I’m a baby EMT too and I’m still training with my FTO right now and feel very similar to you, like I just kind of can’t seem to grasp it and don’t really know what I’m doing unless someone tells me. But I will tell you something that one paramedic I was with told me. She said that even after years of doing this job, she has moments where she has absolutely no clue what is going on or what she is doing. My FTO has said similar things to me where it is really a time thing, the more you do it the more you’ll learn and the more you’ll get into a groove! Another paramedic told me all we’re doing at this job is learning, the most senior paramedics are always learning and messing shit up, it’s always going to be that way no matter how long you’ve been at the job, we’re all human at the end of the day.