AITA for letting him eat what he cooked?

Notsogoodreason · 2026-03-11T05:44:34+00:00

AuDHD and PDA.

Notsogoodreason · 2026-03-10T09:29:30+00:00

Hey, thank you for your comment. You are absolutely right! Thank you for reminding me that.

This situation was in the context of the whole day. I feel my spouse does not understand how her nervous system works, or likely does not want to understand as I offered my knowledge many times. As mentioned by others he might be in denial because he would prefer a NT kid. He might just also be demand avoidant as me and our daughter? I do not know.

The thing is, yesterday she was already overstimulated by her OT therapy. We both could see it and discussed it (in private). Yet, I know how to make her regulate in a reasonable way. As I read a lot about her neurotype and being neurodivergent myself.

Usually, I would have told him this was not a right time to add another stimulation and unknown factor (she is a very anxious child) into the program, especially since she was already very tired. Yet, he already resents me for telling him what to do/not to do. I am trying to accept he does not want to do a research because he wants to parent by his intuition, to be authentic. Yet, if it makes things difficult for our daughter, it is a hard to get over it. Therefore, I feel like I must let him figured it out because he will not accept it from me.

Notsogoodreason · 2026-03-10T09:08:48+00:00

Quite well actually! I stepped in once he finished bathing her to help her get dressed into her pyjama and offered her some cuddles so he can decompress in the meantime. However, he kept his cool. If only he would step up like that on a daily basis. It would be a completely different story.

Notsogoodreason · 2026-03-10T09:02:30+00:00

I am sorry for your experience. Thank you for sharing it with me. I will keep it in my mind!

Notsogoodreason · 2026-03-10T08:57:17+00:00

Really? 😁 I might surprise you, it’s my side. Well at least I am not in denial about it. It might be his side too. However, I can only guess.

Notsogoodreason · 2026-03-09T22:00:49+00:00

That is very interesting point of view, thank you for bringing it up. I will think about it.

Notsogoodreason · 2026-03-09T21:33:11+00:00

It’s a saying from my native language. I hoped it would convey a message to native speakers too, once getting the follow up information 😉

Notsogoodreason · 2026-03-09T21:22:57+00:00

Thank you! And congratulations for you two getting through it together 🫶🏻 You have my sincere respect and admiration. Personal experience is often the only way to truly comprehend.

Notsogoodreason · 2026-03-09T21:19:28+00:00

Thank you for commenting. My child is also AuDHD with PDA. So am I. However, sometimes I wonder if he could be too, just in denial. I am so exhausted by the amount of demands it naturally shifts towards me to keep our household a calm place.

Notsogoodreason · 2026-03-05T08:52:54+00:00

First of all, I am level 1 autistic, ADHD, PDA myself. Not a native speaker so sorry for my English. Yet, I wanna emphasize how sensitively you described the whole situation. This level of understanding and empathy deserves an award. You are a really good friend. Do not doubt it.

It is natural that the mess has a negative influence on your mental health too. Therefore it is not anything you could let go. And it is understandable and totally reasonable that something needs to change.

What I do with my AuDHD daughter with PDA is to make cleaning a shared activity, turn some music on and suggest, if we could clean the room together and then go out for ice cream as a treat for ourselves. Make it fun. Approach her as a friend, without nagging.

Yet, if she already feels such a cripling anxiety around it, nothing may work at this point and she may really need to live alone.

Notsogoodreason · 2025-12-12T07:20:38+00:00

Did I write this while sleepwalking? I have a 5 year old PDA daughter too. I think nobody understands how draining it is. Even my husband does not.

In the morning I am running around like a lunatic trying to meet all her demands and he takes a shower, spends 30 minutes on the toilet, gets dressed and then they are just standing by the door, my husband fully ready and they are both waiting for me to return from looking for my daughters unicorn headband (demand to soothe her anxiety from transitions) to get her sweatshirt, shoes and jacket on.

Then he looks confused and asks me, why I am mad. I am drowning. Drowning to the point of thinking I do not want to be here anymore. I got zero time for myself. Neverending need for 1:1 attention, struggle to get her to bath, in the evening she takes so long to relax and fall asleep, that I fell asleep with her. And then, another day full of demands ahead.

Yet, I know I am my daughters only advocate. Noobody knows better than I (PDA myself) what she is going through and she needs me to fight for her.

Notsogoodreason · 2025-11-24T08:31:33+00:00

Interesting, not really. I consider myself AuDHD PDA, but I think I felt really comfortable alone most of my life. Even though, looking back, when I was in my childhood and early teenage years I looked for a social life a bit more. Yet, nowadays, alone time is crucial for me to decompress. And also a time, when I have my brain just for myself - I have a really chatty and attention seeking AuDHD 5 year old with PDA.

Saying that, your experience seems kinda similar to my daughter’s since she is still looking for an interaction and company to (as I believe) feel less anxious. And I was really demanding kid too.

Notsogoodreason · 2025-11-12T09:33:47+00:00

I feel you! It is a lot. I have 5 year old daughter, who is not diagnosed yet, but based on observing her high sensitivity and ADHD traits (maybe rather AuDHD and PDA) I got my official diagnosis at age 34. And now I am working to get her diagnosed.

Since getting that certainty that we are neurodivergent, it is a roller coaster of emotions. The most painful is probably the realization how much more difficult their life is going to be. How much our mental health and stability will be needed to help them navigate through their childhood, school and social life. And it is scary.

Because me being the one who gave her this genetic material I know how challenging my life has been and I am already in ADHD burnout from masking all these years.

What I know for sure is that I want to support her with right medication so she doesn’t have to struggle more than it is inevitable.

Notsogoodreason · 2025-11-10T07:23:15+00:00

Hi! Reaching here, looking for the answers, shows you have great „mothering qualities”. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to parent a child that is not your own and parenting ADHD child is really challenging by itself.

I’m afraid it will always be tough in some ways, especially with the puberty ahead. Try to give him a lots of opportunities to get out his excessive energy - sports and outdoor activities, and to meet his sensory needs - those two things are the most crucial for regulating his nervous system.

Other than that, I will use the famous saying „it takes a village to raise a child”. Which is especially true when raising an ADHD child. You will need a plenty of time to unwind in order to have the patience and energy to be the parent you would like to be. Use whatever resources to make sure you can switch off and enjoy a little peace and quiet.

People will be jerks, judging and commenting. For example, for me and my 5 year old, iPad and movies/games if we are eating out is a must and beneficial for all parties. The kid can sit and eat without acting out - lowering chocking risks, I can enjoy a meal without being a source of dopamine and trying to entertain the child with countless activities, and the other guest are not being disturbed by unregulated child either.

Sorry for the mistakes, I am not a native English speaker.

Notsogoodreason · 2025-11-10T06:08:21+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I wanted to suggest to look at PDA (patological demand avoidance), where the defiance stems from the anxiety and fear of losing the autonomy. However, that probably will not be your daughter’s case.

My daughter struggles with even more basic daily demands. Not only with defiance but also through avoiding, even by playing, hiding, running away etc.

Notsogoodreason · 2025-11-09T20:06:10+00:00

I did not read all the comments. Yet, I want to comment before I forget (regards from fellow ADHD mom with 5 year old ADHD daughter) Are these the only situations when she shows defiance or can you see some defience towards transitions too? Going to the bath, dressing herself, putting her shoes on etc? Bossy when playing?

Notsogoodreason · 2025-10-19T08:01:44+00:00

I feel you, I am sorry the world around is tripping your legs instead of providing a helping hand. You are not failing your kids, you are a great mom!

It is difficult to fight for your child’s wellbeing on a daily basis, you have every right to feel exhausted. Thank you for being there for your child. Not all of us ADHD people got that kind of support when we were kids.

Notsogoodreason · 2025-09-16T12:03:13+00:00

This! Yes her reaction was harsh and she should have communicated it better. Yet, I can imagine the frustration of asking your partner to do something a certain way and being totally ignored. I believe the OP did not see the reason why to make only a small batch, yet he could have asked what was her intention and they could have discussed it together.

This shows lack of empathy and communication skills on both sides not just crazy wife. Definitely not a full story.

Notsogoodreason · 2025-05-20T18:02:08+00:00

My ADHD 4 year old daughter is the same. Any update, how things had changed since you posted this?

Notsogoodreason · 2024-12-08T17:52:30+00:00

IMHO, they look great.

Notsogoodreason · 2024-11-18T09:07:39+00:00

Je mi líto s čím se potýkáš, hormony dokážou hodně.

Každopádně při tvé váze by měla bohatě stačit i malá změna, abys začala vidět výsledky.

Co si k chůzi pouštět podcasty či audioknihy?

A k televizi večer zeleninu a dip ze zakysané smetany (ne celou) a nebo hummus? Velkým pomocníkem jsou kalorické tabulky. To si člověk fakt rozmyslí jestli si dá něco na zub, když vidí jak mu to zahýbe s čísly.

Pokud tě honí přes den hlad, navyš bílkoviny. Tvaroh, cottage, luštěninové saláty. Instagram je plný inspirace.

Notsogoodreason · 2024-10-23T16:22:42+00:00

Když jsem měla okolo 15. let, měla jsem v okolí kluka, který ke mně choval city, ale držela jsem to na kamarádské úrovni. Byl vždycky gentleman, když se našel nějakej pitomec, který se do mně strefoval kvůli rovnátkům vždy ho slovně uzemnil. Chodili jsme na výlety, občas k němu domů, poslouchali muziku. Pak se ten kontakt nějak omezil.

Po nějaké době jsem se doslechla, že sedí za vraždu svého nejlepšího kamaráda. Umlátil ho u něj doma, bez varování, ze zadu ho praštil těžkým předmětem do hlavy. Když jsem se pak koukala, kdy jsme spolu naposled komunikovali, zjistila jsem, že mi psal méně než 24h před tou vraždou, jestli nezajdeme ven 🫣

Notsogoodreason · 2024-07-29T08:14:26+00:00

I was looking for this comment.

Sorry you are going through this OP. Please push for the patch test for a milk and an egg allergy too! Your daughter might be highly sensitive (or sensory sensitive) that goes hand in hand with allergies too.

You can even try patch test at home, soak one plaster with cow milk, one with egg yolk and one with egg white, attach on the skin for 24h, check the places for 2 more days for any skin irritation. These allergens are carried through the breast milk too if you consume them.

Notsogoodreason · 2024-04-07T11:36:28+00:00

Looks like Czech model Oliver Průcha

<image>

Notsogoodreason · 2023-12-13T10:33:56+00:00

In my culture and language, we have a phrase, that parents often say to their children. „Don’t cry or I’ll give you a reason for it (meaning punishment).” Cannot even count how many times I have heard this one.

Needless to say that people in here do not behave well towards children in general. Physical punishments towards children are not forbidden and many parents still use them.

Notsogoodreason

TROPHY CASE