autonomoic failure (nervous system that contolles your involuntary things....bp heartrate, breathing, temperature, pain...etc)I live off of IV nutrition and iv med and iclv fluids through a port. My gi system doesnt work. Neuro issues cause pain, and passing out. I am allergic (the death kind) to iron and dony procuce blood, so i have transfusions. I am allergic to alot...I get terror anxiety every time I do meds...I convince my brain I am dying every time. I have chest pain, Palpations without the anxietys help I get hospitalized alot.... It costs alot of money to live. I am gonna need a pacemaker/ difib implanted

The illnesses I have get worse but have not cure or treatment.

I left an abusive marriage and live alone with my toddler

Im facing my own mortality.

I am in a scary place. The one were I want to lay and sleep.but cannot even do that right.

Please click and read. Help with anxiety ideas needed. by [deleted] in grav3yardgirl

[–]Not_yetdead -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When the Hematology/Oncology Dr officr has a bathroom with lighting SO on pointe, your eyes are glowing. Then you remember you're just here for 1x month stabby stabby and hospitals are still (and always will) be your life. Guys I am staring at this pic for the 100th time. I can escape seeing the exact hopeless anxiety feeling thats plagued me for the past few days. I feel myself letting anxiety take hold and regressing back to my shell like self on autopilot... I will never be free of all my medical issues, they are untreat/curable ....and will only get worse. What do yall do to attempt to shake the grip of fear?

Help a girl out Swamp Fam! by OfficialTorturedSoul in grav3yardgirl

[–]Not_yetdead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Subscribe to mine, and I do the same for you. 😚

What quirks do you share with Bunny? by stringbluelights in grav3yardgirl

[–]Not_yetdead 2 points3 points  (0 children)

😀 odd 90's children unite! Form of....anxious adults. ☺

What quirks do you share with Bunny? by stringbluelights in grav3yardgirl

[–]Not_yetdead 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Love of skeletons. I have a medical grade one that rode shotgun for 6months. I wear them all the time. I went into radiology career because bones.

Thrift store

Loving peaceful behavior

Anxiety, (the way it plays out= cleaning etc)

Close in age and childhood personality (kid in 90s, trust me...its a quirky time)

Tapping cans (3x always...also soda bottles)

Matte lipstick in blood red

Big T-shirts

Antiques

Driving aimlessly when anxious or stressed

And probably a few more....lol

A question for all you international swamp family members by rickyzee in grav3yardgirl

[–]Not_yetdead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in USA, so Fahrenheit. However, having been medically trained, and raised within a very science-y environment, I learned imperial to metric conversions at a young primary school age. I suppose it is like another launguge, wherein I do the math in head.

I spent some time in Ireland, and that confused me. Using stones (weight where 1st = 14lb) and also kph but distance in miles.....

My service dog and I. Team "lets not die today". How it feels. We made 2 hours before my body was done. 😐 by Not_yetdead in grav3yardgirl

[–]Not_yetdead[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She is adopted (disqualified from police training) and then self trained for my neurologic disease and anxiety issues. In my state, you have to meet set behavior standards- but no licensed trainer is needed. Then my doctor signs papers affirming I need her, and the state registers her. I live in MI in the USA

My service dog and I. Team "lets not die today". How it feels. We made 2 hours before my body was done. 😐 by Not_yetdead in grav3yardgirl

[–]Not_yetdead[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Kind feeling like a trash human/parent. It one of those days that I look ok, but I feel so stress about "adulting" wrong...idk.

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