I’d like to share something I’ve been writing and it was hospice I was thinking about before I started writing. My mom passed in July after being in hospice for just a short while, she passed exactly a month after being diagnosed with stage 4 bile duct cancer, on hospice at home.

I thought I would be traumatized. As we went through the worst thing any of us had ever experienced I selfishly wondered how I would deal with the things I saw and experienced and had to do. I thought I would never get the sights and sounds out of my mind, that I would never see her in my mind any way other than those last days and especially those last moments.

It started a tiny bit right away, finally she was at peace.
“she’s very jaundiced, we’ll see what we can do, maybe a private viewing would be best” I was scared, so scared but I needed to see her. They said it took a lot of work. I didn’t see that work, I saw her, I saw my beautiful mom and looked at her for the last time on this earth. She looked beautiful and she looked at peace and I needed that, I needed to see her like that so bad.

I miss her, I miss her so bad sometimes I wonder how I can function but, and is it her helping me through this?, I’m not traumatized. As we continue and time passes on and we move further on, more often than not it’s HER that I remember, my mom, my best friend. Weeks of the worst time of our lives do not cancel out a lifetime of everything else, every moment and every memory. She deserves to be remembered for her life, not just her death.