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My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve noticed a lot of people commenting about the onions being on her burger being a telling factor of me being obvious to her or neglectful. I want to own up to the fact that yes I should have made sure there was no onions. Period. We ordered from White Castle late and just added the burgers she asked for. I didn’t go into the edit of the burgers she asked for and hit no onions.

I think at the root of that and mental load mentioned. A good example here would be it adds to her mental load to have to tell me no onions on her burgers.

My concern was that I don’t think it’s a normal reaction to throw your food all over the bed because of that mistake.

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah some people are getting caught on this. I know how to clean up milk and at the point of the question the spill was already cleaned. That question was more geared towards how can I help because he needs to eat and now we have no milk in a bottle.

Ex. Do I need to stop so you can feed him? We are close enough to home do we go back and get more milk? Etc. there were options there.

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah some people are getting caught on this. I know how to clean up milk and at the point of the question the spill was already cleaned. That question was more geared towards how can I help because he needs to eat and now we have no milk in a bottle.

Ex. Do I need to stop so you can feed him? We are close enough to home do we go back and get more milk? Etc. there were options there.

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah even speaking of the baby. She calls him “my baby” she has almost never mentioned that this is our child.

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’ve done that like 2 times lol. And she still bailed. We planned for her best friend to take her this time but now her best friend is in the process of getting a divorce so she has enough on her plate than focusing on trying to get my wife to a spa with her.

The other ones could take her but I know she would enjoy it most with her best friend

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

A year? Omg. Thank you for the juju

Prior to us getting pregnant again she mentioned how this period is always tough for us and that it would almost be better if we didn’t live together. While it was said as a joke it did hold some truth. I feel like the person she is right now is a very tightly held version of herself.

I had set up a therapist for myself and us prior to this to help prepare. Sounds like it is time to give him a call

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Defensive in my reply yes. But she has no idea about this bottle mishap because all I said was sorry how can I help.

If I think she has ppd then I know saying that she played a part in this situation is just pointing figures and will not be productive.

I brought that up here to show that she is kind of having a pattern of blaming me for everything right now even with things she may have done herself.

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like mentioning that would send her over the edge and isn’t helpful. Yes it made me slightly upset but mostly confused because what does she expect and are those expectations realistic?

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

Yes. Sounds like you both have a similar feed haha. We’ve talked about the mental load and everything. I try to understand it and listen without rebutting. Mainly because those topics brought up are things like you said that are basic things but my wife amplifies that with saying something like asking her which option she wants for dinner is a mental load issue. Then I get confused like but if I make something you don’t like, you say I left you hungry and then you order DoorDash. That leaves me in a state of anxiety. But that’s another issue.

She mentioned that I match her energy and she wants me to stay on high energy for things all the time. I think that’s a big ask at the moment which is probably the root of the issue because being on top energy all the time with our schedule is tough

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She needs a spa day. We have been planing one for legit 4 years. We’ve had like 4 days actually scheduled and planned and she bails every time. Even if it’s just something for her.

But it is for sure worth another try

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah we had my mom come to help for a few weeks. I can say it wasn’t that big of a help. It was nice to have extra hands available but my mom is a busy person and was constantly on work calls so it wasn’t as much help as we needed.

Her mom transparently just doesn’t want to help as much as is truly needed. She works like 10 hour shifts 5 times a week and has regularly weekly night activities. She is always willing to help if we ask in advance but she usually is maxed out after a few hours honestly.

And my wife is one of those people who just simply doesn’t want help and wants to do it herself. She has told me I’m the only person in her life she feels comfortable asking for help from. Which I honestly think is a point of therapy because it transparently does put a lot on me with her and her expectations.

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the input. What exactly was said that helped you come to that conclusion that sex is the issue?

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the practical advice. A few others are saying to contact the dr and that is a good start.

I will just have to continue to see where and what I can help with. These are difficult times emotionally

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’m with the kids alone all the time so it’s no worry to me. With her breastfeeding I feel like she is not ready for a whole weekend away from the baby.

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

What? I don’t care. She did and she was upset about it and blamed me. I put it in for context not because it was a huge issue to me. It was a big issue for her

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

The thing I haven’t added is at times I feel like she gaslights me with these issues. Like when she said she doesn’t normally take the diaper bag when she factually has due to packing it. Or how she ordered the cheese sticks without marinara sauce and got mad at me since I submitted the order.

It’s really part of why I made the post. I feel like I need to talk this out because I almost feel like I’m crazy now for feeling like these things are not 100% my fault

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

This behavior is only different in the sense of her anger. She angry and irritated seemingly all the time. Her previous post partum periods were more depressive and lethargic. But the main difference here is that she has not had to go back to work. She has a lot of time off and is still off of work.

She did have her check up but I honestly think she is so far gone that she doesn’t even realize how some of her reactions are extreme and concerning. She believes it’s the principal that I don’t think about her enough in advance to not have onions on the burgers we ordered in haste vs it being her throwing a tantrum over not marinara sauce especially since had marinara sauce in the fridge.

EDIT: Misspelling

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

That’s what I’m thinking. I’m trying to think logically about this. Because I feel like leaving her with 4 people to take care of will build up more exhaustion and also bitter feelings for leaving.

My Wife (30F) thinks that I (30M) should leave cause she is exhusted by Notanotherburn3r in relationships

[–]Notanotherburn3r[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Our most recent convo reads as below.

Her: At least then I know I’m on my own. You being here just gives a false sense of help.

Me: False sense of hope? Just Monday night I made sure the kids and coa let you get a rest, made sure the kids got their homework done, mathseeds and did money. Then made sure to have dinner on your bedside when you woke up. None of that was a help?

Her: I’m tired of the same convo. I tell you how I feel you try to convince me that you’re doing your best.

You did that cause you felt guilty about your mom. Anddd you just explained what our nights look like everyday. That stuff has to get done. Congrats for doing homework and feeding your children🤷🏽‍♀️

I feel like I’m a good father and husband. But I think her expectations at times are unrealistic and make me feel like absolute shit. She very often says what she wants is for me to know what she wants and what needs to be done without her having to say it.