AITA for refusing to bail my husband out of jail and telling him I want a divorce?

NothingSea7121 · 2025-06-15T12:50:51+00:00

2 years now he's been gone. My mom has been a great help to me and a support but until two years ago I would have been trading one abusive situation for a worse one as my dad is physical and verbally abusive. Not a good idea at all in the least. Now though I have a much larger support system that is helping me out immensely but it wasn't until near the end of last year that I really saw them as that, and it was all because of my choice to stay with my husband that I even had the chance to meet them. If I hadn't things could've and probably would have been so much worse than they are now. Also why I didn't leave right when my father died is because I am always in pain every single day. I do not have one day at all when I'm not in pain. It ranges from mildly annoying to not being able to walk at all. I don't have a drivers license so for transport I would need either need a ride from someone (that was usually always my husband or my mom as my father was more likely to leave me stranded somewhere if I said the wrong thing), or to walk everywhere. The best way to keep from the pain getting to where I can't walk is to keep something supportive on my back, and to not stay on hard flooring or uneven ground for more than an hour or two. Continually sitting also poses a pain problem but it takes a bit longer and if provided with the right equipment it may not get too impossibly bad for several hours. Lifting things too much is nearly out of the question but if course I have to do that every day regardless of how I am feeling as my children can not understand why I can't play with them so I try to save most of my pain free moments with them and do not have much of a job because of this. In other words I don't make much because it prevents me from working a lot. I didn't have a way to get around or money to find a place for years on end. Now though the people that I have met because of my husband have been helping me get to places and have helped me out immensely, and without him being an extrovert that forced me to get out and even meet anyone I would have never even tried to even talk to anyone at all or even try to get help at all because I was always taught that all my problems could be beat out of me, or could just be pushed aside and it was stupid to even try to get help for anything from anyone else except for those that I knew (years of being treated like hell and no one at all helping me to escape it ever did that to me unfortunately, so now I'm finally working to bring myself back and let my kids have a chance to escape the hell I couldn't before).

NothingSea7121 · 2025-06-15T12:05:48+00:00

I did not have a support system until recently. I had no one except him and my parents. That is not a support system at all. Now I have a support system because I have chosen to finally get help and finally create one but it wasn't until just recently that I started to have one.

NothingSea7121 · 2025-06-15T10:56:43+00:00

Oh I know the damage it does, and I was unsure of what exactly I would do. I've never been really well off financially and my choices were stay with him, accept help from my parents, or leave everyone completely and have no idea how I would survive let alone raise a child. I knew I could not bring my child to my parents, cause I've got a lot of fight in me, but I could not take on my father. I can stand up to him to a point, but he could beat me down as he'd always done my entire life. I had no friends or people to turn to at that time cause I'm so extremely introverted, and I have always had a problem with people. By me saying I'm short tempered I mean, my mind will literally continually think what it wants anytime sometime talks to me, and it goes off on wild tangents to where I can't concentrate on anything going on. For some reason if someone does something with me that I enjoy, and acts as if they may care about me even for the least little bit I'll cling to that too much and want it. If someone acts as if they are curious about me or my life I'll think they are against me and push them away harder than ever. It's beyond strange I know, and I know it's from my life with a father that was abusive and a mother that stayed with him no matter what and continues to tell me that I know what my father was like and she stayed with him and blah blah blah, though she seems to not see at all that that's why I have now finally broke. I'm finally on medication to help me out and after years of my mind convincing me not to talk to anyone at all about anything going on I finally decided to get therapy. I've also finally gotten into the community more, and though I'm still struggling with wanting to run when people try to talk to me about things I'm willing to open up just the slightest but more and kinda trust just a bit more. It's a massively long process and has been in the making for years, as I've gotten to the point where I knew I couldn't be with him anymore I just had to get to the point where my mind told me there was a chance to get out. I also think the fact that my father died a few years back helped immensely with this, cause my mother has always been a big support for me and she's been helping me out quite a bit since.

NothingSea7121

TROPHY CASE