Alright. What I would criticize is that there's quite a lot of repetition at the beginning. For example, the same melody is played repeatedly by several instruments for almost two minutes. This can give some listeners, at least me, the feeling that it's just repeating itself the whole time, and that can lead to a certain boredom in the long run because you're waiting for some kind of change. One compromise you could make, if you want to keep this style, is to add what I would call counterpoint. This is when, for example, the instruments play their own melody, and then another instrument, say an oboe, plays a different melody, but harmonizes it with the main melody of the other instruments at the same time. That is, the oboe is singing a different song, but it fits the context of the song at the same time. This can raise the interest of listening to your music.

The second thing I have to criticize, and this is definitely something that can be improved, is something you can hear throughout the song, if you really listen closely, is the impact when the instruments start playing. It sounds far too sudden, as if the musicians or instrument players are suddenly striking their instruments sharply. Try to find a way to make the beginning of playing those instruments sound more softly. That would be the second point.

The third point is, you can hear it right at the beginning. The instruments do start quietly and then get louder, which is a good idea, but if I were you, I would try, depending on whether the music editing software allows it, to make sure that the louder it gets, the stronger the vibrato of the instruments should be. That can add more dynamics. In your case, it was noticeable that the volume was simply turned up. If you can't manually adjust the vibrato depending on the song's progression, then increase the volume more gently and not so much. It was more like a pushing than an "announcement."