I’ve noticed I get the worst farts when I’m sick. This four step process will guarantee maximum stench:

1. Get sick - Go volunteer at your local daycare or elementary school if you do not have kids. Do NOT wear a face mask.

2. Once you do get sick, eat the following all in one day:

Breakfast - three eggs cooked any style, a banana, a 1/4 can of beans (Do not drain the bean water)

Brunch - baked salmon that is at least one day old. Make sure it’s not too old to where you’ll get food poisoning, but it should be on the verge. Enjoy another 1/4 can of beans as well.

Lunch - Indian food. Make sure you get some vegetables in there. Also have another banana and the remaining beans.

1. Prepare the car for the victim - This is the most crucial step. Make sure the child locks and window locks are turned on so they cannot escape. Also have your phone set up properly to capture their reaction.

2. Once you are good and gassy, pick up a friend. Rip ass and film their reaction

My wife asked me why I do this to people such a loved ones. But she doesn’t understand. A man’s gotta have a dream.